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mom died months ago and my dad is dying of cancer

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Old 04-17-2010, 10:35 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1
walkwife HB User
mom died months ago and my dad is dying of cancer

Hi My mom died 3 months ago and now my dad is dying from lung and bone cancer and they lived in another state and I watched my mom disappear before my eyes and I cant take seeing my dad like that am I a bad daughter

I am the only child and he and my mom were divorced. I have not had a chance to mourn my mom cause I am going through this again and I know that its not about me.. I have seen my dad 3 weeks ago and I call his wife everyday to see how he is and she said that nothing has changed am I being selfish cause I know that I cant take going through this again and so soon

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Old 04-18-2010, 01:06 AM   #2
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Posts: 101
islandjohnny HB User
Re: mom died months ago and my dad is dying of cancer

walkwife......I am so sorry to read about your situation. I remember 16 years ago, how I spent so many days and nights watching my mom slipping away with cancer. I truly understand the roller coaster of emotions that you're feeling. About 8 years before my mom passed away, we also lost our dad to a different kind of cancer.

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all need a time of redevelopment to function, and with all you are going through, it has to be very frustrating. You mentioned that you were the only child, but do you have other family members in which you can talk with?

Take one day at a time and know your limits of strength, for we are only human. It's very important that you yourself don't get run down emotionally and/or physically, for that serves no reasonable purpose either.

There is no doubt that this is a difficult time in your life. Know that this too shall pass, and in the long run, peace will again surround you with comfort.

There is no magic pill to take when times get really rough......but we can get through it taking One day at a time..........

Last edited by islandjohnny; 04-18-2010 at 01:07 AM.

Old 04-22-2010, 06:41 PM   #3
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Lancaster, PA
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Ivorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB UserIvorygirl HB User
Re: mom died months ago and my dad is dying of cancer

Hi, Walkwife ~ Oh how I feel your torment and pain. I had lost my dear youngest brother in June 2009 after a long battle with Dysautonomia, a rare condition in which the autonomic system shuts down. It was a long illness and granted we had the time to come to terms with it nothing ever prepares you to lose a little brother. He was only 46 years old when he died.

Then, on New Years Eve, only months after losing my brother, I received a call from my mom. She had fallen on a suitcase and while examining her to check for a broken rib, the doctor found her liver to be quite enlarged. I said that it was probably a blessing in disguise but it wasn' was the most aggressive form of liver cancer in the end stages and they gave her only months to live.

My family felt as if the wind had been knocked out of us, we were still mourning the loss of my brother and here we were facing the same with my mom. This was a woman who never was sick and walked 2-3 miles a day and had just ran a 5K Marathon with her granddaughter.

Somehow we found the strength to go through it again.....we decided to make the best of the time we had left and quickly picked ourselves up and brushed ourselves off and got ready for round 2 in the ring.

It wasn't easy but we somehow found the strength to do it. My brother lived an hour away, I was down in FL getting a taste of snowbirding as a respite from losing my brother and far away. But I flew in when my mom had to go into the hospital and helped her recuperate and made several other trips as much as I could.

My brother and I worked with the doctors to allow her to fly down to FL so our family could spend some quality time together while she was still up to it. We spent a week together as a family and it was the best thing we ever did.

Shortly after her return she declined terribly.....and in less than three months after that dreaded phone call on New Year's Eve we lost her. That was only weeks ago and I am feeling the effects of it now.

I lost half my family in less than a year and I am still numb and mourning it each and every day.

I think you should do whatever you can do.....I spent alot of time on the phone with my mom because she was the type of person when feeling bad needed to be able to crawl up in a ball and get through it without worrying about others.

I know your dad understands and that you can spend time with him in different ways.

With emails, the post office and phones and webcams it is much easier to do so.

Take care of yourself and listen to your heart. It will tell you what you can or cannot do at this time.

I am sending you some extra (((HUGS))) and letting you know that you are not alone in this.

If you need to talk or vent I am here.

(((HUGS))) ~ Ivory

Last edited by Ivorygirl; 04-22-2010 at 06:51 PM.

Old 04-22-2010, 07:14 PM   #4
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 4
NYcaring HB User
Re: mom died months ago and my dad is dying of cancer


You're not being selfish and you're not a bad daughter.

You're human. Loss is never easy.

Your strength is being tested, and most people in similar situations would probably feel the same way as you are feeling right now. You can only take as much as you can take. Listen to what your heart tells you and do what you can to make your life as easy as possible for yourself. Try not to feel guilty for wanting to protect yourself emotionally. You're doing the best you can given all that's happening.

Take care of yourself.

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