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needinghelp 09-25-2016 03:46 PM

feeling worthless
 
I have been married 3 times and been in 2 serious relationships. They all turn in to controlling relationships before long? I can't understand why. I try to be a nice person and the more I give up the more they take.

what am I doing wrong?

imatter 12-02-2016 03:54 AM

Re: feeling worthless
 
Because we give it all but never asking for anything. (Caregiving)It creates resentment in us. We assume the other person should just know. So but we never tell them never ask for help. Before long a pattern has been established that fills us with intense guilt. The control ing is a way to keep us from establishing these new boundaries. We control to by doing everything for them. We try to control the direction our relationship goes and mistake need for want. This is something that I am doing.Draw your boundaries. Let him know your needs. It's not fun they will call you a ***** and not understand but it's much harder to do 10 yrs and 2 kids later. We create how we are treated. They will give us as much we allow . Know your limit and know you matter.

pilinisesi 12-02-2016 01:45 PM

Re: feeling worthless
 
I want to commend you for seeing that there is something wrong in your relationships. sometimes that can be the hardest step. Now, you need to dig deeper. Where did you learn that allowing someone to treat you this way is ok? is it a learned behavior? someone in your family or maybe you don't feel like you are worth enough to not put up with this?
Also remember there is a line between being nice and giving 120% of yourself. people sometimes take advantage of that, you need to be healthy selfish, and put your needs first. notice I said healthy selfish. it's ok to not want to do something that your bf/gf want to do, or to have your own opinion of situations etc. it doesn't have to be about them 100% of the time. dont forget to love yourself, to set healthy boundries for your relationships to thrive in.
get to know you first before you get in another relationship and find out how you want to be treated, what you expect from a relationship and don't let those principles go to the trash the next time you are in a relationship. tell people what you expect from them.


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