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  • Trouble letting go of the past..

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    Old 09-28-2004, 09:13 PM   #1
    joebloggs2
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    Trouble letting go of the past..

    I've made a lot of mistakes in the past, I know that if I just did one thing differently I would not have been suffering from major depression for the past few years. I had so many opportunities and could of's/should of's.. I blew them all. I am not out of HS, I finished with horrible grades even though I could of done 10x better. I always knew the answers to questions but I just never raised my hand or said a word.

    My problem is I am always thinking about the past and how horrible it was and that I wasted too much time already, I didn't do anything my whole teenage years (almost 20 now) and it makes me really depressed, I can't get out of bed most of the time, I just cry and try to fall asleep. I have no motivation to do anything.. what should I do?

    I can't stop blaming myself for small things... it would of changed my life completely. I have no friends now, no social life at all, no interests, I am very bad at talking to people, I can't seem to get my mouth and mind to agree on what to say, people see me as a jerk or someone who doesn't care even though inside I am very very sensitive and nice.. I can't seem to show it.

    Last edited by joebloggs2; 09-28-2004 at 09:16 PM.

     
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    Old 09-29-2004, 01:22 AM   #2
    Donna 2854
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    Re: Trouble letting go of the past..

    Joe - you must not continue to beat yourself up for things you can't change - ie the past.

    I'd suggest finding a good therapist to help you with this. I think its possible you can go forward but its something you'll need to do for yourself. You need to dig deep down and find out what it is you would be happy with. Then make small goals and take teeny steps to get there. But you need to take the first step.
    Perhaps there is some reading on this board you can use to help you with that first step. There have been several things written that have already helped me. Good luck Joe....

    Last edited by Donna 2854; 09-29-2004 at 01:26 AM.

     
    Old 09-29-2004, 02:41 PM   #3
    eyelinerfairy
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    Re: Trouble letting go of the past..

    ugh, i so know how you feel. im sorry that i cant offer you any advice, im in the exact same boat right now and am not feeling like any advice i gave would be constructive at all. i hope you get through it ok though, take care
    lis

     
    Old 09-30-2004, 06:43 AM   #4
    alltaurus
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    Re: Trouble letting go of the past..

    Joe, I used to have the same problem. Because of problems in my home, By the end of HS I didn't have a single friend. I started out with plenty, then...one by one they all disappeared. I was a real jerk, I graduated with a D average, I smoked I partied (none of the people I hung around were real friends) I used to have to go home at lunch time because I had no one to sit with, I would hide during school pep rally's etc. The thing is I wanted friends, but I became such an idiot no one really liked me.

    Just remember it's never to late..I started a very slow change after HS, I moved into a cheap apartment, went to community college (never graduated, but I learned alot), landed a better job, slowly improved my life by concentrating on me. I was lonely but I finally started to meet people, at work through neighbors etc. Now at 36, yes sometimes I wish I could go back and get a "do over" but, I have a good life, I have a great home, a wonderful boyfriend, a samll circle of friends, a little larger circle of acquaintances and I'm happy most of the time and still keep trying to work towards the life I want.

    NEVER give up...and stop thinking about changing the past...think towards the future

    Last edited by alltaurus; 09-30-2004 at 06:46 AM.

     
    Old 09-30-2004, 11:25 PM   #5
    analog2000
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    Re: Trouble letting go of the past..

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by joebloggs2
    My problem is I am always thinking about the past and how horrible it was and that I wasted too much time already, I didn't do anything my whole teenage years (almost 20 now) and it makes me really depressed,
    Your post really resonated with me, because I used to feel that way a lot. I feel like depression has taken so much from me. But I can always make more money, or go back to school, or even make new friends. What I can't get back is time. I lost a lot of time to depression, and it really saddens me because no matter what I can't get those years back.

    But what everyone always points out is that it does no good to dwell on the past, you can't change it. The important thing is to focus on the future and use the bad feelings to assure that you don't lose more time, that it doesn't happen again.

    Yeah, you've wasted a lot of time that can't be returned to you, but you're only 20. Considering the average American lives to be 79, you have a lot of time left. The only time that it is too late to change things is when you're dead. You feel like you've wasted a lot of time? The only solution is to not waste anymore.

    Good luck.

     
    Old 10-01-2004, 08:34 AM   #6
    ThisStinks
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    Re: Trouble letting go of the past..

    I'm female and 20 years old. I had the same problem as you not being able to let go of the past. Up until last year I thought there was no hope for me. I went from straight A student to barely graduating high school. Luckily due to my SAT scores I got into a really good university, but then my partying and laziness got in the way and I dropped out of college and just stayed at home all day and slept. I'm back in school now. I want a good job and I finally realized that staying at home all day wouldn't help me in getting that good job and better life.

