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Dark Angel 1988 01-30-2018 11:22 AM

I feel like a burden
 
For the past week up until last night my boyfriend and I have been arguing. The reason for the argument is because a couple of weeks ago he invited me over to spend time with him. There were two occasions that happened that same week. So one night I stayed with him (his brother lives with him) and the next day we woke up, had lunch and he asked me if I wanted to go to a movie that night. I work every Monday night and the job always works with me if I need to switch. So I called & asked if I could switch that night for another night so that I could spend that evening with my boyfriend. Ok, that was no problem.

So my boyfriend and his brothers are opening up a business. In order for it to function smoothly they require meetings and I am 100% supportive of that. So at lunch that day they told me that they were having a meeting and I said ok I'm going to go back to my apartment and take care of some things while y'all meet and I'll come back later so that we can go to a movie. So I left for a couple of hours and came back and my boyfriend says they never started the meeting. His brother who he lives with asks me, "I thought you had to work tonight?" I said no I switched my schedule around because my boyfriend wanted to go out tonight. So they're looking at him like what the hell, we didn't know anything about this. His other brother asks, "where were you guys going?" My boyfriend then says, "we aren't going anywhere now."

Can those of you who read this see how at this point I am extremely frustrated because I changed my schedule to spend time with my boyfriend and it's seeming like he is bailing on me?

So then while the brothers are all talking, I grab my things because I am upset and I leave without saying anything. It wasn't until about 20 minutes after I left that my boyfriend started calling me blowing up my phone for half an hour and I didn't want to talk to him. So that night he cussed at me talking about how we could have still went to a movie and blah blah blah. But when your boyfriend answers his brother saying "we aren't going anywhere now" that's telling me that our plans were cancelled.

A few nights later the same thing happened. Earlier that day I texted him asking if he wanted to go to dinner together. He replies back asking me if I would just rather come over to his place. He told me there would be a meeting but stated "Hopefully it won't take that long." So in my mind I'm thinking 30 minutes to an hour as not being that long. On my way there he asks me if I would pick up a redbox movie. So I did. I arrive at thier place. So as I go in I tell my boyfriend that I could just stay while they talk business. He's like no, go on up there it's ok. As soon as I walk in both of his brothers are at the kitchen table with thier laptops discussing business. I literally said hello and took my things upstairs. I figured while they were talking I would go upstairs to study. So I'm up there and it's freezing. I'm looking at my books. I'm waiting and an hour goes by....then another. I end up going to sleep. I wake up and its 2 am. Their meeting lasted 4 hours. FOUR hours. I go downstairs and nothing seems to be wrong. My boyfriend doesn't seem to be upset at me. I tell him I fell asleep and he's like oh okay. I did however tell him that if he invited me over again to make sure there isn't a meeting going on because I thought we were going to spend time together that night and we didn't.

So of course everything gets turned around on me that I'm the weird girlfriend who shows awkwardness all the time by bolting up the stairs and not showing my face for hours. He even went as far as to tell me I didn't speak to his family when I know that I did. I saw they were having a meeting and I gave them space because I felt awkward in the first place just by being there during their Meeting. His brother who he lives with had a problem with me going upstairs and talked crap about it and I've told both of his brothers why I went upstairs was to give them space and for me to study. My boyfriend literally fought with me for a week about it.

Not only about those two incidents but about God knows what his family says about me concerning my use of social media. I NEVER post anything about our relationship or any quotes or memes about what I want in a relationship...nothing like that. His brother will literally tell my boyfriend that I write posts bashing my co workers when I don't. I did not write that. Yet his brother says that I did. Of course my boyfriend believes that and tells me last night that if I want to have a relationship with him that I need to get off of social media and join message boards. Earlier yesterday he told me that if I valued the relationship that I would talk to his family like a big girl. So I showed him up and tried to meet with his family but they just wanted to text me. Everything seemed fine with them when we talked. But what happens after that they all want to show my boyfriend my pictures and stuff on social media. So he tells me last night that I get all dolled up pretending to be someone Im not.

I dress up for him all the time and my boyfriend never acknowledges it. He asked me last night, "what do you do, wash all of your makeup off before you come to see us?" In my mind when he says that I'm thinking does he think I am a troll or something? I try to fix up for him and he never tells me I'm beautiful or compliments me in any way shape or form.

I've been upset for a week. There was one day I literally laid on my couch from sunrise to sun down crying. I posted a photo to Instagram showing my depression. I literally feel like everything I do is wrong and can't do anything right in his eyes. I get fussed at more than he compliments me or praises me. He got onto me about that photo. He said I was weird.

There are many other issues as well. Two years after I met his mom he told me that I shouldn't have discussed my brother with his mom. My brother is in prison and at the time was located close to where they lived. At first I mentioned the fact that I had went to see my brother that day. She asked me where did he live? I am not a liar so I told her and of course she had Questions. I was up front. My boyfriend says I tell too much info and don't know when to stop.

Last year my ex fiancť passed away at 34 years old. I had a 6 year history with him so of course there will always be hurt there. At first my boyfriend was supportive of it but he has no idea that I struggle with it daily. I struggle with it because I saw him on his death bed. I saw his body decaying before my eyes. It was the worst sight I've ever seen in my life. My boyfriend knows I love him but he fails to realize that I have a past and I constantly struggle with it.

I made the mistake of confiding in his brother about my boyfriends feelings for me because honestly I don't know what he wants with me. It's been over two years and there has been no talk of anything of us building a future together. Usually that is the guys decision. I constantly ask my boyfriend if he loves me. I wouldn't have to ask if he would show me instead of me begging for his attention. I already have low self esteem. I feel like nobody wants to love me.

At his request last night I am now off of social media but I told him I expect him to make changes too.

Am I crazy? Am I awkward? Or is my boyfriend the problem?

rosequartz 01-30-2018 02:21 PM

Re: I feel like a burden
 
you're not crazy and your boyfriend is the problem......
make yourself scarce, go out with friends, be busy, make some plans with your time that don't include him and don't change your schedule anymore for him. See if he notices. I wouldn't go out of my way for this relationship, it doesn't sound real good.....

Mary priv 06-25-2018 06:43 AM

Re: I feel like a burden
 
I know the feeling my bf mother is dying and Iím still grieving the loss of my best friend who died 5 months ago. Yet I have recently become his punching bag and I chase him with support yet he doesnít blink to see how Iím feeling. Iím in treatment for Major depressive disorder, and he never asks how Iím doing in fact he makes me feel like a burden...

Iím so sorry you are going through this Iím sure your boyfriend has his own issues, either with immurtity like a kids that didnít get what they wanted when they wanted or just anger because you walked out on him and he felt a bonded and scared but choose to express anger rather then tears bc it is a more acceptable masculine emotion. Iím sure his under pressure but thatís not your problem. He owns 50% of the responsibility to communicate what his thinking and feeling and take responsibility .. hope that helps.. ps never trust his family love them but never trust them bc at the end of the day they will have his back and your the stranger thatís has come into their ďnest ď

Bobba 06-25-2018 08:10 AM

Re: I feel like a burden
 
Hello Rose, I hear your pain and frustration. If I were you I would look for someone else, it seems no matter what you can't please this man. He is also so involved with his brothers that he doesn't seem to put you as a priority in his life. Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life? He isn't going to change, and you can't change how he is.

I don't see anything wrong with the way you have behaved, it sounds like he has a commitment problem and you may as well accept that now, or you will spend years of your life on a "going no where" false relationship.....good luck to you.


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