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rw30 09-08-2017 11:08 PM

not too bad off but a lot to chew on
Some people leave "the nest" around the age of 20 but I didn't. Maybe I never found my calling or just took the easy choice of helping the family. So time moved along, I helped raise a niece, both of my parents and the oldest brother have passed on. Now i'm in my 40's, living alone in a home of 5 people ( middle aged brother moved away, bought his own house ). I have the responsibility of removing the personal items of the three family members who are no longer alive. I could have been working on it a year and a half ago but the reminders of the past are kind of sad to ponder.

Meanwhile I spend a bit of every day wondering where the time has gone, and if I spent it wisely. It doesn't feel like I have a lot of accomplishments to date, and the remaining time left in life is when health and physical ability will just get trickier. I haven't lived a life with a record as good as my father's, though he had less to work with ( a poor immigrant kid who spoke no English ). If mom was still around, she would say everything will be all right and would express thanks that I helped her, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough.

Some moments I feel confident, others not so much. I had a period a few weeks ago of poor appetite, which I could suspect as some sign of minor depression ( just a wild guess ). Eating habits are fine now.

rw30 10-02-2017 02:35 PM

Re: not too bad off but a lot to chew on
I've started to wonder why there aren't more people with troubles. If you live to just a modest age ( around 45 ) that's enough time to lose somebody, right?
That's a lot of people wandering around with tragedy they had to deal with sooner or later.

Maybe aging is something people don't figure out early on. Some people figure they'll exercise, eat well, and they'll reach 110 or 115. That happens a little of the time but not often. Even reaching 100 is a stretch. 70-80 is a pretty typical life span, right?

You get to 20 and that's the beginning of when you have a lot of control of your plans. 30 means you are still young. 40? It's treated as still youngish, though to me it's a pretty daunting line that separates youth and non-youth if you stare at it long enough.

50? Oh boy. People want to be believe they've got half their time left, but often they don't. It could be closer to a third left. You're also getting into years with more physical worries while capabilities go down. Not fun to think about.

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