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  • New to Lexapro,, Have my concerns. Please Help!

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    Old 05-13-2005, 07:03 PM   #1
    MMS1
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    New to Lexapro,, Have my concerns. Please Help!

    I've had increasing Anxiety due to a physical ailment over three months ago. I was on Xanax (.5mg) to help me get to sleep, but never got more then two hours of sleep at a time then would be up fighting to get back to sleep (most of the time needing more Xanax! This condition has progressed to GAD and I've become so bad, I'm pacing the house day and night in a horrible state of anxiousness, panic and totally stressed and tense constantly! Where as I've only been on the Xanax for sleep at the beginning of this all, as of the past month and a half I've also needed it during the day! I'm currently on about (.75mg-1mg.) total and I'm afraid of getting more on it and never being able to get off it! I've tried cutting the dose a little but it's really hard fighting the feeling inbetween.
    I've just started Lexapro that my G.P. gave me a months samples of. I've been putting off taking them for over a month due to all the negative things I've heard about ADS. I also don't want to be dependant on these indefinately as it seems MOST people who get on them are! It seems anybody who's on them for a while, can't get off without HORRIBLE side effects and then going back to their previous state before getting on them. Then there's the problem where alot of people only get partial relief and need to be on a "multiple barrage" of drugs to synthetically induce "LIFE" for them!!! If this Lexapro does'nt work for me,, I'm not going through the Hell of trying various other ones, as so many do,, in search of the "magic" one that does work.
    I've already lost (30) pounds, so I don't need to lose any more weight (normally I'm 185, I'm also a middle aged male). I have'nt slept in almost four months, so I don't need any more INSOMNIA (it's taking it's toll on my sanity and health). I know the side effect are different for everyone (mostly).
    Modern science is WONDERFUL!!!! They create medicine that gives you WORSE SYMPTOMS FOR WEEKS then you're already suffering, with the 50/50 chance it may or may not work for you, then if not,, you become a GUINEA PIG for them to experiment on while they're scratching THEIR UNINFORMED HEADS!!! You can see how FED UP I am with the DRUG PUSHING companies and the Medical profession that's TOTALLY IGNORANT of what any of this stuff does or does'nt do!!! As long as they all get RICH over our MISERY that's all they give a ---- about!
    So,, with all my fear of getting on these "wonderful" ADS (especially after reading and hearing of all the people who CAN'T WAIT to get off them) I need advise on taking the plunge into this "Lexapro".
    I started today at a VERY SMALL dose just to see what effect it would have. I took a quarter of a 10mg tab at noon. Twenty minutes later I went for a walk and my legs felt like they had heavy weights tied to them! Shortly after, I felt like I was in a fog, slightly dizzy, very groggy, and where as, I've had problems trying to catch my breath (due to the GAD) before taking the pill,, Now it was twice as bad, it felt like someone was standing on my chest while I was trying to catch my breath!! About five hours later these effects wore off and I went into my usual Anxiety, queezy feeling and ultra high nervous feeling that's been worse daily as this thing progresses.

    I'm afraid if I immediately jump to .5mg I'll be hit worse and will just quit trying! Also, what experience has anyone had with taking these things for a short time and getting off it without residual feelings or falling back into their "old" previous condition? I've heard that happens often and then you can't get back on the same AD because your body is then immune to it (so starts the re-experimenting with other ADS) It's all a NIGHTMARE TO ME!!
    Any advise on how long I should stick with a quarter of a pill (or if that's even going to help me wean on)? How bad will it be then going to a half,, then a quarter and finally the whole .10mg? What are the odds of this stuff helping me get off the Xanax and get my sleep pattern back? Any feedback on any of this is appreciated since if this does'nt work,, I've tried natural/herbal supplements and cures, but nothing else helps this feeling. I'm getting worse daily and can't contend with the injury that still drives me insane and which was the cause of all this horror!!!

    Thanks for any advise or feedback!!

    MMS1

     
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    Old 05-14-2005, 02:06 PM   #2
    Astroboy529
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    Re: New to Lexapro,, Have my concerns. Please Help!

