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New to board, My dad died 5 days ago, Need Help NOW

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Old 01-27-2007, 02:19 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2007
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muggle_mama26 HB User
New to board, My dad died 5 days ago, Need Help NOW

Hello, My dad just passed away 5 days ago from an accidental gunshot wound, he was 63. I am having issues because I could not to go to his funeral. I just couldn't do it emotionally. I havent seen him in 6 years, we live far apart but we are very close we talked almost everyday. I am having a hard time because it was so sudden, and I am having a hard time living. I feel like I should have done more, he was buried yesterday. I haven't left the house in 5 days, I haven't showered, I feel lost. My husband has been taking care of my daughter, thank god for him. but i find myself at times as if nothing has happened, am i in denial, i cry like crazy, but sometimes i want to cry, but i cant, they won't come out. should i have went to the funeral? i don't think i could have handled it, i keep telling my mom that i don't want to know it's real, and i need to keep the memory of him like i last saw him not in a box lying there lifeless, not able to acknowledge i am there. Ok some one talk to me about this, for some reason i cant talk to my husband or his family and i have no friends so i am counting on you, thanks

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Old 01-27-2007, 12:11 PM   #2
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Re: New to board, My dad died 5 days ago, Need Help NOW

Oh Muggle I am so sorry to hear of your dad, I lost my dad 8 years ago in june he was 61. I was very close to my dad!!

I also lost my dear mum, it will be a year on the 2nd of Feb 07she was also 61 years old. Oh how I miss her, I cry like a baby some days, I am 41 years old!!

I just wanted to come in and say it will be hard, It doesn't matter that you didn't see your dad in six years, he was still your dad.

don't beat yourself up about not going to the funeral what's done is done think of the good time you had together.

I have three sister all three wasn't speaking to my mum before she pasted.

God Bless... Mandy

Old 01-30-2007, 11:45 PM   #3
Join Date: Apr 2006
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CoyoteBound HB User
Re: New to board, My dad died 5 days ago, Need Help NOW


I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad! I know it's hard, because I lost my Dad and then lost my Mom on March 28, 2006. It is very hard to deal with. Maybe you could get some counseling to help you sort your feelings out.

Some people are different when it comes to funerals. My brother-in-law and all of his family just want hardly go to a funeral at all. When my oldest sister died. my brother-in-law sat in the front of the funeral home until it was almost time to close before he would ever go up to her casket and when he went he asked me and my sisters close friend to go with him. So that goes to show you that every one is different. I hope that this helps some.

God Bless You!

Old 02-09-2007, 08:55 AM   #4
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violaroses HB User
Re: New to board, My dad died 5 days ago, Need Help NOW

that really really sucks, I am so sorry ((()))) and unxpected, thats so hard. its ok that you didnt go to his funeral ((()))) . please let yourself off the hook, its ok , its understandable, it doesnt mean that you didnt love him any less/
my dad died in aug, we were really close too, i saw him twice a day, so just like you, i had daily talks with dad. i feel like i am in a nightmare, i wonder when will i wake up, your news is fresh, it took me forever to get convinced he wasnt coming over anymore.
i was in shock for a long time. i didnt care how i looked either. i have daughters, and they were sad to hear me cry, so i would go in the shower and cry. it helped me stay clean, sometimes i took 3 showers a day, the warmth of the shower water felt good.

Old 02-09-2007, 11:32 AM   #5
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whackedback HB Userwhackedback HB Userwhackedback HB User
Re: New to board, My dad died 5 days ago, Need Help NOW


I'd consider seeing a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for some help. I had the luxury of seeing one through my workplace when my dad died. It helped keep me on an even keel until I could deal with it.

My GP also put me on a starting dose of an antidepressant, whiched seemed to help. Good luck, and condolences for losing your dad.


