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New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away?

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Old 10-27-2006, 08:19 AM   #1
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tkgoodspirit HB Usertkgoodspirit HB User
Question New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away?


My name is TK. And last year on October 31st my only child, my son, Cameron died in his sleep. I have been divorced from his father since 1991, who has remarried and now has 3 other children. Cameron was the only child we had together. I have since remarried, but have not had any more children.

There is a long story surrounding my son's death and I won't get into it here yet, but I would like to know if there are any other parents out there who have lost an only child, especially anyone like me who lost an only child from a previous marraige.

Most of my family is dead and gone, all from cancer. I am an only child myself. My Grandmother died in April 1980 age 58 from cancer; my step-dad, and my hero, died in November 1985 age 63, my maternal uncle died in Feb 2001 age 49 from a brain tumor, my mother died age 62 in Sept 2003 from lung cancer, and at the same time my mother was dying from lung cancer, my aunt (her sister was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma) at the age of 55. My aunt is the only cancer survivor in my family and the only living family member I have left besides her children (my cousins). And my 3 year old grandson from my son. My grandson turned 2 years old on Oct. 19, 2005 and his Daddy passed away shortly after on Oct. 31st, 2005. My son was married for 4 years to a lovely young women who also has suffered a great deal from his passing, as she was the one who found him in their bed when she got home from work. He had been dead for at least 2 hours.

I would love to talk to someone who also has lost an only child.

Thank you,
"We must be the change we wish to see in the world"
Mahatma Gandhi

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Old 10-27-2006, 02:13 PM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Valdosta, GA
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star444 HB User
Re: New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away?

TK -

I have an only child and cannot begin to imagine the grief you have experienced. I almost lost my son to an auto accident this past January and gave a lot of thought to how anyone could cope with such a loss.

I found it interesting to note that our language doen't even have a word to describe such a loss. We have orphans, widows, and widowers, but nothing to describe a person who has lost a child. It's just too painful to label.

I wish you peace.

Old 11-04-2006, 04:09 PM   #3
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jdlfmc HB Userjdlfmc HB User
Re: New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away?

TK, know that you are in my thoughts.
I can't even begin to say I know how you feel, I only know that my heart aches for you and I want you to know that there are many thinking of you and caring.

Old 11-06-2006, 10:30 PM   #4
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Aus_lady_Di HB User
Re: New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away?

Hi mate firstly sorry for your loss ..I lost my first baby a girl and even tho she was only 8 weeks old when she died it was a huge loss in my life ,then 2years after loosing her I lost my 3rd baby also a girl after one week tho this time I had a son who was 18months old and even tho I felt like a huge chunk of my life was missing the loss or the time it took to move on wasnt as bad or as painful as my first daughters death .having said that I dont mean I forgot her or didnt love her it was just that with a 18month old it was easier to focus all my energy on him than to dwell on my daughters deaths .I have had people tell me gee you are strong to live through that and not be a nut case ,but I think I am just a normal mum that had to set her priotys and thats what i did ..if you need to chat I have very big shoulders and good hearing also I am online a lot so let me know if you want someone to talk with i would be happy to hear from you

Old 11-08-2006, 12:07 PM   #5
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bestoldies04 HB Userbestoldies04 HB User
Re: New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away?


I am so sorry for your terrible loss, I do know how you feel. You have hit bottom and there is nothing in this world more painful than losing a child. You find yourself lost trying to figure out how you can go on. I lost my only child in August of 2004 he was 22 years old and I deal with this loss every day. I was very close to my son and I do miss him everyday but through the help of Counseling and Grief support I have managed to learn how to cope. I also pray and ask God to help me. I feel your pain, if I can help in anyway let me know.


Old 01-11-2007, 06:25 AM   #6
Join Date: Jan 2007
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ddyer1 HB User
Unhappy Re: New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away?

