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Advice? Father dying liver chirosis (alcoholic)

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Old 11-16-2012, 08:54 PM   #1
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Jow686 HB User
Advice? Father dying liver chirosis (alcoholic)

Hi, my name is Joe i'm 19 years old. My father has been an alcoholic my whole life and about 5 months ago he was diagnosed with chirosis of the liver and placed under hospice care. I'm the oldest of my siblings my sister being 2 years younger, and my brother 8 years younger than I. My father has always been quite unfair and everything has always had to go his way. He also had a really rough childhood which is mostlikely the main factor in why he's in the posisition he's in and probably why he's always acted the way he does. Ive always been mature for my age because of some of the things ive had to endure throughout my childhood, and have always played a part in raising my younger siblings. About 3 years ago I started voicing my opinion towards his actions, and we constantly butted heads, so i moved out. And since he's been diagnosed i moved back in and swept my problems under the rug. He's gone downhill somewhat fast since all this has happened and still is, I do not know how much longer he has left but not much longer for sure. He's always loved me and my sibblings and wanted the best for us and we were very close, until i began to formulate my own opinion, and the same has happened with my sister recently the moving out and whatnot. Like i said ive been there for him since he's been diagnosed. But he's still got his additude and it's not just typical biccering he says very hurtful things and he'll ignore me and treat me somewhat badly at times. He's still very unfair and very rude. I do not know what to do, i really would like to end our relationship on a good note but its so hard because of the things he says and the way he treats me. I always try to let what he says go and not let it get to me. After our arguements i will every time try and pretend nothing happened and just be cheerful towards him. But he on the other hand will COMPLETELY ignore me and hold a grudge towards me until he is over it. He wont even look at me, he'll pretend im not even in the room. He'll also go out of his way by making side comments to my sibblings to make me feel like im a bad person or ive done wrong. I dont know what to do? I Dont want to end on a bad note with him, but i also will not tollerate his hurtful, rediculous actions. Should i just suck it up and tollerate it? Appolagise for what i didnt do? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks and sorry for such a jumbled together mess of sentences.

Last edited by mod85; 11-16-2012 at 09:58 PM.

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Old 11-17-2012, 11:32 AM   #2
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ekr27 HB User
Re: Advice? Father dying liver chirosis (alcoholic)

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I imagine that would be tough. Honestly, I would say just suck it up and enjoy the moments you have left with your Dad. I understand your resentment and all, but you only have one Dad. He needs you now whether he is voicing it or not. You have this short amount of time left with your Dad. Make the best of it. I wouldn't want you to look back 10 years from now and completely regret holding a grudge. Put all that aside & focus on what is important right now. I hope this helped..


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Jow686 (11-18-2012)
Old 11-17-2012, 12:09 PM   #3
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Re: Advice? Father dying liver chirosis (alcoholic)

Totally agree with ekr27. Take nothing personally from him. He can't help himself as he is in his last stretch and knows it. Look for any good moments you can so you can remember them to feel good about him.

Compassion and love and forgiveness will see you through.

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Jow686 (11-18-2012)
Old 11-17-2012, 07:14 PM   #4
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Jow686 HB User
Re: Advice? Father dying liver chirosis (alcoholic)

Thank you guys very much for your responces. You're both definately right, and it felt good to somewhat vent by posting on here. Thanks again

Old 11-17-2012, 08:11 PM   #5
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Re: Advice? Father dying liver chirosis (alcoholic)

My advice to you is to look at his behavior as his illness speaking, not him. if you can squeeze in any moments of clarity and love, take them everytime.

I just lost my father, and I know I would love to have those last few weeks with him again, as you want to be left free of regrets.

I also lost a very dear friend to alcoholism and it was a tough last stage. Remember he will likely be in pain, and if you can offer him a moment of relief, it will never be something you regret.

Your dad had a disease, and while it may seem like it was a choice along the way, at this point he is likely in agony and the alcoholic brain will eventually become lethally poisoned, and his behavior will no longer be in his control.

I commend you wishes to let him pass in a state of forgiveness and love.

Very few alcoholics ever meant to hurt the ones that love them, like you say, his issues likely came with him from childhood.

I am so sorry, be strong and lead with love..

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