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  • terribly depressed, don't know what to do anymore

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    Old 11-14-2003, 11:24 PM   #1
    jandee
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    terribly depressed, don't know what to do anymore

    i'm a college student and i've been horribly depressed for 3 years now. for a while i kept on thinking things would get better, but they've only gotten worse. i don't know what to do anymore.

    i don't know how to handle all these intense emotions... anger, sadness, depression... i used to cut myself and it helped a lot but i stopped b/c i hated the scars. i have to wear long sleeves for the rest of my life now. when i cut myself, i was hoping someone would discover it b/c i felt like no one cared. it was a cry for help and attention but in the end, no one cared.

    i want some prescription medication to treat my depression but i'm afraid that if i go to the campus's health center and tell them, my parents would find out and i don't want them to. also our healt service sucks. i doubt they would prescribe me any anti depressents. the wait to see a psychiatrist is weeks long and whenever i make an appointment, and when it comes around to going, i don't want to go anymore. i think the any way i would go is if someone would make me go or if i go at the instant that i feel like going (but i have to wait). but no one cares enough about me to make sure i go to see counseling.

    sorry this is getting long, i don't know if any of you want to read this, but i have no one else to tell and i really need to get this off my chest.

    i can't see an outside doctor b/c its too expensive, and i have no money. my credit card is maxed out and i have a negative bank account balance.

    now whenever i'm sad i just take a sleeping pill and go to sleep, which is pretty often.

    i don't even know why i'm depressed. i've had a pretty perfect life growing up. and i don't even think that i'm a bad person. i think i'm a good friend, cute, smart, funny, just a really good person. i think i've just had horrible bad luck or something and i haven't made any friends.


    basically it comes down to this. i don't know what to do, how to handle my depression. can't see a doctor, can't get prescription medication... can't seek counseling... i don't know how much longer i can handle this before i really go insane or suicide

     
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    Old 11-14-2003, 11:38 PM   #2
    smushyj37
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    You need to go see someone, PLEASE! You've been suffering with this on your own to long. How would your parents find out if you go to the campus health centre, wouldn't the same confidentiality apply as going to see a family doctor? I wish I was there so I could make you go and talk to the psychiatrist, but unfortunately am not. Try to force yourself to go, make an appointment and I'll try to push you and encourange you to go through the health boards.

    Consider talking to your parents, maybe they could be the ones to help you get the help you need. As for not knowing how you can be depressed, it could be as simple as a chemical imballance, which medication would help and which no matter how many friends you have and how wonderful your life is, you would still be depressed. I have everything I've ever wanted, a wonderful husband, a beautiful 7 month old little boy and am being treated for depression, and it's completely chemical and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it as my body's not producing whatever I need to keep me from being depressed right now....although my doctor assures me over time with treatement it should correct itself. I bet it's the same with you.

    Please get some help! I care even though I don't know you, I do care and understand how it feels to be depressed.

     
    Old 11-15-2003, 12:07 AM   #3
    ffsmith
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    I wish I was there to. It would be nice to see California.
    And I need to start over. . . I have screwed everything up here…

    I care too.
    I do not want anyone to feel as bad as I do.
    I do not want any one to be uncomfortable with their body like I am.
    I do not want anyone to be in the pain that I am in every day.
    I do not anyone to feel alone and unloved and that nobody cares about them like I do
    To feel like a failure like I do.

    You never feel bad when it is time to actually see the doctor.
    Because just doing something makes it seem like you have some control.
    You are caring for yourself so you feel good about that
    You are taking action and feel good about that
    And you are going to talk to someone and that can feel like you have to be “up” for it.

    And you could be nervous just to do something that you have never done before.

    So you have to just push yourself and go, even if you feel good that day. Or feel like not going.

    Or another way to do it is to promise your self that when you feel bad you will go and demand to be seen that day for at least 10-15 minutes.
    Maybe you could work out something with the office person along those lines??

    I think I am a lot like you in that I think that “I've just had horrible bad luck or something and i haven't made any friends”
    I have NEVER had friends.
    But while that statement you made might be true.
    It can be true and you can still have depression too.
    It can be from the bad luck and isolation
    Or it can be chemical and causing the isolation and bad luck
    Or it can be a little bit of both, in a kind of loop, that just keeps playing and never getting better.

    Try and get some help… if you do not like it or feel you no longer need it you can always stop after what ever limit you set … say 2 months or 5 visits or what ever…

    Good luck

    Last edited by ffsmith; 11-15-2003 at 01:38 PM.

     
    Old 11-15-2003, 02:25 AM   #4
    Zeppy
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    I had a previous account, but it must have expired.

    Anyways, I feel exactly like that. I was alright in jr. high and most of highschool, but I've been getting extremely depressed the last three years. Specialy now. I have no reason to, I'm in college, have plenty of friends, good social life, I'm fit and exercise on a daily basis. For some reason I've been feeling really down lately. It seems to be seasonal, I was feeling pretty good this summer as far as I can remember, and I should really be looking forward for snow to fall because I love to ski. No matter what, I just kind of feel like crawling into a hole right now, even when I'm with my friends.