    Hi MMS:

    I'm a mid 40's male and am going through a life crisis. I had never had real, clinical depression before last year when it crept on me. The first AD is was prescribed was Lexapro which made me a nervous wreck. I've tried several others even in combination and nothing has really worked well. I got GAD, also beginning with a major panic attack in November and I've been taking Xanax and sleeping pills too.

    I don't think the ADs helped and quitting them didn't hurt either. Regarding the sedatives, you do build up a tolerance to them, i.e. get hooked and they lose their effectiveness. I'm going to see the doctor on Monday to go through a regimen of weaning off everything.

    You didn't mention the source of your anxiety and I think that will be helpful. Is it a job? In my case it was my business, so I'm liquidating it to alleviate the source. I would strongly advise you to take action about the source of your stress. I've also tried some alternatives like acupuncture and self hypnosis which I think are worth trying. I'm not where I want to be, but I think they have slowly helped. Some other people here on the board have had success with various supplements like Omega 3 and 6 and magnesium. I'm trying those too.

    I can relate totally to the overwhelming anxiety you've had and I still do somewhat but it seems to be less bad now. I'm fortunate in that I can take some time off without being homeless, but I am kinda wondering what to do with myself. I'm still not at a point where I enjoy things I used to enjoy. I'll know things have improved when I don't want to just hide at home, which is where I am now.

    So believe me, there are others like you and me around. I think it's also helpful to post your thoughts and feelings on this board or somewhere else like a journal to let it out. I trust it will get better eventually, I just don't know when. I do know some people who have had similar experiences to me at some point in their lives and have gotten past it. All that keeps me going is the hope that I will, too.

    I will say this: Taking Xanax beats have a panic attack any day of the year. If you have to do it to get you through your rough spot, then do it. But, its important to figure out what is bringing the symptons on and address the situation, so that you CAN get better.

    Take care and realize that lots of people have undergone the hell you and I are going through right now.....

     
    Old 05-14-2005, 04:01 PM   #3
    MMS1
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    Re: New to Lexapro,, Have my concerns. Please Help!

    Hi Astroboy529,
    Thanks for your reply. The story of how this started at the beginning of Feb. is in another post I have under "Anxiety" on Page 3 under the heading of "Really Scared, Need Advise ON Lexapro". If you care to have take a look it'll show you what kind of Horrid Delima I'm in!! In a nutshell, it had to do with an instantaneous loss of hearing in my right ear which set me into a panic!!! I was put on Xanax to counter act my Anxiety and also since I was put on a Steroid for ten days (which has side effects of raising anxiety and causing insomnia) I've only been getting worse and worse!!!
    It's the constant symptoms of the ear (which is all in the other post) which I can't get used to that's fueling all this Anxiety and now horrid depression!!! The fact that I used to be able to sleep so well and eat so well and was just turning my life around when this all happened has set me into a state where I can't see a way out!!!
    Three years ago, I lost a small business which in turn caused me to lose my house of ten years!!! That was a truamatic experience which took me MONTHS to get over. I was on xanax then (for the first time) although a small does (.25mg) and did'nt take it all the time,, just as needed for my really bad depression and anxiety!! I was on it for at least four months, but did'nt take it every single night to make me sleep (like now)! I knew nothing of "weaning" off a drug at that time. As I got through that crisis, I found I just did'nt need it and did'nt take any more!
    Now is different. First off,, as hard as that time was on me and my family,, I kept telling myself,, I'll somehow get back on my feet (told my family that too) and although the following two years proved a financial hardship, we had to rent a house where we were miserable, I lost two part time jobs during that time and lost my car to irrepairable damages, I kept trying! Then we had to move from that house and wound up renting my wifes cousin's very small house. With no car (my wife has to use her car for her job) and trapped in this tiny house all day,, I still worked on finding a way out of all this!
    Then six months later, I was struck with this Sudden Hearing Loss while sitting at my computer and that was like the Last straw!!!! Now although a little hearing has returned,,, I get constant ringing, everything is low and muffled (VERY FRUSTRATING) and Peoples voices and mine sound doubled and distorted (VERY ANNOYING)!!! So,, sorry for this ultra long sob story,, but unlike the losing my business and home, which were a HORRENDOUS EXPERIENCE (I still have nightmares about), I felt I would start another business, eventually get another house,,, but with this,,, I know I have to live with my hearing like this,, and it's driving me nuts,, I can't see how I'll be able to accept it! IN the mean time,, the only income I had in the past few years is from a band I've been in (had nothing to do with the hearing loss). The band was what kept my sanity through through all this and was my dream since I was a kid. Through growing popularity,, the band was now the hottest band in the area. Last Monday the head of the band (who I thought was a friend) gave me last minute notice and already had a replacement in the wings,, I got kicked out!!!! He did this because I missed a gig here and there since this thing with the ear started. I'm so beyond devastation now,, it's beyond explantion!!!! I've always loved having my sons around and we'd always laugh and just enjoy being together. Now, whenever they stop by to visit, or we talk on the phone, I know their fed up with hearing how I feel and it's killing me that I'm feeling so buried with this, that I can't enjoy their company and enivedably am pusing them away, (they're my whole life)!! My wife who's been so supportive through all this (she's had to go through all our misery and now help me) is finally at wit's end with my non-stop talking of how horrid I feel and can't see a way out!!! My family is ALL I'VE GOT, I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THEM, although they know how bad I have it right now,, it's extremely hard on them to deal with me!! How something like this which happened so quickly,, just ruined my life!!!

