| Mother lets father make all decisions even when he's confused
I don't know the best board this need to go on but since my dad just entered the hospice program and is clearly showing signs of getting close to the end, I posted here.
My question is how far does a person have to go to start making decisions for a sick, dying patient when the patient is confused? My dad has cancer and is clearly confused. He says one thing then another thing later or he makes a decision then decides another thing afterwards. The other day, my dad was feeling pretty bad and requested hospice because he felt like he was getting close to the end. The home health care nurse agreed to have it set up. He's been confused for months and because of how he was feeling then that's probably why he wanted hospice. Now he wants an MRI done to just check on the progression of the cancer and we were just told he can't have the MRI done because he's in the hospice program and he's been told that he can get out of hospice care anytime if he's not satisfied. He's only allowed ONE chance to make that decision, meaning he can get an MRI once he's out of the hospice program. If he changes his mind again and doesn't want an MRI then want it, he won't be able to get an MRI. It's a bit confusing but I think that's how it works.
So I think my dad has trouble understanding that he has to make decisions like this seriously or he's unable to do so because he's confused and changing his mind all the time. My mother is letting this happen. She's like, "whatever you decide, I'll support you." She's letting him make decisions that could affect his health and I don't think she should be because he wants one thing done for one moment then moments or days later, he doesn't. It's like she thinks he's fit and competent and going to support whatever he wants, even if it means going back and forth on decisions many times and messing something up like getting in or out of hospice. He seems to think he understands how something works like with whether MRI is approved by insurance or how it works whether getting out of hospice or staying in then days later, he changes his mind. Clearly, he didn't understand that once he's in hospice, he can't get an MRI and my mother either didn't explain that to him at the time or she did and she's just letting him do whatever, wasting people's times, getting him enrolled in the hospice care then getting him out because he wants an MRI because he didn't understand that being in hospice care meant no MRI or any tests at all.
Without an MRI, there's no way to know if the cancer has progressed. Bloodwork has been fine but it doesn't tell the whole story. I'm for whatever they want to do but I don't think my dad should be allowed to make decisions if he can't make up his mind because of his confusion. My mother should be making the decisions for him because he's clearly not fit to think clearly and she won't do it. She has health power of attorney and I don't know what for if she's letting him making all kinds of health decisions.
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