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  • Suffocating Pressure Constantly Surrounding Me

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    Old 04-25-2015, 01:28 AM   #1
    Misa12's Avatar
    Join Date: Apr 2015
    Posts: 6
    Misa12 HB User
    Suffocating Pressure Constantly Surrounding Me

    Upon first meeting me, you can sense a hidden cloud of negativity. I suffer from an anxiety disorder that causes panic attacks. Even though I conquered my panic attacks, I left with feelings of emptyness. I was diagnosed with depression about 7 years ago when my father suffered a major stroke and then again when he died 5 years ago. Ever since then, I cannot sleep well most nights with sleeping pills. I simply stay awake at night thinking and thinking about my past and future. I have had nights where I think about what if someone else dies tomorrow. As a full time college student, I still live with my mother who is a simple immigrant. The looming possibilities of her getting ill forces me to place great pressure on me in school and work. The loss of my father isolate me from talking about my changing future with anyone close. I also only have a couple friends and a boyfriend. But truthfully, majority of the time I can't stand being by people. I just thinking too much to even interact with them. I have caught myself almost crying in public due to my intense reflection. I have antianixety, antidepressants, and sleeping pills being prescribed by a doctor. But I feel I have grown a strong tolerance. If I don't force myself to feel nothing, then I feel pain, fear, and loneliness. I just want to feel happy more often than sad. I simply don't know what to do since I function a high level even though internally I'm dying

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