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Please tell me it gets easier!

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Old 04-06-2009, 05:33 PM   #1
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Please tell me it gets easier!

Hello. I am SO sad. I just lost my Mom 2 days ago. She has been ill, in and out of the hospital, nursing home, etc. since November. The sad thing is she was getting better, but a bed sore, MRSA, then C-Diff is what finally took her. I am 45 years old and feel like I have suddenly become an adult! I feel so exposed right now. I tell myself that she is no longer suffering and that gives me some comfort, but it still hits me in waves. I am not a religous person, but I really felt her presence in my car Saturday night. I talked to her like she was with me, and it really felt like she was. I told her that I really needed to know that she was ok and if she could just give me a sign. I set and talked to her for awhile, then finally went home. My husband met me at the door with a litre of diet coke in his hands and said "I got some diet coke". Mom's favorite thing to drink was diet coke and we were always picking up litres (her favorite) for her since she didn't drive. I don't like diet coke in litres, I always buy cans, so my husband picking up a litre was out of character. It felt like the sign I was asking her for. Does this sound strange? Has anyone else experienced "signs" from loved ones? I miss her so much and the thought of never seeing her pop up on my caller id and hear her voice is overwhelming to me. My 2 siblings and I made the arrangements today, picked out the plot, casket, etc. Never have done that before, wow, it was hard. Well, thanks. Just needed to vent!

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Old 04-06-2009, 07:11 PM   #2
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Re: Please tell me it gets easier!

First of all, I feel very sorry for your loss.

My Mom passed away suddenly on March 27/2009.

The night before, she made her own dinner and had earlier gone shopping with her friends.

Before going to bed, she looked just fine and had cut vegetables to cook the next day.

Friday morning, I noticed that she was positioned in her bed in an awkward position. On closer examination, I knew that something was wrong and called 911 - but it appeared that she had passed away several hours earlier.

How life works we all do not know.

I do hope you will find the strength to carry on and do hope that your Mom's soul is at peace.
It will get better but it will take time - cry if you have to. Above all, do not dwell on what if.. what I could have done etc.
The truth is that we all will face death one day. We all know this but we all do not think it will ever happen to us.
Give yourself time. The pain will lessen over time.
I feel very sad and lonely at times - I am the youngest of the four brothers.
Right now I have relatives visiting and one by one they have started to go back to their homes.
I do know that once everyone is gone, pain/sadness will hit harder. But I do not have a choice - sooner or later I do have to go back to work and carry on.
I do know that my Mom will not want me to ignore things I like doing and she would want me to be happy. I have decided to donate money to her favorite charity and will do something to keep her memory alive for the rest of my life.

Once again, I do wish that things will work out for you and feel sorry for your loss.
Take care,

Old 04-07-2009, 03:12 PM   #3
Red Maple
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Re: Please tell me it gets easier!

Unfortunately, most of us loose our parents in our lifetimes. I lost both of my parents in 1992-a little over 15 years ago. My dad in January 1992, and my mom in July 1992. It was a very difficult time for me, and I sought help from a professional grief counselor. The counseling helped me a lot, though it didn't take the pain away, (because nothing will); it did help me to express my grief and deal with it so that it did not linger unnecessarily. It is very normal to feel sadness at this time, and even at times to feel devastated by the death of a parent, right now your grief is very fresh from a such a recent loss. However if it continues as you move through the grief process, causing you not to enjoy your own life or limits your ability to move forward, please find professional help. It is well worth the time and effort it takes to see a counselor so you can live the happy and productive life your mom's would want you to live.

Best wishes to you both.

Last edited by Red Maple; 04-07-2009 at 03:17 PM.

Old 04-08-2009, 07:29 AM   #4
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Re: Please tell me it gets easier!

Thank you so much for your kind words! I am sorry for losses as well. My Mom was suffering so much, I am glad that she is no longer in pain. I know that my Mom wouldn't want me to dwell on her passing. I just wish I could go back and spend more time with her instead of being so busy with work, kids, family, etc. We really don't get to do it over. I spent more time with her these last 4 months when she was in and out of the hospital, nursing home, etc. then I had spent in a long time, and for that I am grateful. Again, thank you.

Old 04-09-2009, 08:31 PM   #5
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Re: Please tell me it gets easier!

I'm very sorry for your loss. When I lost my mother, a friend who had lost her mother, said to me, "Ain't nobody like mama." Truer words have never been spoken.

I lost my father in 1994 and my mother in 2002. Does it get easier? I can't say easier. What I can say is that you adjust. You adjust to life without your loved ones. You're very lucky that you've felt her presence so soon. It took about 2 years for me to feel my father's presence, and about 9 months to feel my mother, and she's been with me almost constantly since. I thought I was crazy at first, but ever so often, other people, even people that I didn't meet until after she passed, will say they feel like someone else is with us. It's eerie, yet comforting at the same time. Enjoy those signs, and keep having conversations. They will get you through the hard times.

Take care.

Old 04-10-2009, 06:42 PM   #6
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Re: Please tell me it gets easier!

I'm sorry for everyone's losses.. When I lost my Dad 5 years ago I cried non-stop... I was Daddy's little girl and we were so close.. I talk to my Dad every single day but I don't cry anymore.. I knew he was suffering and he was trying to be brave about it all...

But 2 days ago I lost my baby brother, only 49.. This is so much harder to accept..

I am all alone.. My older brother lives with my Mom (not far away) and I am nervous about going over there for my older brother attacks me and my Mom..

Why can't people just comfort each other instead of upsetting one another? This is why I am staying away from them.. I call up my Mom to see how she is doing and after she tells me about her pain, I tell her about my pain but she doesn't want to hear it.. So my feelings don't count?

I don't get it...

Sunny (A very dark sun)

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