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My dad passed away and my family is making me crazy


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Old 11-29-2018, 01:07 PM   #1
Nat313
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My dad passed away and my family is making me crazy

My dad has been sick for a long time. He has been a paraplegic for almost my whole life. He has been going down hill the last few years with getting all different types of infections. Blood, bone, UTI, kidney, etc etc. High fevers. In the hospital. On soooo many antibiotics. Just so depressed & discouraged. People that didn't see or talk to him everyday, didn't get it. Even my own mom who pretty much had to care for him 24/7, would say "I am exhausted, I can't do this anymore" But the second we tried to offer help they are both like "We're fine" Which I know is a lie. My dad passed away this past Thursday, Thanksgiving, because his body just couldn't handle it anymore. Septic shock. My mom is telling EVERYONE "I don't get it, he was fine" & I tell her, "NO, Mom he was NOT fine. His mind may have been there but his body was SO weak & declining SO much" I am DEVASTATED but also RELIEVED that I got to be with him at the very end & he wasn't alone, & he is FINALLY released from all his pain, agony, misery, sickness, & suffering. But I just don't know how to deal with my family who acted like "Everything was fine" The only reason I stayed around for this long is because of my dad anyway.

 
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Old 11-29-2018, 04:40 PM   #2
YaYagirl
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Re: My dad passed away and my family is making me crazy

Dear Nat,

Oh I am so sorry that you feel so alone and isolated in your grief! I lost my dear father at age 5 and it took me a lot of years to figure out that had he lived I would have grown up and moved out and that life always goes on. I still miss him like crazy and can break out in tears just thinking of his absence. How they react doesn't mean they don't feel the pain and sadness. They just can't let their emotions openly flood out, at least not yet. Maybe in private they do.

The thing is that everyone experiences grief in different ways, and denial is normally significantly experienced by many people. Denial can leave the ones that are facing the loss feel isolated, but let me assure you that their denial is only because the grief is too much to bear. We cannot know if or when they break down inside. What you can do is simply hug them and say it must be such a shock to you, or I know you miss him, or I am so sorry that he is gone, or you must miss hm so much! You never know when empathy will help one of them open up. If not in front of you, then maybe in private when they are alone. I seriously doubt any of them thought everything was fine. They just could not face that they might have been losing him.

How we each handle grief and loss is very personal and individual. If you do some reading up on the subject of Death & Dying and Grief and Loss there is a lot of research about it.

It can be very helpful to join a grief and loss support group. You can call hospitals and ask if they know of any. I hope this helps.

Love,
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~ YaYa ~

Last edited by YaYagirl; 11-29-2018 at 04:44 PM.

 
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Old 11-29-2018, 07:23 PM   #3
jfms99
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Re: My dad passed away and my family is making me crazy

I think you did everything you could, and then some. I have been where you are.
The problem is that your Mother and family are in denial and could not face the reality of your father's illnesses.

Not much you can do there. Your Mother and Family will just have to find their own way. Stay true to yourself and just remember the good times you had with your Father.

 
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