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Genabeena 12-01-2004 04:04 PM

What does this dream mean?
Just buzzing in here to ask if anyone has any news. It's been a while and I couldn't find any new posts, so I thought I'd just open up a thread to see if anyone has anything to share.

As for was a crazy, wild, exhausting day, but I survived it. (Tell ya more later if you want.) And I'm plugging along o.k. Going to start back up with my therapist at the request of x-hubby and Friend of Court Rep.

Nothing really major to report. I went to Texas last week to visit relatives. Oh yeah, and I had a REALLY bad dream this morning. I was standing on the sidewalk with a bunch of other people, and a woman was debating whether or not to cross the street. It didn't look like a good idea to me. All the other people were telling her, "go ahead," "go ahead!" I saw and SUV coming and wanted to say, "no don't go!" but I wasn't quick enough and she ran out in the street and ...... "POW." Bits of bone, blood and cartilege everywhere. I went into my house because I couldn't take the scene, and discovered there were bits of the stuff in there too. I was completely spooked.

Any ideas what that could have been about? It seemed like a pretty poignant dream.

Well, hope everyone is safe and well.


RainSerpent 12-01-2004 08:14 PM

What does this dream mean?
Are you sure you are not watching too much violent tv? :mad: Be sure to stay away from that stuff if you are having dreams about blood and guts.

Anyway, I am new here and just wanted to say hi. Take care. :wave:

MermaidMer 12-02-2004 12:16 AM

Re: What does this dream mean?
hi gena! so good to hear from you my dear!

your dream is so eerie because i'm in a class with a girl who just got hit by a car. granted, she didn't splatter into bits, she just injured her leg badly, but it's really similar.
anyway, i haven't heard from man apart or the rest of our group...i haven't heard updates from anyone and nor have i updated anyone about myself. now that you are here, i will.

i was recently put on lexapro 10mg and later upped to 15mg. i was wondering if you or anyone else has been on lexapro and what your opinion of it is? did you have any side effects and, if so, which ones and how bad were they?

i hope everyone is doing well, i'd love to hear from everyone. much love.

Genabeena 12-05-2004 07:02 PM

Re: What does this dream mean?
Hi Mer! I'm really sorry to hear about the unfortunate accident. (How awful!)

Glad to hear you're still plugging along, though. I can't say I have had much experience with Lexapro, but I do wish you the best of luck with it. I guess that with just about any med. you want to give it enough time to get a realistic idea of how well you've adjusted to it, and whether or not it will be effective for you. Of course you always have to be prepared for the possibility of side effects or that it might not be quite right for you. But I hope it is right for you. I mean I hope it works out and gives you the desired results.

It's really nice to meet you, RainSerpent. I think we can rule out t.v., though. Even if I had cable or satellite service, I have very little time for that sort of thing. I'm a preschool teacher and a single mother of two, so I work long hours, as far of the time I spend with kids. And then after hours, my time goes to curriculum planning and preparations, and taking care of my own children. I do see a lot of over-sensationalized news programming, though. But I just can't quite accept that my subconscious would make such an emphatic statement if it was just all about too much news. I mean, when it's that vivid... but, sure, it's possible. Probably, if I just keep it at the back of my mind, something will happen, and then it'll dawn on me. I just hope it's not too late. I've made so many stupid mistakes in my life.

belize 12-06-2004 06:49 AM

Re: What does this dream mean?
Hello all! Greetings from snow country - quite lovely here now with six fresh inches. I am trying to enjoy my time here this winter in the country, almost in isolation, because it will be some time before I return. Yep, the visit with my pen pal went extremely well and I will be moving to the new tree this February. I put my notice in at work, the job i have held for 13 years, and have found a really good person to take over and also live in this house. It is all very exciting and a bit overwhelming too. But this fellow, you Know Him, is wonderful and I feel we will have a good life together.

