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Is there a right way to act?

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Old 05-11-2009, 08:12 PM   #1
charmed one
Join Date: May 2009
Location: missouri
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Is there a right way to act?

My mom is dying of lung cancer. We just found out last week. She only has maybe 2 months left. My daughter is worried that I am not showing enough emotion. I feel the need to be strong. I am the rock that everyone leans on. I am the one caring for my mom along with my sis. If I break down, who will be the rock? It doesn't mean I don't care. I care too much. Will mom know how much I care? She doesn't want to die. We are all in denial. At least we were until today. Hospice came today and it really became real. How do I act to make her feel better? I can't talk to her about dying yet but I know I will have to soon. What an awful thing, knowing you are going to die and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. Will it ever be ok? I am so sad all the time. My dad is in denial bad. He and my mom were high school sweethearts and have been married over 60 years. This is going to kill him. This may kill me. How do people cope? I am so sorry for anyone who is losing someone. How much sad can anyone stand? Am I even making any sense anymore?
*Mom passed away Saturday morning. I wanted to let all reading this to please talk about stuff with your loved one. I couldn't bring myself to talk to mom about dying and could only say in the end when she said to me she was ready to die that the good Lord would take her when it was time. Please just talk, talk,talk to them. Cause when the end comes, you are going to think of a million things you wished you'd said.*

Last edited by charmed one; 06-01-2009 at 06:38 PM. Reason: *Update*

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Old 05-11-2009, 08:46 PM   #2
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caringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB User
Re: Is there a right way to act?

You make a lot of sense.

You are not judged by the amount of tears or lack of them to gage the depth of your love for a person. Your daughter is just looking out for your health feeling that if you keep it all in -- you will be sick when its over. But your body will tell you when its had enough.

Everyone grieves in their own way.

However, you have a relationship with someone dying but you are blessed in a way some others aren't because you have time to talk with them. Tell them what they meant in your life, how you were proud of them when . . .
Hospice has books or pamphlets that helps you know all of this.

the most important thing is that you and everyone else, especially your Dad has to give permission to her to go when the time comes. She will not be at peace if she knows that her passing will cause some pain.

Plus there may be two things that would happen and you have to prepare yourself for it -- you will shoot the messenger but here goes . . .
Your father's grieving, being with her for so long, may have him rushing into a relationship with someone else because he may not know how to be alone. Especially if he doesn't live with you or siblilngs. Or second . . .
your father may miss her so very much, he wouldn't last that much longer after she goes so be there for him, keep him active, busy and most of all in this world showing him how important he is and that he has a lot more living to do.

This is a difficult time. I'll keep you in my prayers. But talk, talk, talk. It'll get you through the time.

Old 05-12-2009, 05:43 AM   #3
charmed one
Join Date: May 2009
Location: missouri
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Re: Is there a right way to act?

Thank you caringsister

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