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Trying to understand

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Old 08-11-2012, 08:29 PM   #1
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MonkeyScents HB User
Trying to understand

To whom may be reading this, I am new to all of this. Now in 2005, I lost my step dad to cancer and I kid you not, not even two weeks after that I lost my mother. Its now going on 7 years now I not only do I feel like it is all my fault that they have gone, but I honestly cant get through these two passing. They were both sick before I moved out of the house. I told myself many times if I move that something is going to happen. I thought getting a memorial tattoo in their memory would help with the healing, but sadly it hasnt even though I love the tattoo. What can I do to heal? What am I to do? Please help!

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Old 08-12-2012, 11:09 PM   #2
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Re: Trying to understand

Well it is wrong to say that you are responsible for there deaths. As you said they were already suffering with cancer, so sooner or later this was going to happen. I know it is hard for us to accept such harsh realities of life but then we all have to live with it.

Old 08-13-2012, 08:02 AM   #3
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Re: Trying to understand

Welcome to the boards. Glad you are reaching out for help from others. That is a crucial first step in dealing with your guilt and grief. As Eddie said, your stepDad, suffering with cancer, had his fate predetermined unfortunately. You didn't mention what your Mom died from, but in no way can you blame yourself for someone else's death. The trauma of losing 2 loved ones so close in time is extreme, and it is not surprising you are still suffering as a result. The first step to getting better is to get some counselling from a professional who deals with grief counselling. Grief counsellors are sometimes available through churches and other community organizations, as well as through the usual mental health system. Your insurance may even pay for this service as part of your mental health coverage. I would check locally for "grief counsellors" or google that with your location or zip code. Also, you can check your local newspaper for community events, support groups, meet-up groups that focus on grief work. Many venues are available to people going through delayed grief and loss of loved ones. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's book, Death and Dying, is a good read about the 5 stages of grief, and it may help give you some background about the normal process and where you may be stuck. Good luck. You can get past this, but the guilt may be keeping you stuck and that needs to be worked through early and thoroughly. This may take several months to a couple of years, so please be patient with yourself.

Old 08-13-2012, 11:07 AM   #4
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Re: Trying to understand

I have just experienced something very similar. I lost both my parents 30 days of each other, just a few months ago. I must encourage you to reject the idea of you having any responsibility in either of their deaths. That is too much of a burden to bear, you are not responsible.

Each of us has a certain time on this earth, and when our time comes, we must go. There is never a good time to loose our parents, or any other loved ones. It is always too early.

Since so much time has passed without you being able to go on as you would like to, I would suggest a bereavement counselor or support group where you can share you feelings with others in the same boat. It is only after this happens to us that we can truely understand the huge impact it can have on our lives.

Also remember that your parents would have never wanted you to carry all this guilt and responsibility for their passing. It really does help to get these feeings out, so please feel free to post all you need to, and we will be here to help you,..


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