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Mother getting closer to dying, I'm 20.

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Old 04-03-2017, 04:11 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2017
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apollojj HB User
Mother getting closer to dying, I'm 20.

(I'm very new here, if this is in the wrong category let me know, I'll delete and move it to the correct one)

Hey, all. I need some help with coping with something happening to me.

My mother is currently 76. She's getting closer to the time when she'll pass. It's clearer every time I'm with her, she's showing signs of it. I can't stop thinking about how each day is closer and closer to the end of her life.

I'm only 20,
a sophomore in college. I've never lost anybody before, and I have no idea how to cope with the knowledge that I'll be losing her. And I don't know how to cope once she's gone. The rest of my family has never brought up her impending death, but I feel like they all also know she's leaving soon.

The hardest part for me, is that it was an emotionally abusive household. A lot of gaslighting, mostly, for many many years. This feels so complicated to me, because I'm struggling with the need to be away from her, and also the need to be with her (since she's still my mother and I do love her). I feel guilty for not wanting to spend time with her, but spending time with her tends to make my mental illness a lot worse.

Sorry if this post seems confusing, I'm just struggling a lot at the moment. This is incredibly hard to talk about. I just can't stop thinking about how she'll be gone soon. Does anybody have any advice maybe...?

Last edited by apollojj; 04-03-2017 at 04:15 AM.

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Old 04-04-2017, 08:06 AM   #2
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Re: Mother getting closer to dying, I'm 20.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Is your mom sick or are you just afraid because she is 76 years old? Many people live into their 80's and have a full life. Maybe you can talk to someone regarding your fears and your feelings. Do you have close friends you can talk to? Maybe a counselor at school. Many times when you have had emotional abuse in your childhood it can be difficult to feel close to a parent even if you love them. I wish you the best and hope you can talk things out with someone.

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Old 04-04-2017, 09:57 AM   #3
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Re: Mother getting closer to dying, I'm 20.

Is your mom sick now or are you just having concerns of the eventuality of her death?

How do the two of you get on when you are together?

Sounds like you're having more guilt with needs not being met. I would suggest you have counselling/therapy to have better insight as to how to handle your feelings and understand the relationship more clearly.

When my parents died, it was a relief for me as to not feel the rejection and trying to feel the love from them. Not that I doubted their love for me, just that they had their own issues and we functioned in a very dysfunctional way which was very confusing and depressing for me. The grief of loss was waaaay long before they died.

What I miss is the opportunity to have reconciled with some honest talk and understanding on both sides nothing more.

One cannot function in guilt, abuse or the need to be with another based on the fact they are parents or family when there is emotional suffering. Therapy is what will help a lot for one to move forward.

It's all a matter of perspective!
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Last edited by quincy; 04-04-2017 at 10:00 AM.

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