HealthBoards (
-   Death & Dying (
-   -   feel alienated by my family (

sadfacedme 05-06-2011 05:58 PM

feel alienated by my family
My father died unexpectedly 2 days ago. We are all still in shock and my younger sister who dad lived with has taken control of funeral arrangements. We are all dealing with his death as best we can but I am starting to feel alienated. Yesterday she lost her temper with me and threw me out of her house when I mentioned my son wanted to be involved with the funeral mass. Today she phoned me with date of the funeral and proceeded to tell me my partner was ''barred''. I split with my partner last year and when my family found out a few weeks ago that we had got back together they made their feelings clear that they wanted nothing more to do with me as long as i was with him. He had a drink problem which he is now dealing with, he has been sober for 6 months. My sister told me dad had hated him and he would not have wanted him at his funeral and that if he turned up he would be asked to leave. She also told me that my exhusband(father of my three children) and his family(who all got on well with my dad) were not welcome. she then called my son and said actually his dad could go but my partner was still not welcome. To be honest myself and my partner have discussed it and he will stay away if that is what I want, I just want dad laid to his final resting place peacefully. I just cant help feeling that noone else in the family has been told their partner is not welcome. My sister never liked my partner and whilst I dont want to cause any undue upset to anyone, he has been my greatest support at this time.....I can't sleep and have a constant headache , I am fine one minute and the next sobbing. My sister has just sent ******** invites to Dad's funeral and has sent messages to MY friends requesting their presence.....I simply feel so alienated from my family and dont know which way to turn next.

Seraph 05-06-2011 07:44 PM

Re: feel alienated by my family
I am sorry for your loss and what is happening now. If there is ever a time when family differences should be put aside (even if only temporarily) it is when a family member dies. I don't know that your sister has this much say in who goes to the funeral, the church/cemetery are public places and they cannot prevent people from watching. If it were me, I would defy my sister and bring my partner, even if he just stays on the periphery. You have every right to farewell your father in any way you choose. I cannot believe that your sister is banning people left right and centre - it is just NOT her right to do this. A funeral is for anyone who wishes to say goodbye to the loved one. Best wishes, Sera.

cryingforever 05-09-2011 10:54 AM

Re: feel alienated by my family
Sorry for your loss, hugs xxx

Seems like your sisters making it all about her and her rules and i agree with seraph she has no right. Take your partner if he wants to go with you for moral support and tell your sister your partner will be going and thats the end of it. I would.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:08 PM.