Geena, still struggling with the courts? I am sorry. I guess it is a good idea to do the counseling and get it documented that you are okay and a capable, loving parent. Don't know what to say about the dream except perhaps the mess outside is somehow entering your home and an effort is required to keep things clean and simple in your life.

Mermaid, I have been on Lexapro, 10 mgs for just over a year. Sometimes I think of upping the dose but I usually try the old standards, exercise, the diet watch, and having a social contact, to get me through. It is not a cure all for depression but, it has helped me enormously by stopping cycling negative thoughts and death wishes. the first two weeks made me extremely tired and sluggish so I took naps and long hot baths and rode it out. No side effects now. Tight jaw went away and there are no sexual problems or weight gain. Let me know if you would like to hear more about this.

Warm thoughts, Belize

Genabeena 12-07-2004 05:00 PM

Re: What does this dream mean?
Leezey! So good to hear from ya dear-heart! Let’s see, six inches of snow… Dang! Well, where I am, it’s just cold, wet, gray, and foggy…..(but I like it.) I just said today to my preschool children, “I think it’s a beautiful day, because every day that I’m with my friends is a beautiful day.”

I had a suspicion about who your special person was, but I couldn’t be sure ‘til now. He is an awesome, good person. I couldn’t be happier about you and your “tree.” THAT IS SO COOL! Yipppeeeeeee!

Things are going o.k. for me with the court case. Ex-hubby becomes more and more unpleasant and slippery/slimey with each passing day, but I am no longer afraid. A good friend said something to me that was very true. He said to listen to my heart and have faith, but he said it in a much more poetic and meaningful way than I have ever heard before. It was KD, believe it or not. After all my dumping on him he still reaches out a hand to me….to me that’s….I don’t know, kind of inexplicable. Well, the point is, his words actually had the effect of changing my entire perspective on the whole situation, and I’m sleeping better at night.

We had a pre-trial hearing today and after everything, I think we may see the right thing done here after all. What I want is not at all unreasonable and I know I’m in the right. I just want to be able to support and care for my children and I want them to be safe and happy.

Well, gotta go get the kids to bed. Love ya. See ya! Take care! Be good! Keep in touch!


MermaidMer 12-07-2004 06:28 PM

Re: What does this dream mean?
belize and gena, so good to hear from you my dears! i had wondered what had happened to everyone, i was hoping and praying you were all well and healthy and most of all happy. and from your posts it seems like you are both on your way to achieving them.

gena, i'm glad to hear that the court case is going ok. i never totally understood all of the details, but i've always wanted things to work out for you, you know that. send my love to your beautiful daughters, how are they doing anyway? any new men in your life? (you mentioned KD so i'm a little curious...)

belize, there are no words. i couldn't be happier for you and your man, i had a feeling and you confirmed it. :bouncing: enjoy your new tree!

all my love to everyone,

oh gena, to talk more about dreams, i just had a dream where one of my teeth fell out (i've been having a lot of those lately) and another dream where i was 9 mos pregnant and started to give birth in my kitchen...just though i'd share since you shared your dream....can anyone offer any interpretations?

Man Apart 12-08-2004 08:43 AM

Re: What does this dream mean?
I just got off work, tired, that bed is looking tempting right now. I came on the board and my heart fluttered when I saw Geena's thread. Ill write more later cos right now im out of it but just quickly, It is nice to here from all of you. I missed the board tremendously. I always think of you guys and I lurk around every once and awhile. Hope everyone is having a good holiday season.

I've missed you Beenie girl. Geena my goodness, cut back on the Evil Dead movies hun. lol. Although my dreams are incredibly weird most of the time. I went to see the movie The Grudge, its like a horror flick, and for the next two weeks im having dreams about some dead girl coming out of my tv.

