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Old 06-07-2012, 02:47 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: mccleary, wa USA
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hailiesmom HB User
so sad

Hi, im new on here..I just lost my fiance suddenly 3 weeks ago, he was fine one minute, and when I came to check on him a few minutes later, he was laying on the bed, resting. When I came in the room, he was in cardiac arrest, although I didnt know what was going on at the time. He appeared to be having some sort of seizure, or unconscious..he was making horrible breathing noises, really labored sounding,and was turning blue. I immediately grabbed the phone and dialed 911 and started cpr, to the best of my ability. They finally arrived 10 min later, by then he was barely breathing and I knew I was losing him. They worked on him for 45 min, but he ultimately died. I ended up in the Psyche ward for a week after because I couldnt accept he was gone and felt I was losing my mind.Since then, I have been plagued by guilt that I couldnt save him, Doc said his arteries were so clogged nothing anyone could do..but I still feel I let him down. I have also become obsessed with death, to the point where I cant seem to focus on anything else. I went to a therapist once but didnt find it too helpful..all she did was sat and listened to me and told me things I already knew. Does anyone know if this is normal after suddenly, and unexpectedly losing a loved one? I feel like im going crazy. He was only 43 so mortality slapped me in the face hard, neither of us knew he would die that day, which made me realize, none of us ever knows. If anyones been through this, please help, every day is torture and I dont know how much more I can take

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Old 06-07-2012, 04:27 PM   #2
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Re: so sad

I am sorry for your loss. You said it right, that mortality slapped you in the face. All the what-ifs are a normal part of grief, it is coming to terms with death being totally out of our control. Everything you describe is well within the normal range of experience. Three weeks is no time at all, so do not push yourself or beat yourself up for grieving. You will come to realize that you did all you could, and if even the paramedics couldn't save him, you could have done no more. I know you said therapy didn't help you much, but it is too soon to take anything in. Do you have someone you can talk to? The best thing about a therapist as opposed to friends and relatives, is that he/she will not try to rush you through the stages of grief. Talking and even writing down your day-to-day feelings will be very helpful. Keep posting here if you need a bit of feedback. Sera

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