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  • A little comfort for those who cant see an end..

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    Old 01-21-2004, 12:24 AM   #1
    Bubbly21
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    A little comfort for those who cant see an end..

    Hi, i am not new to this board but havent visited in quite a while. I first started coming on this site in Feb 2002 when my life seemed to change for the worse. I guess ii havent felt the need to come on here for a while, hope that doesnt sound selfish...i still read other posts when i can...
    Anyway... i would like tho share my story as a little help to those who are scared and cant see a way out of the depression...
    2002 started really well for me, i was happy and felt good about the future, i had good friends and knew i was liked. i stopped taking drugs, like e's and pot, i wasnt a heavy user, just social. I felt great...then 3 weeks into the year everything went very weird...i remember the day so well, i was at my boyfriends and i actually felt i had been drugged...as though nothing was real and i was in a complete daze, talking to people seemed impossible and i felt kind of anxious. That night at home i sat watching the tv, feeling deeply depressed and i didnt know why, i remember saying to my mum "i feel absolutely awful, God its really bad but i dont know why" I felt really confused and worried, as if i had no control so i layed on my bed when i started getting really really anxious and paranoid, thinking all silly things like people didnt like me and i felt really depressed...the anxiety overtook my whole body, i was shaking uncontrollably,and i had never been so scared in my whole life...i ran to the bathroom and vommitted. These horrible feelings lasted about a week and i struggled through each day scared out of my witts, nothing was real, it was as if i couldnt wake up from a night mare, but knew it was real which just sent me into a worse panic...
    Anyway....as time went by this seemed to stick with me and i eventually went to a doctor because i couldnt cope...i was only 19! She listened to me but looked at me as if i were insane..
    The next doc i saw was more helpful and put me on antideppressents..they took ages to work but i felt a little better. The next year was very up and down, deeply darkly depressed and bitterly anxious, angry and frustrated and extremely socialy scared...i honestly thought i was goign to end up in an institution. i researched schizophrenia and bipolar till i was utterly convinced i had both.

    I could carry on forever but i dont want to bore you.... i am just writing to say that now, 2 years later i am doing a whole lot better. I still get down and my self esteem isnt tha great, i still get nervous talking to people but i am 100 percent better than i was. I have attended an anxiety management course, seen a phyciatrist, had hypnotherapy, seen a counsellor, the lot...i have had different treatments and am currently on Effexor which seems top be helping alot... i dont get those dark horrid depressed evil moods anymore and am a lot more placid... i really dont know what started my breakdown but i was in a relationship at the time that made me very insecure and hurt my confidence, so i am pretty sure it didnt help... also probably the ecstasy and pot didnt help.

    I just want to say to those who are experiencing depression and/or anxiety, that there is hope and it WILL get better. I found it very hard talkign to people about it, but you will be suprised how caring people can be, you have to remember you get one chance at life and you are as good as everyone else and deserve the love from others and yourself. If you look after yourself the best you can it is a start to recovery. Read some good books, Claire Weekes is a great Author of dealing with anxiety and depression.
    I never knew that a human being could feel such terror inside, when everything around them seems to be fine,so i know how some of you feel...

    I am gonna be around for a while if anyone wants to chat...

    I relly hope you all gain some kind of hope from this, cos i am doing so much better now and am looking forward to travelling and seeing the world this year with a smile on my face.

    Bubbly x

     
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    Old 01-21-2004, 04:08 AM   #2
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    Re: A little comfort for those who cant see an end..

    I haven't been on this board long enough to have met you, but I'm glad that things are going better for you!

     
    Old 01-22-2004, 05:36 AM   #3
    Bubbly21
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    Re: A little comfort for those who cant see an end..

    Thanks Index, hope you are doing ok too

    Bubbly

     
    Old 01-22-2004, 07:34 PM   #4
    Lucyfer
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    Re: A little comfort for those who cant see an end..

    luv u bubbly, stay kool... )

     
    Old 01-22-2004, 07:46 PM   #5
    Mission_Void
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    Re: A little comfort for those who cant see an end..

    Bubbly, I was here when you were Bubbly19. I had a great time here for a while back then in 2002. However later that year I did a no-no and was banned. I recently came back again. But I do remember you well. But you sounded great even back then. But I'm glad you have a more successful story to add now. I am still struggling, but seeing a psychologist. Just getting started there though. Hope to see you back again. Good luck. MV

    Last edited by Mission_Void; 01-22-2004 at 07:50 PM.

