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Old 03-29-2001, 05:03 PM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Santa Clara, CA USA
Posts: 1
jbl HB User
Exclamation codependency

This is my first time posting. I feel I need to get this out and maybe there's someone out there who's been where I am and can reply giving me some much needed inner strength. It's so hard to watch my boyfriend (we also live together) continue to plummet down. I believe he's an alcoholic and he isn't ready to get help. I do love him, and wanted to build a future with him, (I have contributed a lot this year financially to help him finish his school and attain his dream) but I don't think I can continue with this situation because it's starting to hurt me. I also have a beautiful 8 year old daughter who I need to be a good mother to. One of the effects of his alcohol abuse (and possibly just his personality--trouble with anger control) is that he has become verbally abusive to me. The alcohol abuse cycle leaves him agitated and depressed, and he is easily irritated. Over small things he has called me an idiot, stupid, etc. I've told him that this behavior hurts me, and he says he's sorry sometimes, but it happens all over again. In reality, maybe I am an "idiot" for trying to stick this out. I'm an educated women with a good job, and I do know about the cycle of abuse, and yet I still fell into it! I've also learned about codependency and realize that I can fall easily into it. One of the obvious traits is being a caretaker. It makes me sick when I realize that I may have enabled his disease by helping him too much financially, etc. and he could't feel the pain and try to take care of himself sooner. I have an appt. with a counselor next week to try to get some guidance. I think an Alanon meeting would be good too (no surprise here, I guess, that I was married to an alcoholic previously--he's now been sober for 6 years) Anyone out there? have you been a codependent? I know I need to listen to my gut and do the right thing. As one friend said to me recently, "if you can't leave for yourself,do it for your daughter. You don't want her to grow up and end up thinking all she deserves is a man who may abuse her." When I think of how horrific that idea is, I know what I should do. . .

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