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I dont know what to do.

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Old 03-24-2004, 04:25 PM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2003
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NightStrike HB User
I dont know what to do.

Ill stat off with, that im 17, and gay. But thats not the problem. The problem is that I've had a crush on one of my straight friends for the last 2 years. He knows that im gay and is cool with it, but every passing day my feelings grow deeper and deeper for him and just drives me so crazy that I can't think straight, I get real moody, and depressed about it.
Last month he left to go visit family, and in that month, I started feeling better, my mood swings left, and I did not feel depressed anymore. Sure I still thought about him and missed him as a friend, but the feelings were not as strong. Now hes back, and all those feelings came flooding back to me like a title wave. I became depressed again, my friends notice the mood swings and started to back away from me. Im thinking about not being friends with him anymore. Because its obvious with him around me, I cant really be happy.
So I dont know if I should just continue being "the good friend" and let him be happy, wile I stay miserable... or let him go, and have him hate me and be miserable over losing a friend, wile I start to feel better again. So if there is anyone out there that can give me some advice on what I should do... please tell me, because I just dont know what to do.

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Old 03-24-2004, 06:27 PM   #2
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mattj949 HB User
Re: I dont know what to do.

First loves are very difficult to overcome. I am gay myself and had crushes on my straight friends when I was a teenager. One of them left me in a real world of hurt... I still get upset today when I think about it and I am 36 now. It was made worse because I had sex with him (he was very drunk).

In your situation, probably the best thing to do is walk away from him, untwine yourself. I'm sure it would be hard for you, but it sounds like it would be for the best.

You are obviously entwined with this person emotionally, even if it's one-sided. If he is truly straight, and there is no chance whatsoever that he will return your feelings, then like I said, it's best to take time off from him until you feel you can be friends with him without having these feelings. Consider this: even if he was gay, he may still not be interested in you in the way you want him to be.

Torturing yourself over it is not going to do you any good. Some things in life you just cannot change no matter how hard you try, and you have to learn to accept that. Once you can do that, you will be alot happier person... even as hard as it sounds. I'm still learning how to do that now myself.

If it makes any difference, there are alot of guys out there. You can find one that will return your feelings, and you will. You have plenty of time.

Old 03-31-2004, 01:24 PM   #3
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Posts: 271
Genabeena HB User
Re: I dont know what to do.

I have to say I basically agree with Matt. I was talking to some other friends here about a similar thing I was going through. Here's an excerpt from it.

I havenít told ANYBODY this, but thereís a guy Iím attracted to. The sad thing is, I know heíll never be attracted to me, no matter how physically fit I become, and no matter how charming, witty, or intelligent a personality I present. I could probably have laser surgery to correct my dreadful mug, develop six pack abs, and achieve a successful career and he still wouldnít be interested.

But I can look at it objectively. I see him as a match for me. He doesnít see me as a match for him. Over. Done. Next, please? And it may be a long time before I find someone who will be sizing me up just as Iím sizing him up. But until then, I will remain in this proverbial stance: ďNext, please?Ē Maybe the next relationship Iím in will progress to stage two before it breaks down. Maybe stage four, or five or so on. Iíll just keep truckiní.

It might seem like kind of a cold way to view things, but it helps me cope to think of it this way. You can read the whole post if you want, but it's very long. In it I expound my whole belief system about romantic relationships, including excerpts from a favorite book. If you're actually interested, it's in the thread titled, "My Heart Has Taken a Fatal Blow." The posts to which I refer are like the last three or four posts in that thread. (I had to break it up.)

The big difference for you is, that it seems this guy is a good friend of yours, and it's kind of a shame to let the whole friendship go over this. You may have to let events play out naturally, because I think it would be really hard to just say, "well, we can't be friends anymore,"- hard for you tosay and stick to, but also hard for him to understand and accept. If you do decide to do that (or maybe you already have, I don't know), I would suggest being really honest and open with him about your reasons for backing off of the friendship. I know it's hard to do, but you say he's at ease with your sexual orientation, so I think he should appreciate your honesty.

Other than that, I feel the urge to say that maybe you could get used to being just freinds, but I don't think there are any hard and fast rules about that. It just depends on the dynamics.

Anyway, take care, and good luck!

Last edited by Genabeena; 03-31-2004 at 01:27 PM.

Old 03-31-2004, 03:41 PM   #4
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 167
Foxbluff HB User
Re: I dont know what to do.

I agee w/Matt & GenaBeaner. I think honesty is called for here, for your sake & your friend's sake. I think that not hanging out w/him, will make you more likely to hook up in a romantic relationship w/somebody else. Once you're interested in somebody else, you might even be able to hang out w/your old friend again without feeling the current attraction. That would be great, huh? Good luck. Fox

Old 04-06-2004, 04:22 PM   #5
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Genabeena HB User
Re: I dont know what to do.

Originally Posted by Foxbluff
I think that not hanging out w/him, will make you more likely to hook up in a romantic relationship w/somebody else. Once you're interested in somebody else, you might even be able to hang out w/your old friend again without feeling the current attraction. That would be great, huh?
Yeah, good point.

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