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I can't let go of a love interest?


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Old 01-23-2017, 05:24 AM   #1
queen716
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I can't let go of a love interest?

So a man I knew died a few days ago. We recently got in touch again after we've been out of HS for so long and we talked for the last 3 weeks of his life (not two as I thought). I've been completely heartbroken over his death. At some point during our conversations he told me how beautiful he thought I was from personality to looks and that he didn't want me to change. I have genital herpes and he said that he didn't care that I had it, that he would still be with me regardless and that he would risk it to have children with me. He always told me he had a crush on me since high school.
I'm just so in shock over his sudden death, it was just so untimely. You never know what you have till its gone. I feel so guilty because I didn't take him seriously when we talked because I thought he was clingy and was just trying to be nice. Now that he's gone I realized the extent of the seriousness to what he was saying. I hope he didn't think I was mad at him. I also told him more than once I wasn't interested in him and I regret that. I've just been so hurt by men that I didn't want to risk it again. His death has changed me. It makes me want to try to be happy everyday.

He will always have a place in my heart. Every year for his birthday/anniversary (he died on his birthday) I'm gonna do something each time that date rolls around. I'm just left with so many unanswered questions about "us" or the "what ifs".

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 06:30 AM   #2
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

I'm so sorry for your loss. Was his death sudden? Was he sick? Was it unexpected?
What might help you is to write a letter to him.....write down everything you wish you would have said to him and it will help to bring you some peace.

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 06:45 AM   #3
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

It was unexpected. The last photo he sent me, im getting copies of it printed. One I'll have in a frame in my room and the other I'll always have with me. I'm getting a candle as a decoration and an ornament with his name on it. I think writing a letter will be good..

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 07:18 AM   #4
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

don't beat yourself up.....I'm sure he knew you cared

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 07:21 AM   #5
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

I wrote a letter and I feel somewhat at peace. I just still can't believe he won't be able to read it, but im glad he's looking over me and knows what i wrote. When I see him again someday, I'll read it to him. He forever has a spot in my heart.

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 07:23 AM   #6
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

do you know what he died from? are you going to a service?
sharing your feelings with others who cared for him would help too

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 07:24 AM   #7
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
do you know what he died from? are you going to a service?
sharing your feelings with others who cared for him would help too

He overdosed. I won't be able to go unfortunately. But he knows I'll be there in spirit. I have wrote on his f.b. page and signed his online guestbook.

Last edited by queen716; 01-23-2017 at 07:25 AM.

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 07:32 AM   #8
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

terribly sad......whatever pain he was in, he is out of now.....
that's a small bit of comfort....I'm sorry again.

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 11:37 AM   #9
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
terribly sad......whatever pain he was in, he is out of now.....
that's a small bit of comfort....I'm sorry again.
I was shocked to find out that's how he died cause I didn't even know he died the day he died.. I found out the next night on F.b. and I didn't know he had a drug issue. I wished him a happy birthday cause he died on his birthday and he never answered, he always did so I figured he was busy.

Also I feel so alone cause my friends never ask if I'm OK.

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 11:39 AM   #10
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

Big hugs! Sorry to hear of your friend passing over It sounds like you guys really clicked these past few weeks and I am sure he knew you cared for him, or you wouldn't have shared your personal information with him the way you did

What you are doing for him sounds lovely and I am sure he's looking down on you with a big smile right now.

Big hugs and peace to you!
K.

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 11:47 AM   #11
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

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Originally Posted by Dragonfly Wings View Post
Big hugs! Sorry to hear of your friend passing over It sounds like you guys really clicked these past few weeks and I am sure he knew you cared for him, or you wouldn't have shared your personal information with him the way you did

What you are doing for him sounds lovely and I am sure he's looking down on you with a big smile right now.

Big hugs and peace to you!
K.
Yeah he was loved by many. I wrote him a 5 paragraph letter and put it in an envelope. I'm getting a customized bracelet with his name on it with the color of the drug overdose awareness color.

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 11:56 AM   #12
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

That sounds lovely! Maybe on the day of the service since you can't be there you can set your letter free in the ocean or something like that if you're close enough to one. Have your own little goodbye

Big hugs!
K.

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 12:05 PM   #13
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

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Originally Posted by Dragonfly Wings View Post
That sounds lovely! Maybe on the day of the service since you can't be there you can set your letter free in the ocean or something like that if you're close enough to one. Have your own little goodbye

Big hugs!
K.
Wish I was near the ocean!
Also, my friends know about the situation and aren't exactly being the supportive friends. Don't ask if I am okay..one actually just stupidly asked why I wasnt really talkative.

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 12:26 PM   #14
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

Sorry to hear you're not getting any support from your friends, that's really terrible on their part actually, especially considering I'd assume they know what has happened!

My childhood love passed away the exact same way at just 27yrs old and although I was (and am still), happily married to another man who I'd been with for 9yrs at that stage, it still crushed me.

Death holds no limitations and grief is so powerful. Do what you have to do to get through the days <3

 
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Old 01-23-2017, 12:44 PM   #15
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Re: I can't let go of a love interest?

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Originally Posted by Dragonfly Wings View Post
Sorry to hear you're not getting any support from your friends, that's really terrible on their part actually, especially considering I'd assume they know what has happened!

My childhood love passed away the exact same way at just 27yrs old and although I was (and am still), happily married to another man who I'd been with for 9yrs at that stage, it still crushed me.

Death holds no limitations and grief is so powerful. Do what you have to do to get through the days <3

Yeah they know and I told them how he died too. Maybe because he wasn't a bf or cause I haven't seen him in so long they don't get why I am so distraught, but you guys do.

He also told me that I was beautiful from personality to looks and that he didn't want me to change cause he liked me for who I was. I understand why I'd be distraught. I just couldn't date him at this time because he had issues he needed to resolve.

 
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