     
    Old 11-15-2003, 06:33 AM   #5
    *music23*
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    ((((((jan))))))
    Please do not commit suicide. It is not worth it.
    Do you have a roommate? Or a friend that lives nearby? Even if you feel like you cannot totally confide in them, ask them to help make you go to see someone. It's probably the only way things are going to improve!
    Just wanted to say that, and that people DO care. Especially here where people understand what you're talking about.
    Kristina

     
    Old 11-16-2003, 11:13 AM   #6
    kerry123
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    Hi Jandee!

    I have been "lurking" for a while and reading some message boards around here, but I only registered today and decided that I HAD to post to you.

    If I didn't know any better, I would think that this was a post I had written myself! I am also a college student. Sometimes the demands of school alone can be a bit much. I was depressed for quite a long time, as well. I never knew what to do, and contemplated suicide a number of times. I did not want to discuss things with my parents, and I was also afraid that they would find out if I went to a psychdoc at the school health center. But you know what...I finally realized that once it got to the point (several times) that all I wanted was to die, and I not only thought about suicide, but I started planning it and thought about all the details so that my family and friends would not have to deal directly with it...it was time to get help. I know that when you are depressed, you cannot see that! Or at least I had an extremely difficult time seeing things getting better. It seemed like the only solution was to give up, and that life was not worth it. But, with the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist, and possibly meds, things can get better. I know this all sounds like crap and so far out of reach right now. This is coming from a person who was suicidal just days ago--and I realize that when I was depressed I could not see anything getting better and things were ridiculously distorted. Please hang in there!!

    I finally got the courage to go see a doc at the health center at my school. I had such a difficult time just making the appointment. And then I had to go fill out paperwork before I could even schedule the appointment. It was very hard to take that first step...it took me years to gain the strength to do that. I, too, worried about my parents finding out, and would want to cancel when the appointment came around. And also, it took weeks to get in to see someone, just like your situation! If you are in immediate danger, though, there is help available NOW! I know, it is easier said than done, but YOU are worth it, and your life is valuable! I did not have the option of going to see anyone off campus due to financial reasons, too. And yeah, my credit card is maxed out as well...ugh!!! But please, I highly encourage you to make an appointment with someone at your health center! They truly can help! It may take a while to start feeling better, but it is a start in the right direction. You deserve to feel better!!

    Ok, I am done rambling. I know this is kind of long, but if you get anything out of this message, I hope you see that you are NOT ALONE! Things can get better, and people do care about you...even though I have never met you, I can relate to everything you have said, and I DO care about you. I wish you the best in everything, and I hope you will keep us updated!

     
    Old 11-16-2003, 01:34 PM   #7
    wannabehotguy
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    I'ver been reading on borderline personality disorder and it looks like you classify for that. Read more on it and see if you really do. OK, I can really relate to you and empathize. Ignoring or pretending the problems will not help for long maybe only for a short while but it will infact just make things worse. Buy or check out a book called feeling good by Dr. Burns. That is just the start of it and do some research on borderlines and I hope you can find a good therapist.Good luck

     
    Old 11-16-2003, 01:36 PM   #8
    wannabehotguy
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    If you are in college then it is MOST likely that they offer FREE counseling. Do some research. I am pretty sure you will find out that your college has free counseling.

    Also don't get on medication it probably won't work for you.

     
    Old 11-16-2003, 02:55 PM   #9
    *music23*
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wannabehotguy
    Also don't get on medication it probably won't work for you.
    On the contrary, medication has helped a lot of people with the same or similar problems, like me and many others here....
    Kristina

     
    Old 11-16-2003, 04:23 PM   #10
    kerry123
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    Thumbs up

    Agreed, Kristina! I know I have definitely been helped by medication. I think it is important to see a professional and get an opinion, for anyone struggling with depression and related issues. Only a doc can know what would be best for an individual...and even then it may take time and work. Please, anyone who is experiencing depression, or symptoms, don't completely rule out medications! They may not be for everyone, but the truly can help some. I was skeptical prior to beginning any medication, but I am very glad that I gave it a chance. With the help of my psychiatrist, we are finding the right medication--I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder--and I feel like I am headed in the right direction. Just wanted to add some positive feedback on the benefits of medication.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by *music23*
    On the contrary, medication has helped a lot of people with the same or similar problems, like me and many others here....
    Kristina

     
    Old 11-16-2003, 04:47 PM   #11
    positron
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    in reply to wannabehotguy

    I'm going to bite my tongue here.Please "listen" wannabe,as a veteran you should know that a response like "I've been reading on borderline personality disorder and it looks like you classify as that." is WAY out of line! Just think before you post.
    Even if this was the diagnosis, do you qualify to give this diagnosis? or have you been reading the DSM-IV ? I'm not trying to start a futile arguement that will only distract from the matter,I'm only making a point.

     
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