    Sorry for all this, but thanks for your interest.

    MMS1

     
    Old 05-14-2005, 05:21 PM   #4
    Astroboy529
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    Re: New to Lexapro,, Have my concerns. Please Help!

    MMS:

    That's alot to deal with! My own situation is different but what I'm experiencing emotionally is very similar to what you are. I got divorced two years ago from an abusive spouse. Thankfully we had no kids. Right after the divorce my business started to have trouble and my partner and I had a falling out. After a prolonged period in which we were not getting along, it became quite contentious and two other shareholders and I, ousted him.
    Right after we "bought him out", the business almost immediately went into the tank and feeling like an idiot for buying him out, I started to get depressed and then the panic attack ensued as I came to the realization that it wasn't viable. Meanwhile, the divorce kept getting uglier and uglier and the legal bills mounted and mounted. I finally couldn't take the cumulative pressure and just cracked.

    I don't have any kids but I do have some great friends. I've withdrawn like you have and hate to leave the house. It's a beautiful day today, but can I enjoy it? No, nor can I enjoy ANYTHING! I just sit like a zombie staring at the tube and occasionally talk on the phone. I can't recognize myself! My friends, for the most part are only familiar with depression in that they've seen what's happened to me. Objectively, my life isn't so bad, although this business was 15 years old and losing it is a trauma to me. I understand the reaction you described of pushing your family away. I really do. People tell me to take a vacation, but the problem is I wouldn't yet be able to enjoy it!
    Things that I was able to do routinely a year ago, now seem overwhelming.

    Starting about a year ago, virtually every single decision I made backfired and I've stopped trusting my judgement. My resume is good and some of my clients have offerred me jobs, but I feel so brain damaged that I would be doing them and me a huge disservice. So I sit here and pray that in the next several months I can somehow heal. I don't know what I'd do if I had a family to take care of. I can barely take care of my two dogs!

    Depression is the most debilitating and incapacitating illness I've ever had and I honestly wonder when, if ever, I'll feel better. I'm trying everything I can but the progress is slow and It's so damn frustrating to be alive but feeling lifeless.

    I can barely imagine what I'd be life if I had experienced your traumas. Under the circumstances, you sound like you're handling it better than I would be.
    I haven't lost my house yet and thankfully can survive for a period of time while I heal. I just don't know how long that will be as this is totally uncharted waters for me. I'm encouraged to hear that you recovered from your business loss years ago. I'm sorry to hear about your ear. Thankfully, I haven't had any physical health issues. All I can say to you is that writing out my feelings on this board and sharing them with other people has helped at the margin because depression not only makes you feel alone, but our tendency is to let it become alone by withdrawing from the people we love.

    I encourage you to let it out as long and in as much detail as you want to and I'll be around to answer. Most of the people on the board are very young, which is tragic in and of itself. There are very few of us middle aged type males. I shudder at the thought of living a lifetime like this!

     
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