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  • How do I deal with my mothers death???

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    Old 05-18-2010, 09:00 PM   #1
    sassybluechicag's Avatar
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    Unhappy How do I deal with my mothers death???

    My mom died when I was 17. My dad was never a part of my life. My mom and grandma were the ones who raised me. My grandma died about 3 years before my mom. When my mom dies I was devistated. She was my best friend. She was the reason I made it through my grandmas death. Her death was unexpected. She was in the hospital 3 weeks, I never left her side. Before the day she went in we had no idea anything was that wrong.
    After her death me being only 17 was a big problem. I had no other family. So I was appointed a guardian. I was allowed to stay in our apartment though. The whole guardianship process was really messy. Three weeks after my moms death I was riding in a friends car and she flipped in into a ditch. After that I moved in with this amazing family that I had met through one of the nurses at the hospital.
    I has been about 10 months sinces my moms death. My dad stil doesn't give a crap about me. I just graduated high school a few days ago. The past few days have been really hard for me. I have been sad and crying non stop. I am so good at hiding my emotions no one even notices. So much happened after my moms death I never really had much of a chance to grieve. Between the car wreck, then having to empty out a whole house and move, then straight into my senior year of school, things have been crazy. Now everything has settled down and I have free time. I have nothing to distract myself with anymore. I feel so lonely. It hurts so bad. I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to get through this???

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    Old 05-23-2010, 01:23 PM   #2
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    Re: How do I deal with my mothers death???

    Maybe you should try and get into a grief/depression group of some sort. You are doing good by being able to talk about it, so take advantage of that and get in a group. If it doesnt seem to help, well just drop it. But, I think its worth a try in your situation. You obviously are very strong and I believe your going to do fine in life. But, deal with this stuff you can have the rest of your life to be happy. I know you will always miss your mom and grandma. They would want you to be happy.....
    God bless you!

    Old 05-24-2010, 02:09 PM   #3
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    Re: How do I deal with my mothers death???

    Hi Sassy. You will get through this just like I got through my mom's death at 21. Like you, dad didn't give a crap and announced he was re-marrying his mistress(who knew) just 2 weeks after her death. He married less than 4 months after and sold our house and moved...left no forwarding address. I was on my own.

    I did therapy. I found support groups through a local church. I found other kids to talk to who lost their moms early(no internet back then...look for on-line groups for teens). I had to find out how to help myself and there are a lot of ways to do it. But they don't come looking for have to go find them and participate.

    The worse thing you can do is isolate yourself. Talk to your new family about it. Talk to anyone who will talk to you about it. You'll be surprised how many people have faced this.

    And I vividly remember breaking down and just crying day after day about 10-11 months after she died....really common to have it hit you after several months. That's pretty normal. It will take time and you'll always remember but the pain does fade.

    You unfortunately have to grow up a little quicker than others your age but that isn't a bad thing. It made me far more self-sufficient as an adult. And it will make you appreciate life a lot more than most girls your age. You know how fleeting it can be......a valuable lesson.

    Hang in there and start reaching out to anyone who can help and accept that help. You'll be okay.

    been there..................Jenny(now 58 with kids aged 32 and 34...married 35 years)

    Old 05-24-2010, 02:27 PM   #4
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    Re: How do I deal with my mothers death???

    (((sassy))) no matter what our age, we do feel such a terrible loss when we lose our mom, but at 17, that is just tragic.

    There are seven stages of grieving. You can google that, and get an idea of what you are feeling/experiencing and that will help you know that all of your sadness is very normal.

    I like the idea of grief counseling or just some therapy in general. This WILL get better, I promise. Don't keep your feelings locked up. And you are better to go through it, to get through it. The distractions really only delay the necessary grieving that you need to do hun to feel better.
    Sending some positive thoughts and prayers for your strength..


    Old 07-11-2010, 02:33 AM   #5
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    Re: How do I deal with my mothers death???

    Hi! Sassybluechicag
    I am sorry to hear about your mother ís death .I sure that you are missing her everyday. My father passed away 1 year ago , very suddenly .And sometimes I still canít accep a truth that heís gone. I totally lost my way like you now . 'cause my mother married another man .Iím only 15 and I donít know what to do .But my teacher said to me : the wind that whispers through the trees, the brightest star at night,a rainbow on a dismal day, a shaft of golden light,
    All these are signs they send to us, a message from above,that even death can't break the bonds of our family.So I get better everyday.I think that he will stand by me, even I donít see him. I know that those condolences ,you maybe heard 100 times. But I just want to help Ö..
    Please accept my heartfelt sympathy on the passing of your mom!
    I'm not good at English so forgive me for my mistake in this sympathy.OK?

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