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How Do I Forgive Someone Who Hurts Me


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Old 04-24-2017, 09:43 AM   #1
Marissaghost
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How Do I Forgive Someone Who Hurts Me

I've been married to my husband for a year now, and dated him for four years before. He really hurt me a few days ago, and I don't know how to forgive him. Every time I think about it, it feels like a hole is in my stomach and like I'll be sick. We had been drinking with a close friend of mine a few days before. They kept walking off together, which was fine because I trust both of them. But at one point she came to me and said, with him next to her, that they were connecting emotionally and (jokingly) said it wouldn't even be weird to have sex with him. And he very seriously said, "well I'd like that". I started crying and she instantly regretted what she said and told him to be there for me and tried to walk away. He followed her and she kept telling him to stay with me and he just stared at her and then looked at me as she walked away. He wanted to go upstairs with her, and only stayed with me because she raised her voice at him to stay... ouch... anyway, The next morning, thinking I didn't remember anything they both were like, "haha he wasn't even that drunk just tipsy". After I told him I remembered what he said he says that he didn't say it and that he doesn't remember that happening if it did. I'm so hurt, and he keeps asking me for forgiveness but he hasn't even mustered up an apology... I feel betrayed that he would say that, and I don't know how to get over it. I know he didn't do anything, but it kills me that my close friend and my husband would say that they would like to have sex right in front of me. It really hurts. I feel like my spirit has been broken.

I notice I posted this in the wrong topic. I'm sorry for that.

Last edited by Marissaghost; 04-24-2017 at 10:21 PM.

 
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Old 04-24-2017, 12:51 PM   #2
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Re: How Do I Forgive Someone Who Hurts Me

Big big hugs to you Marissaghost, what a terrible thing to happen to you!

Sorry, but a friend does not do this to another friend. It looks as though (in my opinion only of course) they were trying to gauge your response to see if they would get away with doing this without any recourse from you Alcohol can certainly be such a hindrance in some circumstances as it lowers our inhibitions and can cause many problems in our sober lives.

Your husband needs to man up and admit what he's done while drunk instead of blaming the alcohol so you guys can move on from this with it all out in the open. If you feel ok to do so, let him know exactly how you are feeling and what you expect from him in order to move forward from this with your health in tact.

Big hugs again! I hope you can sort through this relatively quickly <3
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Old 04-24-2017, 12:53 PM   #3
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Re: How Do I Forgive Someone Who Hurts Me

How has this one comment hurt me so much? I just wish I could understand that he was drunk, but I can't get it out of my head that he said this to her. Even if we were tipsy, it hurts. Most of all, because it wouldn't be the first time he was unfaithful to me. He was many years ago, and I thought I was over it but now I'm afraid that the trust I regained with him has diminished. I have no friends to talk to about this, and I feel so completely alone. Should I talk to her about this? I don't know what to do anymore.

Last edited by Marissaghost; 04-24-2017 at 12:56 PM.

 
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Old 04-24-2017, 12:55 PM   #4
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Re: How Do I Forgive Someone Who Hurts Me

Thank you... I just feel so betrayed and embarrassed. I've tried talking to him about it many times, and he keeps claiming he doesn't remember. I don't know how I can forgive him if he isn't even sorry... How can he say he doesn't remember when they both said he wasn't that drunk. I was much more drunk than he was and I remember it so clearly.

 
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Old 04-24-2017, 01:52 PM   #5
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Re: How Do I Forgive Someone Who Hurts Me

Absolutely talk to her about it if you're up to it. It might help build some closure for you too, especially if your husband continues to deny everything. I am sorry to hear he has been unfaithful in the past and can see how this would be so soul shattering for you to be trying to pick the pieces back up along with trust that has been so broken.

It is difficult when we have no-one in life to talk to about our feelings, that is why I love being on this health board. There are such lovely people around, always an ear or shoulder only a click away!

I do hope things settle for you soon and you get some answers from your friend or your husband!
DW.

 
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Old 06-08-2017, 07:07 AM   #6
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Re: How Do I Forgive Someone Who Hurts Me

Marissaghost - so sorry this has happened. Since your husband has a history of cheating and then this came up, I suggest you believe him and what he said. It looks like he will cheat again and he even told you such. Please find another friend, therapist, clergy, family member that you can confide in, and since they know you, they might be able to give you further advice in what's best for you.

 
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Old 06-08-2017, 07:21 AM   #7
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Re: How Do I Forgive Someone Who Hurts Me

when he says that didn't happen or he doesn't remember, he's "gaslighting" you.....trying to make you question your own sense of reality and what you know you saw.....it's a manipulation technique

 
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