     
    Old 01-22-2004, 09:45 PM   #6
    stolie
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    Re: A little comfort for those who cant see an end..

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Mission_Void
    Bubbly, I was here when you were Bubbly19. I had a great time here for a while back then in 2002. However later that year I did a no-no and was banned. I recently came back again. But I do remember you well. But you sounded great even back then. But I'm glad you have a more successful story to add now. I am still struggling, but seeing a psychologist. Just getting started there though. Hope to see you back again. Good luck. MV
    Missionvoid, what letter did your username begin with in 2002. I was here as well. Was it "K" by any chance?

     
    Old 01-22-2004, 11:59 PM   #7
    Bubbly21
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    Re: A little comfort for those who cant see an end..

    Thanks guys....i am around if you need to chat x

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 12:06 AM   #8
    John KD C
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    Re: A little comfort for those who cant see an end..

    Hey bubbly, thanks for the story, ... hmm well I blame my last relationship for causing me problems and she blames me for emotional abuse and that really hurt to think that I could be abusive when I didn't mean to be I loved her to death and never wanted to hurt her, but boy did I become depressed for some reason and she really didn't buy it at all. Blame is like a hot potatoe no one wants it, and you keep tossing it back and forth.
    I was doing the best I could at the time but broke down at some stage not sure now if it was before or after we broke up think it was both the whole period is a huge black patch for me.
    I had a psychiatrist diagnose me with bipolar for awhile and was taking lithium risperdal and a bit of zoloft and some lamictal and I was OVERLY sedated.
    I've made heaps of progress since I've come off all those drugs and am focusing on the depression (not some mania which I don't think I really had).
    I've mucked around with pot quite a lot and e's. The pot did the worse things to me espicially when I was addicted to it around the time I broke up with my ex. It's a big part of what made me so overly emotional and even go through some psychosis. It's a nasty drug I don't care what anyone says.
    E's I still take maybe every few months but the time between them has become greater and greater.
    I'm glad you are doing well it was nice to hear I'd give you my but I might get banned? well it's calvert_!#@[email protected]!#@mail.c$#%om without all the !#@$. Like to hear more from you.

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 07:19 AM   #9
    Mission_Void
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    Post Re: A little comfort for those who cant see an end..

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by stolie
    Missionvoid, what letter did your username begin with in 2002. I was here as well. Was it "K" by any chance?
    stolie, isn't that amazing. I miss some of the people from back then, but things change as some people do. And maybe some left on their own or were banned or just changed their username and are back among us somewhere now. I'm not sure how you arrived at "K" but I guess it's safe to say this? Back then I was a mammal in the ocean. And I'm not sure if it was 2002 or even farther back to 2001? My memory is not the best. So go back 2-3 years. If you want, try going back and doing a search and you might find me. By the way I wonder how you connected me, Mission_Void with someone of the past? Of course when I posted to the person who started this thread, that was sort of a dead giveaway, right? Hope that's ok with them.

    I did something very interesting here before. I did a "search" of my old username and maybe some other people. Sort of like history or a diary. I re-read some of my old posts and it was like I was a different person. Good at first, yes. I think I became bored and something sort of tee'd me off and so I posted something. It's like my mind was somewhere else. Something flipped my switch. I was terrible. Believe the Mod at the time caught it very shortly after I had posted it and removed it in a flash. Because just minutes later I went back and it was already deleted. And I hope not too many people read it, but I don't know. But also that was 2-3 years ago. I would never act like that again. I am in control. I won't elaborate.

    So I actually went somewhere else for about a year or so, but now I like it here better. Like the recently done face-lift here too. New is good. Part of me is curious about who you used to be, but needless to say you don't have to tell that for various reasons. It's up to you. However, I do remember either replying or receiving a post to / by you a while back. How are things going now? Is it a struggle every now and then? Me? Yes. Just started seeing a psychologist for the "nth" time. Lord knows I need a change of life. I just have to get busy. Hm. Take care stolie. See you around I guess. MV

     
    Old 01-24-2004, 11:01 AM   #10
    beebsqtip
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    Re: A little comfort for those who cant see an end..

    I am just glad to here somebody that has a lighter side of things. I am glad things are doing good for you. Keep up with the improvement!

     
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