It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Depression Message Board

  • I can't take it anymore

  • Post New Thread   Reply Reply
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 04-30-2015, 05:48 PM   #1
    Risten
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    Risten's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Apr 2015
    Posts: 2
    Risten HB User
    I can't take it anymore

    Okay, so I don't know if im depressed or not but I am certainly on the way to it. A year ago I went to the US to meet a guy I fell in love with online. I was supposed to stay 3 months but he ended up proposing to me and we got married. At the time I was ridiculously happy with my choices and my life. I didn't think of the consequences of overstaying my visa (I'm from Greece by the way.) but now I'm paying the price. A year later were living under the same roof, he has a steady job I can't work cause I'm illegal so I'm home 24/7 I don't drive. When I came here I was a very outgoing person, always putting a smile on peoples faces. Right now I can safely say I hate my existence and my life. My husband went from that sweet and dreamy person I met online to a monster. He disrespects me to the max, every time we fight he won't forget to tell me that I'm going to do nothing with my life and that I'm contributing nothing. That I'm useless. He gets incredibly angry very fast, has broken my phone 3 times now and has been very close to hitting me. We rarely go out and I just feel trapped. This was a choice I made but I never imagined it'd cause me so much pain. He never does anything sweet for me to remind me I'm his wife. I am losing myself slowly. I find myself crying when he leaves for work but the sob kind of cry. The one that just leaves you out of breath. The thing is, when my mom calls me on ***** to ask how I'm doing I'm always smiling and happy. I never show her just how sad I am. Why? I don't know. I want to get out or I will explode.

     
    Reply With Quote
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 05-01-2015, 07:23 AM   #2
    solcita
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    solcita's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2004
    Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
    Posts: 276
    solcita HB Usersolcita HB User
    Re: I can't take it anymore

    WOW: I can understand you a lot more than you could ever imagine.

    I had a similar story to yours but it ended before I could moved in (Thankfully).

    I think the situation is taking the worst of you two. I'm trying not to judge your husband at all, as I think he's also not getting what he dreamed of.
    I'm trying to imagine he is not a bad person and he is only living a very stressful situation.

    I'm trying to see the situation from both sides. You feel miserable and you are not longer yourself. Everything he might have fallen in love with is gone.
    However non of this can justify violence AT ALL.

    I'd suggest you to get legal help towards your visa. I don't know if it's too late... you've been married and living together for a year...
    Once you get your visa, get a job, start having a life outside your house. Right now you are trapped, that makes your depression worse.
    Start therapy. Not only by yourself but also couple's therapy.

    If none of this is possible... I'd consider going back home. Start working again in yourself. I'm in a long distance marriage now (we lived together back home for 4 years, and I've been living in Japan for 2 years now), so I know distance is a *****. But as you met through internet, you can calm things down with the distance and try to work things out through internet once more. Sometimes, a pause is what you need.

    IF you go back home and try to get yourself back together, could he visit you?
    Once you go back home, how long would you have to wait in order to be able to ask for a proper visa?

    Being illegal in any country is ALWAYS high risk and bad news... because if they catch you and deport you, it will be near to impossible to get back. IF you go back home by yourself you might get better chances of getting a visa later... but don't know for how long... the only possible way for you to legalized your situation would be having a child, but having in mind the fragile state of your marriage I would NEVER EVER recommend it.

    I think you should have a deep breath, be honest with yourself, and try to have an honest talk with your husband and try to find the best way to get better...

    I really hope all gets better...
    __________________
    * Excuse my sometimes poor English, it's not my native language *

     
    Reply With Quote
    Old 05-01-2015, 08:44 AM   #3
    Risten
    Newbie
    (female)
     
    Risten's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Apr 2015
    Posts: 2
    Risten HB User
    Re: I can't take it anymore

    Thank you for taking the time to read my situation. I suppose you're right about me not being the same person he fell in love with but he made me this way. I have researched everything about going back to my county and that'd result in a 10 year ban from the US which I don't want. He's also in the Navy so him visiting me would be very unlikely. Right now we got some extra money and he promised we would start my Green card but as ALWAYS, it's his money and I never know if he's actually going to do it. He has never said its our money and never given me any access to it. So right now I feel trapped because I can't go home and I also can't be sure I'll have the life I wanted here. I don't know if counseling would work, I've told him he needs anger management classes but he always ignores me. We have talked about having a kid but I'd NEVER try to get pregnant if I think I'm depressed or with him being the way he is.

     
    Reply With Quote
    Old 05-01-2015, 05:27 PM   #4
    solcita
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    solcita's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2004
    Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
    Posts: 276
    solcita HB Usersolcita HB User
    Re: I can't take it anymore

    So there's actually a way to get your green card legally now, it only takes money.
    If money can solve the problem, then it's not that bad.

    I think you have to sit down and talk with him telling him you cannot go on living like this, it's not healthy for you and not healthy for him.

    Tell him you need your green card in order to be able to help with the money around the house, and tell him about being depressed.

    I'm surprised you haven't discussed money management before getting into the marriage.
    In that long distance/online relationship I had, that was a huge issue we spoke even before meeting in person for the first time.
    With my DH we also spoke about money management when we started dating...

    I think there's a lot of things you haven't agreed on, and now you're suffering the consecuences.

    Trust me, you do need a therapist. Sometimes they can help you to see from the outside, and that person can be well prepared to tell you if your H's reactions are indeed violent or just loud...

    Don't put yourself in the victim's position. In order to get better you have to take action as well. Don't wait until HE does your green card, start researching your situation and go to him with FACTS.

    Truth to be told, you cannot simply stay there illegaly, because the day they catch you, you will be ban for 10 years and no marriage can survive 10 years of distance when the in-house relationship was so bad in the first place.

    So basically you have two options here: get legal or just divorce and go back home... but something has to be done, you cannot live this way, it's like a ticking bomb... you're just waiting for everything to blow up in your face. And it's always harder to get up and walk again after a big bomb exploded.
    __________________
    * Excuse my sometimes poor English, it's not my native language *

     
    Reply With Quote
    Reply Reply




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:00 AM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!