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Hospice care


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Old 02-03-2017, 03:23 PM   #1
Kimmey1956
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Hospice care

Need someone who has had a loved one in hospice care at end of life. Can anyone help?

 
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Old 02-04-2017, 01:08 PM   #2
MSNik
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Re: Hospice care

HI there. I have had several family members on Hospice and quite extensive experience with Hospice services...
Can I help?
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Old 02-04-2017, 05:44 PM   #3
Kimmey1956
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Re: Hospice care

My mom has late stage dementia. She lives with my sister and has been under hospice care for over a year. My sister tends to exaggerate things and about a week ago my Mom had gurgling in her throat, not lungs. She called hospice to see her and they said to stop feeding her and keep getting videos no her Roxanne 5 mg every 4 hours. Sorry, I have to back up a little. My mom was constantly grinding her teeth and my sister thought that meant she was in pain. However I found many artists does that said a lot of Alzheimer's and dementia patients do that. (My other argument that my mom was not in pain was if you moved her the wrong way or bumped her in transportation, she would grimace) anyway, hospice prescribed lorazepam for this grinding which controlled it somewhat. Then they addd roxanol. Now, my sister insists on giving it to my mom every 4 hours "because she grimaces or groans when she's moved". In my open Nino, if you were laying the in the same position for a period of time and tried to move, I'm sure you would be sore also. My mom is skin and bones and that doesn't help either. So feeding and fluids have stopped. But when we give my mom the sponges with water she sucks on them (and even chews on them) like she's dying of thirst. I want them to stop the roxanol and let her wake up enough to see my if she can start eating again. But it's going to be 2 weeks soon that she's been without food. I feel like they're killing her. Her signs are good and her skin n is perfectly normal. Am I crazy?

 
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Old 02-04-2017, 06:56 PM   #4
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Re: Hospice care

Dear Kimmey,

No you're not crazy at all, just a concerned daughter. You are suffering too, and trying to make sense out of all of this. This is a very difficult time for you, upsetting & scary, which is why the Hospice support is involved. Can you discuss your concerns with the Hospice person?

Hospice is there to make sure your mom suffers as little as possible during the dying process, and it's probable that nothing with your mom means the same things as it did when she was awake, normal & and healthy. There really are all sorts of sounds and actions that a dying person may make that may seem like normal life sounds but mean completely different things during the dying process. The sounds and actions don't mean the same thing as when made by a healthy person. The death process can be very, very confusing & frightening to watch. What can appear normal to us may not mean anything like what we think.

I have been with family members as they passed, and my mom passed away through dementia. It's a terrible, terrible loss you are going through. Hospice is involved for controlling your mom's pain as she passes away, but all of this is a harsh experience for you and there is nothing to control your own pain. I'm so, so sorry.

Hospice is there for you too if you talk with them. I hope you will ask questions so you can understand what is happening to your mother. I have many reasons for believing that dying people can hear based on my own experiences. You can hold your mom's hand and tell her how much you love and value her. I'm sure that your words will touch something inside of her and bring her comfort.

Much love,
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Old 02-04-2017, 07:34 PM   #5
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Re: Hospice care

Kimmey, I just want to share with you that my husband recently had to have a serious surgery so he filled out an end of life directive. We studied what happens during the dying process and learned that when the major organs shut down then forcing food or water into the body can cause an excruciatingly painful death. So his directive says if his major organs have shut down and he is in the dying process he does not want force fed or hydrated. I made the same choice for myself.

All of these things are carefully considered before food and water gets withheld, no matter who makes the decision. Some people want every heroic measure to be tried. If your mom didn't sign an end of life directive then medical personnel is making her end of life as comfortable as possible.

Much love and sympathy,
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Last edited by YaYagirl; 02-04-2017 at 07:35 PM. Reason: spelling error

 
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