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how to cope with father dying

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Old 01-06-2008, 05:02 AM   #1
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kandybyrd HB User
how to cope with father dying

how to cope with father dying? My dad has cancer and i am watching him waste away to nothing. he is in so much pain and i cant help him. I do i deal with this

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Old 01-06-2008, 08:36 AM   #2
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Re: how to cope with father dying

Originally Posted by kandybyrd View Post
how to cope with father dying? My dad has cancer and i am watching him waste away to nothing. he is in so much pain and i cant help him. I do i deal with this
I went through the same thing with my mom. She had MS and she suffered for a few years before passing away. She was in excruciating pain most of the time and it was so difficult to watch knowing there was nothing I could do. I did a lot of praying, I guess that was a way of coping for me. I hoped that somehow my praying would help her. I'm sorry I don't have much help to offer but your post reminded me so much of what I went through. Try to hang in there. I know it's hard

Old 01-07-2008, 01:01 PM   #3
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Re: how to cope with father dying

1 second at a time. No matter how a loved one dies, there is no way to cope with it, as well as being ready to deal with their passing. My dad passed away suddenly. He had just had a complete physical including for heart disease and cancer three weeks before he passed away. I have had several people tell me how lucky we were because we did not have to watch him die a slow painful death. I come from a very large family so I have also watched a love one die after a long battle with cancer.

First let me say, the last thing I felt when my dad died was lucky. I learned that whether it is a long painful death or a very sudden passing, there is no way to really cope. Each day brings things that you must deal with and so your body just goes through the motions. So what you do is, you wake up everyday and you know for that second of that day, you were able to cope. Each day will bring different challanges, so don't think that you must deal with it all at the same time. Give yourself some time to breathe.

Old 01-10-2008, 05:53 AM   #4
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Re: how to cope with father dying

I am going through the same thing with my 53 year old brother. He has liver cancer and cancer in his spine that spread from his lungs 2 years ago. He was around 200 pounds and is now 130 at the most, just wasting away. He just recently had surgery on his spine to remove some of the tumor to take pressure of his spine and he now only has 15% of the use of his legs so he is in a wheelchair now. We have finally had to have Hospice come in to my mothers home where he lives and they are just wonderful. They will help you learn to cope with what is happening and what will be happening. It is a very hard thing to watch but the important thing is you must make some time for yourself. It gets very trying at times but like I said, take time for yourself. Get a book and sit down for an hour or so at night and just spend some quiet time for yourself. It sure helps me out a lot. And I can't say anything but good things for Hospice. We have only had them for 3 days now but they are just wonderful. They are saying my brother probably has 3 months left at the most. We have our good days and then we have our bad days but we just take one day at a time. Good luck and I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

Old 01-19-2008, 11:28 PM   #5
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Re: how to cope with father dying

First of all I am so sorry you are going thru this. (((hugs))) It is very painful to watch a loved one be in pain and not be able to do anything.

My father passed away from bone cancer (met. from elsewhere) and he was in excruciating pain all the time. We'd give him morphine and he'd sleep until the pain woke him up again. We eventually got hospice and they made sure he was comfortable and relaxed. They gave him a constant infusion of morphine (or other pain meds. Morphine is most common) He died painfree and that's what I wanted most with him.
Hospice can also get referrals to chaplain services or counselors to help family members cope with the dying process.


Old 01-20-2008, 12:05 PM   #6
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Re: how to cope with father dying

My brother passed away on the morning of January 15th. He went down hill really fast since I wrote last. He was very peaceful when he went and that made it much easier on my mother and me. Even though we had Hospice for a week they were just wonderful. Yesterday in the mail I received a card and some material on how to grieve from them. It was very helpful. They are even willing to call us however often we would like. Cherish each moment you have left with those that are ill. I really didn't think he'd be gone that fast but it happened. I had spent the night with my mom and we were both with him when he took his last breath. I know now that he is no longer in pain but it's really hard on me. I figured out how to cope when he was here, now I just need to learn how to cope now that he's gone. I miss him so much. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

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