Hey Meredith. How you been my little sea friend. You came a long way girl. Im happy to see your doing better. As far as Lexpro. My experience wasnt very pleasant. Seems like all the new SSRI stuff they got out doesnt like me. I take prozac for now. Its never worked. Doctors wont give me anything for anxiety or panic. I dont have very sympathic doctors. I wanna take Clonapin, Ativan or Xanax or something. My anxiety is frightening. Its really a sad way to live you know. Always afraid or worried. With Lexapro I had major side effects, nausea and upset stomach. If it works give it a shot. If I may ask, what do you remember about the Ativan your doctor gave you? Anyway hope your taking care of yourself and all and chasing the boys away with a stick. Take care.

Its funny how dreams are. Belize right now your living mine. Dreams are beautiful when they come true sometimes. For some of us, theyre just that, dreams. Ill only be able to dream. We all know him of course, and I wish you both the best in your journey together. All the peace and happiness in the world.

As for my update. Well, here comes the sad part. Mothers, put your children to bed. Anwyay, I know I havent been around much. I really dont want to bring you guys down. You've all been wonderful. I just need you to understand something. Im really not what you think. Im far worse. All I can say is, I didnt make it. I spent the last 7 months of my life hoping, saving, sacrificing, loving someone, preparing myself for this trip, this journey, a new life only to build up to the worst and most painful sequence of events of my life. Events I suffer from now. I didn't make the trip. The funny thing is I dont even really know why. 7 months of saving and loving this girl. $1400.00 dollar ticket. Money gone, no refund. Bought new clothes, books to read on the plane, I had everything ready. But I couldnt do it. It never became more apparent to me how seriously ill I am until that day before my flight. When the fear and anxiety took its toll on me. I just couldnt control it. It just became worst and worst. The greatest day of my life turned into the worst day of my life. Hardest thing I ever had to do is tell Roselyn, I couldnt come. I had no reason. I didnt know why myself. I dont know the truth. I cant get her to understand. All I know is the day before I couldnt even pack my clothes. I was doubled over my desk trying to find air to breathe. Nerves were shot. Asking myself what is wrong. Why do I feel this way. Im suppose to be excited and happy. Why is this happening to me. What is it inside my mind, inside me that continues to destroy all my hopes and dreams. Why cant I have courage and strength. Why do I have to fail again. Why cant I do this. Why cant I have a life.

Life is cruel to me. For any other person in the world this would be like a fantasy vacation. To a beautiful exotic island. To spend a week with a beautiful loving girl. My life, my dreams was just that one step away. And I couldnt even make it to the airport. I dont know. I dont understand myself at all. Theres something inside me that I cant control. I cant describe it. It was installed into me early in my life. Or maybe I was born with it I dunno. All I know, is whatever it is. It doesnt dream. It doesnt fear death. Just life. It had no problem allowing me to pop a bottle of pills in my mouth. But wont let me hold a job, spend time with my family in public places, or get on a plane to go meet the girl of my dreams. Its apart of me.

I think Ive disconnected myself from the world for so long, it may be impossible to log back into life. Dont know what to do. I dont know if I can adapt to it. Always having fear. Always being afraid. Having constant anxiety and panic attacks daily. Its taken everything from me. My dreams of going to college. My dreams of having a career. Taken away my friends and the closeness of my family. And now taken away my hope for love. For as long as I can remember it has always been there. Waiting for whatever I do. It makes the decisions for me. The fear, the anxeity. And it wont let go until I give in to it. I never wanted something so bad in my life than to go across the world and see her. I want to be with her. I want to marry I want to have a family i want a better life. But what I want and what Im able to do is two different things.

It hurts. All I do is hurt. Just every day, looking back on my life regretting, full of guilt. Remember every situation when my fear has defeated me. Im just tired. I cant really talk about it anymore. Like I said I dont want to bring you guys down. Im ok for the most part. If anything my depression is bad. I may have conqured it. But I spent so much time and money on my depression and not enough time of what was causing it, the fear and anxiety. Ill be fine though. And if not it doesnt matter.

