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  • Disfunctional family.. dont know what to do anymore

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    Old 03-05-2005, 02:32 PM   #1
    Man Apart
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    Unhappy Disfunctional family.. dont know what to do anymore

    Blood is definitely thicker than water. But somehow I think water is just more pure. You know, I cant explain my family. I just cant. I live in this part disfunctional, part religious, part loving place, with parents would do alot for me, care for me, but if you were to go room to room in my house and open up everyones closet, there would be skeleton bones piled high.

    I'm in the process of moving out, but in the middle of something I cant really understand. Its always hard when things involve people you love and grew up with. You cant just easily make the same decisions as you would anyone else. If they do wrong your more forgiving of course than you would anyone else. I don't know what to do in my situation. I just figure Id leave well enough alone.

    I caught my father and sister having sex a year and a half ago. It was one of the most painful moments I ever had to experience. We sat down and waiting for my mother to come home from work, to collectively tell her. They sat with me for 2 hours trying to bride me with money, and telling me I would cause this family to be torn apart, and trying to turn it around on me, and tell me why would I want to hurt my mother like this. It was extremely agrravating and pathetic to say the least. My mom got home and I hugged and kissed her and told her id always be there for her. And I allowed them to tell her what happened. They played the religious card from the bottom of the deck. Saying satans spirit was pushing them into sin and its a blessing I caught them and, well basically just lie after lie. You know growing up I always suspecting and saw things between them I never could understand. It just all hit me at once, this has been happening for years, probably even before I was born.

    2 days later my mom had a stroke. It took alot out of me seeing half of my mothers face paralyzed and slurring her words. She just didnt have anything left inside her, but the love she had for me. She felt betrayed, but she was still caught up in the religious stuff they fed her and was trying hard to forgive them. I told her whatever decision she make I would abide by. She forgave them, we still all live together.

    They swore it would never happen again. Of course I dont believe that. Theyre in love admittedly. Theyre not just going to stop all at once just cos they were caught. And they essentially got away with it cos nothing really happened to them. Everything just got swept under the rug and we went back to pretending to be the Brady Bunch. Well I caught them again a few days ago. I didn teven feel like reacting. I just shook my head and went back to bed. I dont even know if I care. Im moving out soon anyway. But I feel for my mother. She has lobbied so heavily for me to stay here, and not abandon her. But I think I need to leave this house. Im consumed in its toxicity.

    You may think this strange but, I really love my father. Hes a pathological liar and a wolf in sheep clothing and hide behind the bible but, the contradicting thing about him is, he has never failed in providing for his family and he has always donw everything for us. He loves me. I mean he really does care alot about me. He does so much for this family. He doesnt drink or smoke or gamble, all his work and effort goes into this house and his family. But, hes doing something so repulsive to me. I dont know who to blame more. My sister is just as a willing participant in this. I dont know who intiated it, it was probably before my time but, Im so mixed with emotions I dont know what to do. I just want to run away. Which is what Im doing, Im moving out.

    But do I want to drop this on my mother again, risking her health, risking this family being torn apart, but then how can I leave her as she naively assumes nothing is going on. I cant believe shes never ever ever suspected anything after all these years. What do I do. I cant bare seeing her collapse like before. But I just want this to end between them. But if theyre inlove and hiding this, I dont know if theres anything I can do to stop it and still try to keep everyone together and close.

    I dont know. I dont know. Im afraid everytime I walk out of my room. Afraid Ill hear them. Or catch them hiding. I cant even eat out of the same plates, Im so disgusted with them. I just buy food out every day.

    I dont care anymore. Im tired of caring. My life sucks. Everything sucks. I cant say I hate my family. But I hate they gave birth to me. Ill do the world a favor. The bloodline ends with me.

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    Old 03-05-2005, 06:16 PM   #2
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    Re: Disfunctional family.. dont know what to do anymore

    Im sorry to hear youre dealing with all this. I also come from a very disfunctional family. I wont go into details, but like you, its difficult for me to even be around them. Ive tried talking to them but it hasnt helped, so for myself, I decided if they wont do anything to improve the situation, I needed to remove myself from it. I have since distanced myself and rarely see them. Its hard at times, and I feel guilty sometimes, but Im doing what I have to in order to take care of myself. I have to admit, I feel a lot better since I rarely put myself in that bad environment anymore.
    I know this will be hard for you, but if you feel you need to move out, you should do it. I agree that your mom needs you now, but if you dont take care of yourself first, you wont be in a place you need to be in order to help her as much as you could.

    Old 03-05-2005, 08:14 PM   #3
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    Re: Disfunctional family.. dont know what to do anymore

    I totally agree with muscn. I come from a disfunctional family also...actually a disfunctional father...and I moved to another state to get away from him toxicity. You have to do what you have to do to make YOU feel comfortable. You're not responsible for your mom...even though you may feel you are. This is just my opinion, but I think your mom knew all along and was just holding it in...keeping it from you...and when you found out it was more then she could stand because she didn't want you to feel hurt and betrayed...I may be wrong. You do what you have to do. If that means moving out then do so. You have to keep yourself healthy for yourself and your mom.

    Old 03-06-2005, 12:12 AM   #4
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    Re: Disfunctional family.. dont know what to do anymore

    Wow, that must be really hard to deal with. I hope your mom's getting better after her stroke. You can still look after your mom, even if you get your own place. You can visit her everyday and do things for her and drive her places. Phone calls are good too. You don't need to live with your parents forever. You need to look after yourself too. It's not good living in such a toxic environment. I wish I could think of someone to get them to stop doing what they're doing, but ultimately, they're adults, and I think you're right to not tell your mom.

    Old 03-06-2005, 01:22 PM   #5
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    Re: Disfunctional family.. dont know what to do anymore

    im sorry things have been soo hard! i agree with dackard, looking after ur mom is important to u by the sounds of it, which is good, so u should continue to do this if poss, like dackard said, calls, offers of help etc will go a long way

    and getting out of the environment that causes u soo much pain will help u as well hopefully

    Good luck and take care


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