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Help - I'm losing my sister

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Old 11-30-2008, 01:22 PM   #1
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Unhappy Help - I'm losing my sister

My sister is 19, and was recently "let go" by my parents. For the past 6 yrs she has been in and out of drugs and alcohol, and is a compulsive liar. We think she's even lied to her psychiatrist, since she's still being prescribed heavy meds for depression, ADD, etc etc.
My parents have paid for her therapy, her rent, her EVERYTHING. And she has wasted it all.
Now they have officially kicked her out. I'm afraid for her, but she has caused so much pain to my family that I don't know how to forgive her, or help.
I want to call her and ask how she's doing, but I don't think she'd be receptive to that.

How do I deal with this? Is there anything I can do to help her?
How did you reach a bottom?

After everything she's done and been through, we just don't think she's bottomed out. My dad is a recovering alcoholic and used many drugs when he was young. I think this all hurts him the most. How do you help someone who doesn't want it?
She goes through the motions, saying and doing what you want her to do, but then as soon as things clear up, she goes right back to it.


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Old 11-30-2008, 04:57 PM   #2
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Re: Help - I'm losing my sister

I am the mum of a 23 yr old heroin and crack addict, and I did everything your parents did, paid for therapy, paid the dealers, took her away to withdraw, all to the neglect of the rest of my family. We have had 7 yrs of hell. Katy has been clean now for 12 days - longest ever - and I did nothing except let her suffer the consequences of her actions. She did prison (twice) didn't help.
I give her a place to sleep and food but nothing else, I go to work at 8.30, like it or not she has to be out of the house and cant come home until my husband or I am home. We give her the basics but don't enable anymore. Addicts telling you what you want to hear is the best form of manipulation - if you can't check it out it is a lie.
I am in the UK so time difference throws us out for response, bear with me and get mum and dad to accesss boards.
Take care,

Old 12-01-2008, 10:58 AM   #3
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Re: Help - I'm losing my sister

Unfortunately you really can't make anyone want to change. They have to hit whatever their bottom is, I suppose, and it's so sad to sit and do nothing when you care...but nothing you do will make them want to clean up their act. I used to live with a crack addict and he lost me over it, but still did nothing to change. He's currently serving 6 years in prison and will miss seeing his toddler daughter and grade school age son grow up. But the drugs were more important to him than his own children.

My guy's sister has been an addict for 25 years. Her 3 children (from 3 different dads) were all born addicted to cocaine since she used while pregnant. They are all learning disabled and struggling through life. She stole pain medication from her mentally challenged sister and from her daughter-in-law's dying mother. She's stolen from every one of her family members. She even tried to steal from me.

My point is, these drugs are so evil and insidious and are so tough to get away from, and it's so heartbreaking to see someone you love destroy their lives and know you can't do a thing to change it. All you can do is be there for her if/when she finally does decide to get clean. You seem like a good person, she is lucky to have you. Hopefully some day she'll realize it.

Old 12-01-2008, 03:42 PM   #4
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Re: Help - I'm losing my sister

I'm sorry to hear the situation you and your family are in with your sister -- so very unfortunate. I'm a recovering meth addict -- snorted, smoked and injected. Bottom? Everyone has their story, their bottom. I hit mine after first being diagnosed with HIV. Funny thing it wasn't learning about the HIV that did it, because I went on to contract Hep-C.

I used meth for over 15 years, with the last two years being almost every day. I was a functioning addict. I went to work everyday, and almost everyday was tweaked out.

The bottom came when sanity got my attention. When I was able to see for one moment I wasn't controlling the high. What I thought was a high had gone on to become an addiction. One I couldn't control. I was at my ex's (gay here) house for dinner, I couldn't eat -- the meth caused me to lose my appetite. He started to cry -- I started to cry. We knew I was going to die. I checked into rehab. That was this past June. I have a long way to go, but its a journey I want to take.

Throughout this I've learned a number of things;
The addict has to want to get clean. They have to find their sanity. HIV and Hep-C and I still couldn't get there.

You have to trade the addiction, for solving the issues. For some people it's hard. It means facing your demons.

You have to seperate from it -- you have to become passionate about not being around it. In some cases losing others because they don't understand your demons. Accept the fact that I will make new friends.

Sometimes addicts have to be given up to the addiction to be saved. It's very hard, but you can't destroy yourself in the process.

For me I have to talk about it. It helps me heal, and in so doing, if my words give one other addict a moment of sanity to stop...then it's all good.

Good Luck

Last edited by doingfine; 12-01-2008 at 05:54 PM.

Old 12-01-2008, 08:17 PM   #5
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Re: Help - I'm losing my sister

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It must not be easy at times.
I will never understand addiction. It runs in my family, but I am just not like that. It doesn't make sense to me why she is so controlled by it. But I know it happens.
I just want her to come out of this. It's so hard to watch someone you love kill him/her self.

Old 12-02-2008, 03:11 AM   #6
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doingfine HB Userdoingfine HB User
Re: Help - I'm losing my sister

You're very welcome. It's a story I hope to tell a thousand times more, if to give comfort or to help one more addict through the addiction to sanity.
Once more, Good Luck

Old 05-24-2011, 04:19 PM   #7
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moodymomma HB User
Re: Help - I'm losing my sister

Your story sounds alot like mine. My parents haven't haven't cut her off yet because she has a 2 yr old but keep threatening it. I don't have any real advice for you but just wanted to tell you your not alone. I've had to cut my sister out of my life (ok it's been 2 days) but hoping it does some good. Maybe not having any of you in her life will wake her up.

Old 06-01-2011, 09:45 PM   #8
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Re: Help - I'm losing my sister

Love her at a distance. You have to live and let live. Just tell her you love her. My sister is also addicted to alcohol and constantly lies about everything. It is part of the disease

Old 06-01-2011, 11:02 PM   #9
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Re: Help - I'm losing my sister

My thoughts and prayers are with you; I once stood where you are standing now. It is so very difficult to watch someone you love, trade life for their next high. I lost my husband to an overdose of Methadone; after all of these years, the only thing I would say to him now, is that I hope he found what he was looking for. I will pray your sister finds her way home; please stay strong. Save yourself!

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