Spouse has depression & anxiety

11-04-2017, 02:58 PM

My husband has had depression/anxiety for well over 10 yrs. He has seen several Dr's, therapists etc. He's on escitalopram, lorazepam, and bupropion. I don't know what to do anymore. I have sent him to so many Dr's and even went to a social worker WITH him. He's fine for a while and then takes it all out on me. We are married for 42 years. It is at the point now that I'm afraid to even talk because it will send him into an anger fit of rage. The slightest thing gives him anxiety. Driving a car, discussing a home project, even going grocery shopping. Today I asked him how he was going to install the security system he just bought. I mentioned that I didn't think any wires should show in the front of the house. I was immediately accused of controlling, sickening and I'm the reason he's got anxiety. I need to just answer "yes" or "no" otherwise just "shut up" The last time he went to his psychiatrist, I sent a note asking him if the medication is doing this to him or is it not enough? My husband, of course, came back furious. Told me the Dr laughs at me. I don't think that is true, but I'm not getting a response from the Dr, that is for sure. If I call the Dr up, he will return my call and my husband will hear it. I'm afraid of that. I'm a shell of myself. I want him better but I can't take this anymore. I know a lot of times depression in families ends up in divorce. Sometimes I wish he would just leave. Is this what happens in depression? Do they take everything out on the spouse? My health just can't take this anymore. What do you suggest about getting through to his Dr? Do I make an appointment to see him myself to discuss this? So many questions. Thank you for any response. I have no one to turn to.

11-05-2017, 08:44 AM

Lady221: I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. As someone who suffers from what can sometimes be very severe depression, and who has friends with depression, I can tell you that depression does not cause anger or abusive behavior. Neither does anxiety. Anger may be how some people deal with their depression and anxiety, but not everyone.

Is this completely new and different behavior for him or has he always had anger issues? There could be a root cause that no one has figured out yet. It could be some untreated trauma, or something neurological, etc. I know he has been to many doctors but it sounds like nothing has really helped much.

Can you ask your husband if you can go to a doctor's appointment with him? He may need to see yet a new doctor as it does not sound like the current doctor or meds is helping him. You may also want to seek out a therapist for yourself, to help you with whatever comes next. So sorry you are experiencing this. No one should live in fear. Keep trying to help at least yourself.

11-05-2017, 09:04 AM

I agree there could be something else going on. Has he has a full physical check-up and blood panel? Possibly an MRI of his head.
Does he have other health issues and is he on other meds......some can cause anxiety and depression.

I hope you have other supports for yourself.....friends and family and counselling.

q

11-05-2017, 12:03 PM

I have read so much about the drugs he is on causing anger. I wonder if it's the longtime use of the drugs.He has never had anger issues. This is new. I also wonder what he is telling his Dr when he goes for visits. He might be telling him all is well. I can ask but I may set off another anger fit.

Thank you

11-05-2017, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by quincy

I agree there could be something else going on. Has he has a full physical check-up and blood panel? Possibly an MRI of his head.
Does he have other health issues and is he on other meds......some can cause anxiety and depression.

I hope you have other supports for yourself.....friends and family and counselling.

q

Yes, with his reg. Dr. All is well. He also has diabetes and is hypothyroid.

11-05-2017, 03:59 PM

I am so sorry to hear this! it sounds like a nightmare. I hope he will realize you are trying to help him. It it were me, I think I would try to go with him, so the doctor can see how he behaves toward you. Also, he may be more open to that than to you going on your own. Sending you a hug and best wishes.

11-05-2017, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sw403

I am so sorry to hear this! it sounds like a nightmare. I hope he will realize you are trying to help him. It it were me, I think I would try to go with him, so the doctor can see how he behaves toward you. Also, he may be more open to that than to you going on your own. Sending you a hug and best wishes.

Thanks, and it never occurred to me that it could be something that needed a brain MRI. I will be contacting his Dr.

Spouse has depression & anxiety

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