Its funny. All my love, sacrfice, and desires were defeated. I cant describe how much I love her. I can barely look at her pictures. Its torture. Because Ill probably never be able to see her, touch her, kiss her or hold her. I love her. I have the great heart. But perfect fear.

You guys hang tight. Ill pop in and out occassionally. I hope you understand though. Geena take care of yourself. Maybe pop in a few comedies next time instead of DVD collection of Friday the 13th. I need sleep now. Ill post again today if any of you are around. Take care, my love and best wishes to all of you.

MermaidMer 12-08-2004 10:07 AM

Re: What does this dream mean?
hi gang!
rod, it's so good to hear from you. i'm sorry your trip didn't work out, i know how much you were looking forward to going, but i also know how bad anxiety can get. it sent me to the ER last year during finals week, and i'm terrified it's going to do the same to me this semester. finals are next week and since i'm an english major i have all these papers to write and i haven't been writing them, i've just been lying in bed doing nothing because when i even think about doing them i freak out. i'm so terrified of failing, but on the flip side i just don't care about my grades or gpa anymore. i really think i need something to help me combat my anxiety, but i don't go to see my pdoc until january. and finals are done the 17th (of december).
i don't really remember what the ativan was like, they gave me one when i went to the ER back in may but i never filled the prescription the ER doc gave me because i didn't have any more anxiety attacks after that. but unfortunately, i'm wishing i had them now because i feel like my stomach is going to eat the rest of my body. it's almost as though my mental anxiety is causing physical pain to my body and i'm freaking out. that made no sense, but oh well.
i saw the grudge on halloween and it scared the living daylights out of me. but then when i got home i just kept telling myself it's not real it's not real, and i was fine. maybe i should keep telling myself that finals aren't real and i won't freak out, haha. i just wish my anxiety would go away. so rod, yes i know EXACTLY how you feel. just in a different way. i think i'm going to force myself to take a shower and put on real clothes instead of sweats. this post had absolutely no point other than for me to rant, and i apologize; i think i just needed to get it out though.
much love to all,

ps rod, i haven't been fighting boys off with a stick, i only wish that was the truth. i've been terribly alone instead, which is part of the reason i've felt so crappy and down lately and haven't wanted to get out of bed.
my ex is still around and he keeps messing with my head and i've been trying my hardest to leave well enough alone,'s complicated.
there is a guy from high school who i recently reconnected with thanks to ********, but i don't know where that's going. i had the BIGGEST crush on him junior and senior year of hs and HE'S the one who got in touch with ME. i didn't even think he knew i existed. but i guess he must have seen my picture online or something and wanted to talk. we stayed up till 2 in the morning the other night talking online (he initiated the conversation) but i don't want to get too optomistic or read too much into it.
i just hate the thought of being alone for the holidays, and it doesn't help my depression and anxiety. someone help!! :eek:

belize 12-08-2004 07:04 PM

Re: What does this dream mean?
arghh...the dreaded H word. Holidays. Where families gather to exchange heartfelt gifts and scrumptious meals all in a warm, fuzzy rosy glow of goodwill and love.


My parents are going to Canada, Lake Louise, to cross country ski and read by the fire of the grand old lodge. Good for them...she's 76 and he's 81. it is their honeymoon spot they return to. My brother lives in another dimension. My son says he will come on Christmas Eve to spend the night, and I really hope he does, but his record for following through is not the best. My love is in the Heartland and our first Christmas together is a year away. Whaahh. hard to ho ho ho on your own, ain't it.

On the other hand, it is the night of our dear savior's birth [opinions vary] and individually we can praise Him and the strength he brings to our lives. Not a bad idea.

