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Old 10-30-2011, 08:14 AM   #1
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Rich5b HB User
new to codependency

I am a recovering addict of 6.5 years....and have moved on in life.....however, there is still a hole inside of me that I have been trying to fill through my codependant behavior. I wasnt always that apparent to has been a lifelong nagging issue that was masked by many years of alcohol and drugs...once clean, the issues are still present and the paradoxal effect of overextending myself and not being true to myself are becoming crippling. I am recently married to a woman whom I respect but do not truly love. ( I am pretty sure I dont love her) sometimes its hard to decipher how I really feel because so many layers have built up. Anyway, she is very much in love with me and very caring...I wish I could be crazy for her.....the story is so long. ughhhhhhh... I feel like I am stuck in a hole and I dont have the courage to move... I dont want to hurt her or break up the family... regardless of the emptyness I feel. I dont know who I am? It is very hard to come to terms with what I feel,>>>>> lol, make any sense? my story is long...
I recently attended coda meeting and have been reading coda literature which has been great...but there is a fear that I will need to act...change...find myself? Suppose i am not there????OMG! Advise, support, prayers>>>>>

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Old 10-31-2011, 07:45 AM   #2
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Re: new to codependency

I'm so sorry you are struggling with your idenity apart from drugs and alcohol. I'm sure they mask a lot of hidden layers of emotions and now that they are not masking them, the real you is emerging. I hope you can talk to a therapist or find a Celebrate Recovery meeting of fellow past addicts and get emotional healing. I find when I empty myself of something that is not good for me I need to find something better or good to fill inside of me to make me healthier and a better person. Maybe there is a connection problem with you and your wife and maybe you can find someone you both trust to talk you through things so you can be a good husband to her. We all must make choices and two books that have helped me is Boundaries by Henry Cloud and Healing is a Choice which may help you get insights into your emotional healing. Best wishes.

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Old 11-04-2011, 06:57 AM   #3
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Re: new to codependency

Originally Posted by Rich5b View Post
there is a fear that I will need to act...change...find myself? Suppose i am not there?
Hello Rich,

Have you considered medication and/or therapy as a means of elevating your mood?

Whether we like it or not,change is one constant that is inevitable.

To truly find yourself,you will have to look past the "mirror" and evaluate internally.

This includes sifting through the layers and tearing down the proverbial walls,unlocking and deactivating devices and dismantling certain alarms9disguised as defenses).

This is best done with a therapist but isn't impossible to do on your own(though I wouldn't advise it).

Don't be concerned with finding a person that you may have issue with......there will be opportunity for change,if this is the case.

For now,review your options and try not to wait too long to make a move in the direction of positivity.

When in doubt, post it out.

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