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Depression vs. Lazy/Flakey? How to deal

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Old 07-21-2017, 08:11 PM   #1
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Depression vs. Lazy/Flakey? How to deal

Hey all,

First, in no way am I disregarding depression, anxiety, and how differently it can affect people. I too am a depression and anxiety sufferer, I have good and bad days/time periods, am not medicated but am diagnosed with mild, and try to stay active and eat right.

I manage a performance group and we have a few gigs here and there, but mostly a large, several weekend long event at the end of summer every year. I've been doing this 4 years now, and I'm beginning to have a hard time knowing the best ways to approach/handle situations 2 specific others keep putting me in.

One member, we'll call them L is a hard worker, helps when she can, which usually is verbally offering a lot, then only coming through at the last possible second with something seemingly not a lot of effort was put into. L also is a depression sufferer, sees a therapist, and explains a lot of their last minute tenancies, and constantly late to scheduled things as a result of their depression. I have tried to offer help, I have taken on more things in order to help, I have begun to tell them things are earlier then we actually schedule them so they will be on time...I've asked them how I can help or if they are happy remaining in the group- and they express over and over that they are and they want to work harder. In 4 years I will say I have noticed a small difference, and they now offer to help with even more tasks, but Im hesitant because current ones dont get done or are put off and chaotically done last minute. Often they blame their phone not telling them they had messages from me or the group as to details of things, when our group discussions are easily navigated (I've even categorized them for ease of searches, yet still get this excuse). They even recently updated their phone, and claim to still not get notifications all the time.

I'm feeling lost as to how to help them if they are struggling or if they are just being lazy. I don't want to be disrespectful, and they are also a friend, not just a member of this performance group so I've been trying to be understanding. When they check in and engage, it's wonderful. Just wish it were more.

Another member, we'll call them A, has a serious issue with authority. They admit that, and also claim to have bad anxiety and depression, although not diagnosed. They even more then L drop the ball or are more then an hour or two (!) late to scheduled things (so again, having to tell them things are earlier then they actually are), and also unfortunately have been getting rather rude and privileged with their comments and actions. A voiced how others in the group aren't as skilled or their costumes aren't up to their par, and how frustrated they feel about it. A also tried to sneak into a restricted zone of a gig we were at awhile ago, while pretty intoxicated, and got sassy when the event hosts asked A to return to their area of the venue. Because of that type of behaviour A may have gotten our group blacklisted from the event, and frankly I'm livid. I brought it up to A later, and they apologized and felt very bad, but unfortunately this would be the second time A's actions have gotten our group in trouble.

I feel like A's situation perhaps isn't depression or anxiety as much as just disrespect and feeling owed. I could very well be wrong, but again in 4 years things only seem to be worse with A. A also can't borrow things from others because they destroy it or lose it- a sign of a lack of respect for others I'd think. I'm ready to ask for A's departure of the group- but like L, when A is checked in and there things are wonderful.

Is there any way I can keep working with both or one or the other, without feeling like I'm constantly pulling teeth? How does general employment and corporate world deal with these kinds of behaviors and people- I mean, if they both want to still be in this group (which, they both say they do), how can I try to make these issues better, or at least less stressful on me and others in the group who are putting in the effort, and showing up on time? I can't dismiss depression- it's a serious thing, but I'm also feeling pretty disrespected.

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Old 07-25-2017, 02:14 PM   #2
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Re: Depression vs. Lazy/Flakey? How to deal

hi allthesame.

L issues could be down to both depression but laziness as well, we all know depression causes the loss of interest and withdrawal from things but over time it can be laziness as well you know you can do it but have lost all motivation to fight the depression or you let the bad days beat you (I'm guilty of that can quite seem t fix it)

I don't think you can do much more for them than you already are they have to find that fighting spark.

A could just be the type of person they are. is it something you could sit down and have a chat with them and find out why they might be like it. Like I mentioned it could just be their that type of person and you have know hope.

Last edited by Administrator; 07-25-2017 at 10:55 PM.

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Old 07-25-2017, 02:27 PM   #3
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Re: Depression vs. Lazy/Flakey? How to deal

Hi! I remember you, with your crazy guys/friends. I remember you being a performance artist, and when I see your name I picture you juggling balls, or at a renessance fair or something! I think the only way to deal with these two is to not count on them for anything important. I know that's not fair to everyone else who works hard, but if you don't expect much from them you won't be disappointed. Another way would be to take a hard line approach and say hey, we have a task to complete, I need to know what you are willing to do. Hold them accountable!

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