What NOT to say to a depressed person

11-10-2004, 08:09 PM

(updated yet again)

1. Depression? That's it??
2. Snap out of it!
3. You're just self-centered. Think about somebody else besides yourself.
4. You're just spoiled.
5. You just have a negative outlook on life. Smile, and look on the bright side.
6. That's not a real illness. It's just a mood.
7. Get out more, meet people. Then you'll feel better.
8. Exercise more, then you'll feel better.
9. What are you gonna do, pop pills for the rest of your life? That's sick.
10. Nobody's going to like you if you have that attitude.
11. I don't understand why you're so down. A lot of people have problems worse than yours, and they're managing OK.
12. Give up your drinking/smoking/drugs/overeating/bad habits and you'll feel better. You're doing this to yourself, and it's all your fault.
13. You're a loser, you're uncool. I can't relate.
14. You're living in the past. Forget him/her/it and get on with it.
15. Labels. "You are ____" (a loser, a wimp, lazy, a whiner, self-pitying, selfish, stupid, immature, spoiled......etc.)
16. You EMBARRASS me.
17. You're ruining MY life.
18. You can change - all you need to do is listen to Tom Cruise!!

19. I think you enjoy being depressed. You can't be happy unless you're miserable.

(Why not say these things?? For those of you who don't have clinical depression, it is a DISEASE. Its symptoms are manifested in many ways; mood swings are just part of it. Substance abuse is often a symptom of it. This disease often needs medical treatment, therapy, and a strict diet, to name a few, and many people need to try several approaches before they find one that works. Harsh judgment just makes people feel worse without helping a thing. Oh yeah, and I've been on both ends of this conversation. It's as hard to listen to depressed people as it is to be depressed. What I'm telling you is what does NOT WORK.)

Any other suggestions, anyone? I'm sure you have LOTS.....

11-10-2004, 09:37 PM

Yes, I so agree with all the above. I've always had people say to me they had such and such bad things happen to them but they didn't let it get to them. Most people do see it as a weakness of character.

Some of the worst things to say have been told to me by so-called health professionals. A psychologist I saw recently told me that "the mind is like a stereo, we decide what type of music to play" which is a really useful thing to say to someone who hasn't been able to play happy music for years. Or "we control the mind", when I'd been having uncontrollable daily crying fits that could last for hours. Or, in a scolding tone "so, you are letting it control you", when I told her of how the depression and anxiety was affecting me. She had also told me that I had not been able to control the depression and anxiety in the past because "the will has not been strong enough". She also told me I had "put myself in a victim capsule" and such people try things for a little while and then stop because they're afraid of breaking out of the capsule. And that whether people are still affected by past abuse depends on "how much energy we give to it".

I think many people think the best way to get you to change is to give you a hard enough time about the way you are but they don't realise that most depressed people already beat themselves up about the way they are and not being able to change.

11-11-2004, 06:42 AM

I have heard 9 out of the 11. I have always been into exercise because I know it helps me. I have tried antidepressants and they either don't work or I have side effects I can't live with. I have heard those comments from my family to my best friend. It's irritating. I know they mean well. I just tell myself they have no idea how it feels to be truly depressed and they have no idea how I feel inside. They just can't comprehend the disease of depression.

11-11-2004, 08:42 AM

Great post! I might print it out for my family!

11-11-2004, 11:54 AM

i was told by a psychiatric physician to "not cry over spilled milk"-when i was telling him an event in my life where i saw and was involved in alot of poeple being killed. i was so stunned i didnt know what to do. i felt as though he spit on everyone of those peoples graves. even the docs dont know what it feels like. and i DOOOOO hate the pep talk. i was also told once to just eat my greens, you know ,vegetables and such. well i have been and im still here on disability

11-11-2004, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by survivin

i was told by a psychiatric physician to "not cry over spilled milk"-when i was telling him an event in my life where i saw and was involved in alot of poeple being killed. i was so stunned i didnt know what to do. i felt as though he spit on everyone of those peoples graves. even the docs dont know what it feels like. and i DOOOOO hate the pep talk. i was also told once to just eat my greens, you know ,vegetables and such. well i have been and im still here on disability

that is terrible for a physician to say something like that, i thought they are meant to be supportive. Hope you find a better one soon cos mine is brilliant

11-12-2004, 11:52 AM

"7. Get out more, meet people. Then you'll feel better."

That is definately the worst. As though a quick walk with some fresh air thrown in will change your entire mind/life/situation/illness.

11-12-2004, 02:15 PM

yeah i havent been back to that DR. but they definately could use a refresher course in bed side manner sometimes.

11-12-2004, 06:31 PM

"You need to get out in the fresh air more. Try taking a walk"
"Its all in your head"
"If you got enough sleep you would'nt be depressed"
"Its all those drugs you did back in the 70's thats coming back to haunt you"

11-12-2004, 07:37 PM

"Maybe you should try not to think about yourself all the time."

"You have no reason to be depressed."

"You don't know what real depression is."

11-12-2004, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CtRich

"You need to get out in the fresh air more. Try taking a walk"
"Its all in your head"
"If you got enough sleep you would'nt be depressed"
"Its all those drugs you did back in the 70's thats coming back to haunt you"

Har. Do people know that some of us depressives can easily SLEEP ALL DAY?

11-12-2004, 07:53 PM

Some of these doctor stories are horrifying. The best psychiatrists are the ones who have experienced mental illness themselves and dealt with it successfully. Some of the other ones, however....!!!! They can do more harm than good.
Hello?? Doctors out there? This is a life-threatening illness. Treat it as such, please.

11-15-2004, 08:48 PM

i think ther should be at least one post here on what not to say to a normal person when your depressed.
1. do you by chance have a gun and two bullets
2. here ,,i will pack your parachute.
3. the semi has 15 gears right?
4. if you went missing, how long would it be before someone started asking questions
5 i think you should take more crack. you will be better off then
6. oh, i guess i didnt make myself clear,(with one finger in the air)
7 can you move a little to your right. i cant seem to figure out how to get this 50 cal. machinegun to rotate
8. no, you just have to think about the open skull fracture on your forehead in a different way. you will be alot happier if you do that
9. do you think you could talk about nuclear science. i think you would sound smarter if you did that
10. heres that drink you wanted,,,no the funny taste is just the water.