Man oh Man, good to hear from you. You make me smile when your humour comes out for dear Geena. I know you are making efforts to conquer this great fear of yours and I wish you all the best in that. Our egos control us in many ways and try to keep us away from truth. It wants its own truth and it is a very powerful devil who is never right about anything. Your heart yearns and then breaks but in the end will carry you far if you listen to it and act from it and not your tortured mind. I know how difficult it is to switch over and struggle with the demon daily. I feel for you.

belize 12-13-2004 08:08 AM

Re: What does this dream mean?
thought the thread disappeared... had to run a search to find it.

Happy endings, I thank those of you who are happy for us, but do not imagine that it is all puppies and roses. Some of it requires crawling around in the muck barefoot and blind. Once you have confessed one to another and feel cleansed of sins of thought and deed you get a reprieve, an uplifting glorious day or two. Until you look down and find you missed something. there is more to see, more to work on, more to do to get to that safe place we all look for with another. The muck is always there but it is nice to have a hand to grasp while you work your way up the slippery banks of the pool. Anyway, thanks. The good days are very, very good and I trust there will be more of them, enough to balance the scales in the favor of two who only wish to love each other. Staying quiet and prayer really helps most times when the whole thing gets covered in doubt. It does not do well to get all excited beyond a single moment, better to take it as it comes and work on trust and nourish faith. Did I mention prayer?

Genabeena 12-20-2004 01:40 PM

Re: What does this dream mean?
Okay, where do I start.... well first I want to be sure to welcome and encourage newbies and anyone who has the interest to join in the thread. My original thread title came out the way it did for two reasons and nothing more. One, because I was hoping to grab the attention of certain individuals here who have been following one another out of a curiosity about how those particular people are fairing right now, and a desire to hear from those people. And two, because I was short on time and imaginativeness at the moment. It was certainly not intended to discourage others from joining in, as Man Apart and Mermaid and others as well as I have always done our best to greet newcomers with open arms. That's how our "gang" (which is certainly anything but a gang or clique) has gotten so big and includes more names than any one of us can list all at once. Oh, folks come and go, but they are all totally welcome at any time. Thank you for the new title, though. The first one never did set with me quite right.

Next, I apologize for taking so long getting back. I had a whole thing typed up, but I seem to be a little technically challenged lately. I just couldn't seem to get it from my hard drive at home to a floppy and then here. Don't ask.

Anyway, HI!!!!!!!!! A big "Hi" from the Beanster. It is just wonderful to hear from you, Rod. I want you to know, first and foremost that I'm not disappointed about you not going on your trip. I'm sympathetic for you, but as far as my thinking on the matter. Things happen (or fail to happen) for a reason. This was not the right trip at the right time. It just wasn't your time to go and do this. Best not to question it too much, but just have faith that this is the way it has to be. Also, try not to dwell on it. No need to rub salt in the wound. I’m sure it was painful enough to live through it once. Just don’t look back. Keep moving forward. Focus on yourself instead. Focus on healing and getting over the immediate obstacles to your mental/emotional health. This you must study like it was a subject in school and you’re going for an A+.

In the original message that is still sitting there, stuck in my hard drive, I described a metaphor where you are like this person who is trapped behind an invisible force field, like a shield of unbreakable glass. And I am banging my fists against it trying to free you from there. And I continue to bang my fists, on that glass anyway, not because I think I can smash it, but because I want my Man to know that someone cares enough to do this, and because I want him to HANG IN THERE long enough to discover that, although glass is never going to break, it [I]can[/I] melt. It is gradually and slowly melting over the years. But this is one of those things you have to learn for yourself. My telling you does no good, because you have to learn it for yourself. It’s like in the wizard of Oz where the good witch says to Dorothy, “you had the power to go home all the time.” And they all say, “why didn’t you tell her?!” And she replies, “because she wouldn’t have believed it. She had to learn it for herself.”

See in every story, the hero always has to survive an adventure. But the adventure looks different for each person. We all have different dragons to slay, and they come in many forms.

Hey, Mermaid. Boy do I hear you about feeling alone. I was listening to this song by John Lennon today and I started crying:

Real Love

All my little battling schemes
was like some forgotten scenes;
Seems that all I really was doing
was waiting for Y O U.