Hi TK- I just lost my only precious child on November 12th, 06. He was only 16 and still living home with me and my husband. I too am divorced from my sons father since 1996. My son was born in 1990. My son was killed in an auto accident just three days after he got his license. He was alone and going too fast for the road he hit a tree and died instantly. I feel so desperate at times and can't seem to stop crying. He was the most important person in my world, we were very close and had a good relationship. I can't get over this pain its like slow torture, every day seems worse than the day before.
Thanks for listening Dee

Old 01-12-2007, 05:37 AM   #7
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,260
Re: New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away?

good morning all-----Though I lost my daughter in a horrible car accident 9 years ago having other children has not eased the pain of her passing. One does not replace another though I am sure it helps somewhat to have others to go on for. All I can say is my heart breaks for each and every one of you who has lost a child and my prayers are with those who have lost their only. I have no words as this is such a painful experience that no words can even begin to touch or ease the pain. I know people who have had 2-3 children and lost them all so I won't even try to offer anything that would be soooooo very trivial in this case. God bless you all and bring you whatever peace of mind you can attain.


Old 01-28-2007, 07:18 PM   #8
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susieplum HB User
Re: New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away?

My beautiful baby boy Leon, was born on the 27th dec and died 3 hours later, myself and my fiance are totaly devastated, obviously its different circumstances to your little boy, but i know the pain you must be feeling, everyday is a struggle for me, as it was only 5 weeks ago, i feel like i will never be the same again

Old 01-30-2007, 07:00 AM   #9
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SamanthaYork HB User
Re: New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away?

Hi there

I lost my second son to got death three years ago when he was 20 days old.


Last edited by moderator2; 01-30-2007 at 11:05 AM.

Old 07-18-2008, 07:12 AM   #10
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beverleyann HB User
Re: New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away?

Hi TKI just joined today from desperation rather than anything else.* My beautiful son Daniel was 21 years old.* I was a single mother after leaving his violent father when he was about 12 months old.* I had Daniel late in life as I never thought I would have children and wasn't at all maternal.* All that changed with his arrival.* I remarried and my second husband treat him as his own and they were very close.* However, whilst we remained friends and were always together we couldn't live with each other! My ex husband had a severe stroke and aneurism at his house when Daniel was 11 and it was Daniel who found him.* He is still in permanent residential care and Daniel had Power of Attorney over his affairs.* I then had several years of bad health and was just recovering early this year from a severe chest injury and long stint in hospital.* Daniel had found a wonderful partner and, whilst we joked a lot that he would never leave home, I was happy when, last October, they moved in together and got their own house.* They went to a party on the Tuesday night and had a bit to drink.* The party was held in my partner's girlfriend's apartment and she had her boyfriend staying the night there.* As the party progressed the boyfriend went into the bedroom saying he was tired and wanted to go to sleep.* Both the girls and Daniel wanted to carry on with the festivities so Daniel went into the bedroom to persuade his friend to rejoin the party.* After a few minutes the boyfriend ran into the living room and said that Daniel had fallen out of the bedroom window.* The apartment was on the fourth floor of the building.* The bedroom window had no safety catch and he fell out head first.* It was a relatively new building and there were no street signs or satnav directions for the emergency services to arrive.* The ambulance took 15 minutes to arrive and he was breathing for at least 8 minutes.* The young people were then bundled into a police car and held at the police station for 7 hours without so much as a hot drink or any consolation for their loss.* We are still awaiting the inquest.* People say they know how I feel - they don't.* My first reaction, strangely, was that I would never be a grandmother. I am finding things very hard. My mother has had a heart attack and has been in hospital almost since his death, my father died before Daniel was born. I have one brother who has been a brick but is not open to deep emotional talk. My partner has been wonderful but I am finding it hard as he has two children to a previous marriage. His eldest in 2 months younger than Daniel and is in Mississippi at University whilst his youngest, Jack is 13. He calls me his "spare mum". I am having great difficulty with Jack and almost resenting him, whilst before Dan's death we were very very close. My favourite uncle died of Alzheimer's last month and my ex-husband has been in hospital four times since Daniel's death and I think he is just waiting to die as he misses him so much. I have very strange feelings which I cannot begin to describe. I even shouted at my partner the other day and said "well at least your son's not dead" which was very cruel as he too was very close to him. I have only just realised that I really do need the support of like-minded people as it is NOT the same if your parents, grandparents, siblings etc etc die and even if you have more than one child it cannot feel the same. I don't know how we will get through this. I have no answers but I am willing to try. I feel as if the world, everyday life, people etc are all in some kind of movie which I am watching from afar but not feeling a part of anything. Does that make sense? I am so so sorry for your loss

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