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Feeling Miserable after moms death.

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Old 08-27-2012, 04:13 AM   #1
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Feeling Miserable after moms death.

Its been 2 months since my mom passed away. She was not only a mother, but a good friend as well, with whom I used to share all my happiness & concerns. She was all healthy and just in a course of a week turned things upside down. She was identified with a heart problem and passed away in a weeks time. I was living a king-size life when my mother was there, but now i am nowhere.

I am terribly shattered and out of mind. My dad is at my home town and I am working at another city around 600kms apart. Even my dad is fully shattered. I travel down every weekend to my home town. Due to professional limitations, it is not practical for both of us to stay at the same town. Now I am scared of anything and everything. Eventhough I am married, employed with a good job and big enough to look after myself, i am highly worried as to how things are going to work in future without mom there. I feel that we are at the mercy of others.

I am scared if i will be able to take care of my father the same way as mom did. I am trying my level best, but I feel I am not able to manage him as easily as she used to. He is also getting old, and all ugly thoughts about how i will manage if something is needed is haunting me. Now our relatives are helping us in many things, but the feeling that what my mother used to do, is being done by somebody else is tearing me. I do know that they are doing all these for good.

I have even come to an extent that I have lost all the enthusiasm. My current approach to life seems to be something like - mom is not there, everything is over, there is no happiness for me now, so somehow lead a blank life and move forward.

Not sure if this is what is called depression.

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Old 08-27-2012, 02:28 PM   #2
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Re: Feeling Miserable after moms death.

Yes, you are depressed which is completely normal at this point in your grieving. It's only been 2 months. That's a very short time and it will get better over time. It's very hard to lose a parent, especially suddenly when you've had no time to prepare yourself. Although, either way it's difficult. It suddenly makes us realize our mortality because it's hard to believe Mom is gone.......she's always been there and in our "kid" mind.....she always would be. I went through the same thing when my Mom passed away suddenly. It took me quite a while to deal with it and I don't think you ever really get over it. You just learn to cope. You must honor your Mom and continue to live and enjoy the time you have on earth. I believe we will all be together again, someday, somewhere. God bless!

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akhilv (08-28-2012)
Old 08-28-2012, 12:12 AM   #3
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Re: Feeling Miserable after moms death.

Thank you Rudiraven.

I am loosing my temper for no reason now-a-days. I get anger and shout at my wife for no reason and then feel sad thinking that she has done no wrong and I go console her after that. Since she understands the problem that I am facing, she supports me.

Things are getting more worse now as yesterday i heard that my dad who treated for a vein thrombosis a year back and was declared cured, has started developing the same again. Doctors have asked to conduct a few rigorous medical tests on him to make sure why this has repeated. They said they want to make sure that it is not anything cancerous that has caused this to repeat. The tests are likely to be done day-after-tomorrow.

Its grief over grief that i am forced to face now-a-days, and I have totally lost the enthusiasm to life. I did not mean i dont want to live, but the feeling of what damn horrible life am i living has climbed on me. I feel if mom was there these things would not have happened, or at-least the situation would have been better handled..

Old 08-28-2012, 02:51 PM   #4
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Re: Feeling Miserable after moms death.

I'll try and address this from the aged parent's point of view since that's where I am. It is my greatest worry that if I go first or my husband goes first that the one left behind will cause anguish for our two far away. I obsess about this a great deal.

So it seems to me that your mom would be best remembered and pleased if you can accept that life ends for each of us but that you can carry on to help your father as best you can, to think of the life your mom had and enjoyed and enrich those she left behind including yourself at the same time. You can remember her with love and gratitude and do the same for the others around you. Not easy, I'm sure, but outlook and attitude and doing for ourself and others helps us to be strong to go on. This, it seems to me, is the way to triumph over the inevitable.

Old 08-28-2012, 04:19 PM   #5
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Re: Feeling Miserable after moms death.

Hi, I recommend you talk to someone and maybe get on some meds if just for a little while until you get thru this. My mom got sick a few summers ago but got well but during that time it really took a toll on me mentally and physically and I ended up on anti-depressants which I'm trying to come off of now. Its hard and it does really help having someone to talk to. They really help keep things in perspective. good luck and I hope you feel better soon. Time will heal. cj

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