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equivocated 06-08-2004 07:44 PM

i have NO idea where to get any help/information
I'm on a waiting list for therapy in my city, but it could take months for me to get in. I don't think I can wait that long, and i don't know where else to turn:

I'll give a brief synopsis of the last few years:

(I'm 20)

- i became moody and depressed at a younger age, (14ish) and often drank and took pills... only ONE time (i was around 15?) of which i took enough to really hurt me
- my parents' seperated when i was 16, because my dad was cheating on my mom with a 19 year old. (i've NEVER grieved or dealt with it...)
- my mom has had depression and anxiety disorders all her life. she's recovered from anorexia.
- i am EXTREMELY needy, and constantly need the attention of people, or else i panic and become severly depressed
- when i was 17/18 i was obsessed with having a baby - and i THINK i had a miscarriage just as i was turning 19 (this is not confirmed by a doctor, though)
- i have poor concentration, eating habits, motivation, and sleep cycles
- i had a great relationship that got me moved out of my hometown when i was 19, but that only numbed my pain briefly, and that started deteriorating after 5-6 months, and just ended last month... so i'm in a city with few, (but great) friends
- i began drinking extensively and using a lot of drugs about a year ago
- my drinking has gotten a LOT worse, i think i've been drunk EVERY SINGLE DAY for the last 2-3 months - there was a point that i was using meth amphetamine 4-5 times a week... (but that has calmed down a LOT as of late)
- i've had some severe crying fits to the point of being VERY physically ill lately
- i have a very poor memory, and i'm not sure if some things are real or not
- i had a casual sex partner a couple of nights ago
- this is my first night that i decided to not drink/do drugs and i feel like i've hit ROCK BOTTOM

i don't know what to do?

GOLDBERG 06-08-2004 11:07 PM

Re: i have NO idea where to get any help/information
You have been through alot & have alot of issues which need adressing. you have realised that your life is slipping outta control & have seeked help which is so important- WELL DONE. it must be so tough beeing put on that waiting list for help you need today, its so frustrating.ive experienced that dreaded wait myself & its horrible. you might be able to get help from alcoholics anonomus im sure they must have them in usa, they do here in england. it must be tough in a new city but atleast you have a few great friends.have you told them about your problems, im sure they would wanna help you even if its just talking things through & opening up, it might help. a theropist will im sure be able to help you deal with things so Hang in there. these boards are also helpful as some people will be in similar positions as yourself. you should be very proud of yourself for trying to stay sober .did you manage it? your very brave confronting your drink & drug problem. you are so young & in pain but in time i hope you can be helped & feel much better about things. good luck, take care. Goldberg

equivocated 06-09-2004 11:27 AM

Re: i have NO idea where to get any help/information
thank you for your reply...

i guess there's nothing i can do but wait, and try my best to hang in there...

i have a date with one of my good friends who has ADD/depression and he said he would love to talk... (i just mentioned to him that there were some things going on)

He knows about my drug/alcohol problem, since he's just calming down himself.

Thank you SO much for your help...

(p.s. i'm from canada :) )

carlita 06-09-2004 07:59 PM

Re: i have NO idea where to get any help/information
i know i can relate to being sooo sooo low. it seems to all pile up at once, and pills and drinks seem to help temporarily but it wont last.... talk to friends, talk to people, tal;k to us. it takes away from the painful lonliness.
youre in my thoughts!

GOLDBERG 06-09-2004 09:19 PM

Re: i have NO idea where to get any help/information
Its so good to hear from you.i agree with carly.its good to talk & we are here to listen & help if we can. its good that your friend is willing to be there for you,opening up will hopefully make you feel better, its horrible feeling your alone with your problems. if you relapse with drink & drugs just hang in there & keep trying,its soo tough but you can do it, you deserve a better life for yourself. only you can acheive this but with the help of friends you can succeed. how about trying to get the appointment put forward,by seeing your doctor & telling them you need help now, your desperate.explain how rough a time you are having, how much you want has worked for me in the past, maybe it might speed things up by a week or two? hitting rock bottom is horrible. lots of us have done this on here, its so painful, but you are taking steps in life to climb back up that ladder of life,you may slip, fall but aslong as you can pick yourself up& keep trying you will do it. please dont give up. YOU DESERVE BETTER FOR YOURSELF. It may help but hurt to talk about your fathers afair with that girl who is really your age,it must have been such a shock & ruined your family sounds if it still is after all this do you get on with your mum & dad & do you have any brothers or sisters? i can relate to needing soo much attention. when you cry just try & remember you are not alone, we care.people on here are reading whats going on with you & maybe they are just to ill to reply.we all have got huge problems but we do care about each other, there is alot of love on this board. take care. nigel.

bosanova 06-10-2004 03:45 PM

Re: i have NO idea where to get any help/information
Hi Equiv - I am sorry that you are going through a rough time. It sure sounds like you have had a lot on your plate. When you say, though, that "there's nothing I can do but wait", I want to strongly suggest that you go to AA. While I myself have never gone, i know many people who's lives were saved by the program. The thing is that if you are truly addicted to pills or alcohol, you cannot quit alone. You need a support system to help you, and that's what AA is for. I think if you were to take this proactive step to try and make yourself healthy, you will begin to feel more in control of your life.

I hope this helps :)

equivocated 06-11-2004 10:54 AM

Re: i have NO idea where to get any help/information
thanks so much for the helpful replies:

i had a date with my friend last night, and we went out and talked for a few hours...

he's really understanding, and tried to help as much as he could, but he also seemed like he wasn't doing particularly well himself.

he suggested that instead of being on this "possibly up to 8 month-wait" waiting list, that I get an appointment with my doctor, and get referred to someone right away. (apparently it's all covered by medicare if i REALLY need it..., which i feel i do)

even the last few days, i've been starting to feel better?

but the worst part is, is that i always get these extreme HIGHS as well?? a couple of nights ago i was jumping off of the wall, i was so happy... and i couldn't figure out why...

it's like my short-term memory is COMPLETELY destroyed - because when i FIRST wrote this post, i failed to mention that i also go to the complete opposite end, where i'm SO happy & hyper and can't control it??

it's almost as if - when I'm feeling happy, i don't believe myself anymore, because I can't tell when it's genuine.

thanks so much for all the kind words.

equivocated 06-11-2004 02:19 PM

Re: i have NO idea where to get any help/information

one more thing, sorry:

I'm not addicted to pills... that's just something i did a bit when i was younger. It was meth that I got into but I haven't touched it at all in 3 weeks.

Thanks :)

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