Dressed like little girls and boys,
playing with their little toys;
Seems like all we really were doing
was waiting for L O V E.

No need to be alone
No need to be alone
It's real love, it's R E A L .
Yes, it's real love, it's R E A L .

From this moment on I know
exactly where my life will go;
seems that all I really was doing
was waiting for L O V E.

No need to be afraid
No need to be afraid
It's real love, it's R E A L .
Yes, it's real love, it's R E A L .

More I didn't love before,
But in my heart I wanted more;
Seems like all I really was doing
was waiting for Y O U.

No need to be alone
No need to be alone
It's real love, it's R E A L .
It's real love, it's R E A L .
Yes, it's real love, it's R E A L .............

Love really is real. Perhaps the most real thing of all, in a way. Sometimes, there are moments (usually when listening to a John Lennon song, hilariously) when I can actually feel the love of the world being absorbed into my soul. None-the-less, we humans seem to have an uncanny drive to try and bring that love home. To experience true love between two people, that seems to be, somehow, what it’s all about. You can imagine how that would feel, and what it would be like. It’s as if, to feel that love is to feel His love. Although, as many of you know, I don’t really think of God that way. I’m really just an explorer.

Have a very happy, joyous, heart-warming, merry, jolly, holy, festive, spiritual, bright, blessed, holiday.

Love From,

I did figure out what that dream was about. It was so simple- I'm ashamed of myself. It was about wanting to help someone, but being too crippled myself to do anything. I can go into it more later, but I need to go get the Beanie Baby right now. Take care all!

opiateskill000 12-20-2004 01:58 PM

Re: What does this dream mean?

I think your dream is telling you not to procrastinate or waste time doubting yourself. If you don't do those things, you can help others, thus helping yourself. :)

kiehn 12-20-2004 05:32 PM

Re: What does this dream mean?
Im a amateur in dream interpretation but here's what I found. The women was
actually you, the road is your direction in life and crossing the road is a major
decision you are or will be facing. You may be nervous that you will fall to
pieces or it is tearing you up inside. The house also represents your body
that our spirit resides in.

opiateskill000 12-20-2004 06:27 PM

Re: What does this dream mean?
[QUOTE=kiehn]Im a amateur in dream interpretation but here's what I found. The women was
actually you, the road is your direction in life and crossing the road is a major
decision you are or will be facing. You may be nervous that you will fall to
pieces or it is tearing you up inside. The house also represents your body
that our spirit resides in.[/QUOTE]

kiehn, i'm going to have to respectably disagree entirely. often, people read too much into dreams, and look for universal symbols that apply to everyone, when in reality, dreams are the most personal thing a human being can ever experience. a road does not always mean a direction in life, and a house does not always represent a body. a road can be a road, and a house can be a place where humans live...

as you interpreted it, you make it seem as if the dreamer is SUPPOSED to cross this road, when in fact, the road is a dangerous and lethal place to go.

as i interpreted it, since the road in the dream is a place of danger and death, and the dreamer (in the dream) does not think it's a good idea to cross it, it takes on a new dimension. OTHER PEOPLE want to cross this road (which means other people in the dreamer's life are yearning to do something that is dangerous or metaphorically lethal), and THE DREAMER is mentally paralyzed, thus incapable of HELPING OTHERS. the guilt felt afterwards stems from her inability to speak her mind and help those nearest to her. THEREFORE, the dream, to me, represents the dreamer's innate knowledge of the dangers of procrastination/self-doubt. she subconsciously knows that her instincts are in balance (since she predicts that the road is dangerous, and it turns out that it IS), yet something (depression, maybe? just a wild guess) is hindering her from expressing something vitally (literally so in the dream) important. in the end, her inability leaves her feeling hopeless and guilty, which is probably how she feels in life when she knows that she is right but can't muster up the courage to speak her mind.


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