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  • Am I going crazy? Don't know where to go

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    Old 12-31-2017, 08:02 PM   #1
    Join Date: Jan 2016
    Posts: 6
    SomberScarlet HB User
    Am I going crazy? Don't know where to go

    I cheated on my boyfriend back in high school, and all that happened was we kissed. I really liked the guy, and at the time my boyfriend and I were long distance. It doesn't justify it at all. The guy I cheated with was a good friend of mine and he was basically telling me all I needed and wanted to hear. He wasn't a very good man to be with, now I realize that. It's been about 5 years since then, and my boyfriend forgave me. We now have a 1 year old daughter together and I love them with all my heart. The problem is.. I believe I am being plagued by guilt and is manifesting as mental illness. I see hallucinations and feel like I can feel the other man's presence a lot almost like it's constantly reminding me that I did it. I still care about the guy as a person, because he was my friend.. about two years ago the guy actually killed himself.. and it didn't really bother me then..because I am so in love with my boyfriend and nothing is changing that. However, I had a dream the other night about the whole situation.. about me cheating.. and hurting the man I love and ever since then I feel like I don't deserve the love that my daughter and boyfriend give me. I feel like whenever I look st my boyfriend and daughter I feel like I can't love them the way I know I do because of the guilt. I have talked to my boyfriend about it because I wanted to be completely honest, and it gives me temporary relief but not permanent. I need help.. Am I going crazy? I just want my love back. I want to be able to do things again.. be able to love my man so completely again.. because I know I do.

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    Old 01-01-2018, 07:27 AM   #2
    Workingmum's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2018
    Location: London, UK
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    Workingmum HB User
    Re: Am I going crazy? Don't know where to go

    You have confessed to your boyfriend and he has forgiven you - that's what matters.
    The next step you need to do is to forgive yourself.
    To reinforce this, write on paper a list all the things you are grateful for regarding your boyfriend and daughter.
    So whenever those guilty thoughts creeps on you mind, pull that piece of paper and read it.

    Sometimes our dreams are a product of what we constantly think during the day.
    By constantly thinking how grateful you are due to an understanding boyfriend those dreams will be eliminated.
    It's only you who can bring back your love...nobody else can.

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