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missing grandad so much, and so confused

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Old 05-02-2007, 03:35 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: scotland
Posts: 62
chelle1980 HB User
missing grandad so much, and so confused

hi there,
this is something i need to et off my chest. as all of my family are involved, i hav no-one to turn to. it's not that i need advise, but i need to let off steam.
2 years ago, my granddad died. he was ill after falling at home alot, and taken to hospital. although i felt he would get better., the doctors soon started giving him morphine, and he deteriorated very quickly. there never seemed to be a cause to why he was fading so quickly.

anyhow, at this time i was 8 months pregnant with my third child. my mum was worried about me visiting all the time, as she didn.t want me getting upset. although it was ok for my brother and his gf to every night. it seemed like excuses all the time. "maybe tomorrow, concentrate on your kids", etc, etc.

i began to feel really shut out, as though i didn't matter. i mean i was 25 then, not a kid. i knew what was happening. i just wanted to spend time with him.

i used to go and see him once a week with my mum(she went daily) , more often if i could. i loved spending time with him. he used to have me in stitches. and he doted on my kids. my brother and his gf hardly ever saw him. 3 times a year possibly.

so, it was at the stage where he was basically in a coma. i went to see him. although my mum wasn't staying long that night, as her sister was visiting that night to let her have a break. so i got about ten minutes with him. it hurt so much.

the next night about 9pm, i got the call to say that it was very close. i sat up in tears with my dh. we are not a big family and to think that everyone was there as he passed away, except me is so hard. i am near tears now.

why was i shut out so much. all i wanted was to be there. was it so much to ask. YES i was pregnant, YES i had the other kids. is that the only reason???

my mum is still grieving, and i don't want to bring up the subject. i just wish i knew.

sorry for such a long post, it feels good just to let it out.



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Old 05-03-2007, 06:08 AM   #2
Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,807
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: missing grandad so much, and so confused

((((((HUGS)))))) to you during this time. I can totally understand where you are coming from in feeling denied the opportunity to spend some time with your grandfather before his passing. I can also understand your mother's concerns for you and your baby at that time as well.

If it gives you any comfort at all I am sure that your grandfather would want you to remember him when he was well and sharing good times with you. And from what you describe he probably would have wanted you to take care of yourself and your baby-to-be rather than seeing him in a declining state which would be upsetting to you.

I think that everybody's actions were out of love for one another. And you are so lucky to have such a loving family who really seem to care about one another.

Don't be afraid to grieve with your about your grandfather with her...share the happy memories with her and how much you are missing her. That way she won't feel so all alone.

I hope that you can reach some peace within yourself about this. Surely your grandfather would not want any guilt weighing you his memory go on to live your life showing your little ones that same love he shared with you. So long as you do his legacy of love will go on.

Hope that my words helped in someway.

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody

Old 05-03-2007, 03:02 PM   #3
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: scotland
Posts: 62
chelle1980 HB User
Re: missing grandad so much, and so confused

thank you so much. i really mean that.
your words have meant so much. and i should realize that it was an act of love,rather than ignorance.
thanks again.
xx xx xx best wishes xx xx xx xx

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