Old 02-11-2007, 03:46 PM   #6
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Mariley HB User
Re: New to board, My dad died 5 days ago, Need Help NOW


My mom just passed away this past December. I was in the military and at least I was able to spend a few short days with her before she passed. I was able to go to the funeral too. I thought that I wouldn't be able to look at her in the casket but once I did, I found out that it wasn't as bad as I though it would be. Being around so many supportive relatives and friends really helped me! I suggest that you go to the cemetary where he was buried as soon as possible and talk to him and tell him that you are sorry that you did not go to the funeral. I think that you need some type of "Closure". It will not bring your dad back but it it similiar to when people go to court to bring someone to justice after killing their loved one. They are looking for some type of closure. Also, you did not say if someone else killed you dad or not (or do you know?) Maybe you are worried or wonder exactly what happened? In that case it would be good to contact the police and/or the people involved in the investigation so you can find out exactly what happened! I think you are in denial which is one of the stages in death and dying. It would help to talk to a priest or a social worker or someone along those lines.

Old 02-16-2007, 07:25 PM   #7
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steash HB User
Re: New to board, My dad died 5 days ago, Need Help NOW

i lost my dad in january this year, i would love to say its any easier than your at the time "5 days" but if anything its harder. i'm sitting here,its 3 am my time. i havent slept right for 6 weeks, i dont have any regrets because at he time we were getting on so well, the flip side of that is too long to go into just now, but it hurts..... i would have and still would love just 5 minutes.... to say that i loved him that i am going to miss him that i'm going to spend the rest of my life with a huge gap in terms of me and but also my kids, doesnt seem alot in does it? 5 minutes? but then i'll never get that....maybe in my dreams, and thats where i'm going now in hope that it comes...
before i go my dad took alot of comfort from this in his life..
god grant me the serenity to except the things i cannot change
the courage to change the things i can,.
and the wisdom to know the difference.

for me its a poem called "footsteps"

but i'll leave you to look that up yourselves.
take care and thankyou for reading my thoughts

behind every frown is a smile in reverse... turn it around and remember the good times..

Old 02-17-2007, 11:20 AM   #8
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Re: New to board, My dad died 5 days ago, Need Help NOW

Muggle Mama do not beat yourself about not going to the funeral, you had your reasons you loved your dad and he knew it, he was not at the funeral he was in your heart. Funeral's are for the other people and the people who need a funeral for closure, some people just go to socialize. I was my mother's caregiver for 4 month's, I was with her the day she died I loved her more than anything in the whole world. But 5 days later her funeral was held and I did not attend. I had my reason's, I knew I could not cope with that part of losing her, I did not want to see anyone. Aunt's, uncles, cousins, people I did not know I just didn't want to be surrounded by everyone babbling and crying. During the hour of her funeral I was at home thinking about my mom and all we had in life, I ordered flower's and had them sent to the funeral home as well a small bouqet of the same sent to me. I looked thru photo's and read cards we shared and that's how I let my mom go. I didn't need to be part of a funeral I felt would be a fiasco. You know you loved your dad and he loved you and that's what matter's, he's in your heart, he was long gone before the funeral.

Old 02-18-2007, 06:34 PM   #9
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jellybean3009 HB Userjellybean3009 HB User
Re: New to board, My dad died 5 days ago, Need Help NOW

wb, what antidepressant did the dr. put you on? How fast did it work?
I need something NOW!

Old 03-04-2007, 05:51 PM   #10
Join Date: Mar 2007
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hvcrofoot HB User
Re: New to board, My dad died 5 days ago, Need Help NOW

OK, you had a parent die. It sux, no way around it. Take no blame. God does this to all of us in his/her own way. Every thing that happens is meant to happen exactly the way it does. No way you are to blame. Enjoy the love and memories, and forward the love to another person. That is all any of us can do. My mom died Dec 11, 1976, one week before I turned 21. I found her body. Yay. I was diagnosed with cancer on Feb 9, 2004, and my dad died the same day. Yay. Look for love, friends, embrace them all. Live every day like it is your last. Don't weep for the dead, they are with God and better off than us. Live and enjoy your life. But never, never, burn a bridge. You will need it someday.

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