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Help spouse mourn ex-spouse?

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Old 04-25-2016, 05:32 PM   #1
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Help spouse mourn ex-spouse?


I am looking for advice on how to help my wife get through the recent sudden/tragic death of her former spouse.

They were married briefly when she was quite young, we got together soon after their split. We have been together over ten years now and have a child. There are no children from the previous marriage.

I understand that this man, as my wife's first true love, is still an important part of my wife's past, and this cannot be untreated, regardless of why their marriage did not work out.

I have tried to help her through this process as she is very distraught. I have gone as far as discussing the "good times" with him, such as how they met and things that she would remember as positive. This is not easy for me.

I know that my wife loves me and I am trying my best not to come across as a jealous fool. Does anyone have any advice on how I can help my wife cope with this loss?

Thank you,


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Old 04-25-2016, 05:41 PM   #2
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Re: Help spouse mourn ex-spouse?

Mike, I just wanted to commend you for being such a dear, loving man. I can understand too how maybe you feel a bit surprised at the magnitude of your wife's grief. Sudden death is very shocking. And obviously it doesn't mean in any way, shape or form that she wishes she had stayed married to that man.
My advice would be just to allow her to have a soft shoulder to cry on when she needs to, but otherwise just live your daily life, loving her as you always do. In time this will pass. Be strong. I can only imagine that this is so rough for you. Hang in there.

Last edited by sweetpotato13; 04-25-2016 at 05:41 PM.

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Old 04-26-2016, 04:42 AM   #3
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Re: Help spouse mourn ex-spouse?

I also commend you for trying to do the "right thing'. Everyone grieves in their own way and time is what she will need to get past this, but in the meantime, if she is really distraught, there is grief counseling that she could go to. Sometimes being in a room with others or one on one talking about the situation, can really help a person to see they are not alone and that it is a normal process.
We all have a past, and the only thing I can suggest to you is to picture yourself in the same situation. Maybe you would feel similarly? Women are more emotional than men, but quite possibly you can understand the "loss" She is feeling. Your right, a woman's first real relationship is something she will always remember. Good or bad...its in her head.
Keep being there for her. Try NOT talking about it, but letting her know if she needs to talk that you love her and you are willing to listen. Eventually this will are a good man for trying to find a way to support her,

RRMS- dx 05

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