    What I'm trying to say is get off your butt and think about what's happening now and what you want to happen later in your life. There's still a lot of time! Goto community college and finish up school and then transfer to a university of your choice. Forget other people and what they think of you. Most people stink anyway! I'm here for you if you need to talk. I bet we have a lot in common!

    -This Stinks

     
    Old 10-02-2004, 02:34 AM   #7
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    Smile Re: Trouble letting go of the past..

    Dear Joe,

    I got good grades, but what good did it do me? I did not have any motivation, either. I was bogged down by the way I was raised, and had no coping skills. I used to be certain that everyone was dwelling on my failures, but really if they thought of failures, they were dwelling on their own!

    There is a reason you are so down on yourself, and I bet it has more to do with some ways you were treated as a child. Parents make mistakes and other kids can be cruel, not even knowing what harm they may be doing. Or the harm can be done on purpose. But either way, as adults, we can choose to let go of that and hold on to the truth.

    The truth is, there is no one else on earth just like you, and no one else can do what you are here to do and be. You deserve your space on earth as much as any one else. It is human and perfectly normal to make mistakes. It is normal to grieve your losses, but limit how much time you will spend dwelling on them.

    Looking back is always clearer vision. We all have regrets. We are all in the same boat, wasting time and wishing we had done things another way.
    We have the capacity to learn from our mistakes, though. Most rich people have lost their fortunes several times. The sign of success is not lack of failure. Success is based on whether we get up and keep on trying.

    Use your past failures as a reminder that you are just the same as the rest of us, prone to mistakes. Sorry, you just can't become perfect and better than anyone else!

     
    Old 10-03-2004, 04:21 AM   #8
    Bryce2k4
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    Re: Trouble letting go of the past..

    I relate 100% to what you are saying. But, it honestly doesn't matter whether you had a good grade average or a bad one, the same thing trips up people who suffer from depression, anxiety, and panic. I was in the national honor society all four years of high school, was the only center for a basketball team which finished second in state my junior year [ small town of 2,000 population], but I came down with panic attacks the summer after I graduated from high school. What I see as the problem is my lack of self esteem and self confidence, not my intelligence or ability.

    I had some great semesters in college, making the dean's honor roll several times, but I allowed myself to get involved with religion to the point it messed my mind up badly and my grades plummeted after that. It took me 5.5 years to finish college with an average GPA, not a good one. I was very disappointed in myself with that. The biggest failures have come in my adult life, my work life. Doesn't seem like anything has worked out very well. Life has been a struggle for me. I've failed my son and my wife by not working over the last 7 years. Forgetting the past, letting go of guilt, not beating myself up is very hard to do. I feel I deserve to feel bad for all my failures.

    But staying in a hole of depression isn't going to make things better, it will only make things worse. What can we do about the past? Can we change it? No. The past is the past. I can't change any of it. The only thing I can change is the present, today, and tomorrow. We have to learn to love ourselves unconditionally, forgive ourselves for real and perceived failures, and forgive others for anything done to us. We have to let go of guilt, stop living in the past and start living in the present. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. By starting out with small goals and building on that we can overcome the past, one negative, condemning thought at a time.

    You are very young and really have your whole life ahead of you. Your potential is limited only by what you think and believe and that can be changed. There is much hope for you, honestly there is.

     
    Old 10-03-2004, 06:12 AM   #9
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    Re: Trouble letting go of the past..

    I hope this helps you, as it has helped me

    Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
    Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
    It's then I have to remember
    That it's in the valleys I grow.

    If I always stayed on the mountain top
    And never experienced pain,
    I would never appreciate God's love
    And would be living in vain.

    I have so much to learn
    And my growth is very slow,
    Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
    But it's in the valleys I grow.

    I do not always understand
    Why things happen as they do,
    But I am very sure of one thing.
    My Lord will see me through.

    My little valleys are nothing
    When I picture Christ on the cross
    He went through the valley of death;
    His victory was Satan's loss.

    Forgive me Lord, for complaining
    When I'm feeling so very low.
    Just give me a gentle reminder
    That it's in the valleys I grow.

    Continue to strengthen me, Lord
    And use my life each day
    To share your love with others
    And help them find their way.

    Thank you for valleys, Lord
    For this one thing I know
    The mountain tops are glorious
    But it's in the valleys I grow!

    Have a blessed day!

    REMEMBER...
    The shortest distance between a problem and a solution
    is the distance between your knees and the floor.
    The one who kneels to the Lord,
    can stand up to anything.

     
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