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  • Feelings hurt by husband

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    Old 06-13-2005, 07:25 PM   #1
    jill30
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    Feelings hurt by husband

    I feel so sad and depressed all the time when my husband gives hints about certain things. If I do not work out my husband will give me the cold shoulder all night, when I do not leave my hair down and I put it in a barrett he says "I never see other girls wear barretts." I get so sad and angry knowing that he can be so shallow. Things like this should not matter when I am his wife.

     
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    Old 06-13-2005, 07:41 PM   #2
    boopstergirl
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    Talking Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    No one should EVER make you feel this way - no one! My ex-husband used to be this way with me. Always criticizing what I did, wore, didn't wear, etc. I was never 'toned' enough for him and if I did look good, he'd tell me that I must be trying to impress someone.

    After 16 years of mental and emotional abuse, I found the strength to get out and never loved myself so much as I did then. I'm now remarried - 6 years later - to a man who loves me for me - unconditionally - and would NEVER even think of cutting me or my appearances down.

    You deserve to be happy and not made to feel depressed by a shallow man such as your husband. Tell him once and for all to leave you the hell alone!

    Last edited by boopstergirl; 06-13-2005 at 07:41 PM.

     
    Old 06-13-2005, 08:14 PM   #3
    kerry1
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    Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    Sorry to have to say this, but that sounds like a form of sadism. Like he enjoys being mean and hurting you. Or is trying to make you leave him.

     
    Old 06-13-2005, 09:01 PM   #4
    nothisprincess
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    Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    ...................

    Last edited by nothisprincess; 06-17-2005 at 07:05 PM.

     
    Old 06-15-2005, 03:37 PM   #5
    jill30
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    Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    I spoke to my husband plenty of times and he feels like he is doing nothing wrong. He thinks he is helping me out but it is doing just the opposite.

     
    Old 06-16-2005, 08:43 AM   #6
    veggie girl
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    Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    I hate to play devils advocate, but is it possible you're letting yourself go? I'm not excusing his insensitive remarks but some women (my mother included) think that once you're married you can look however you want.

    I think that although you shouldn't have to be dressed up ALL the time, you should (both) at least make an effort - coz a marriage IS based not only on love but physical attraction and you both have to make an effort to keep that spark alive.

    I have a boyfriend and I love him and think he is very cute, but he hardly ever makes an effort - he just looks such a slob all the time; his nails get long and dirty, his hair uncut, his eyebrows like a wolf and his clothes full of creases and shoes all dirty and scuffed.

    Now I don't consider myself shallow but I have a physical relationship with this guy and its hard to feel romantic and attracted to someone who often looks so disgusting. I don't need him to dress up all the time or anything, just a little maintenance would do.

    I've stopped making an effort with him too. I used to dress in sexy sleepwear or cute tops around the house, but now I'm all about comfort - big sweat pants, big tshirts. I figure, he's made no effort over the past two years, why should I?

     
    Old 06-16-2005, 02:27 PM   #7
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    Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    I am attracted to my boyfriend because of his wit, sense of humor, intelligence, and the fact that he is so down to earth. This is what I see in him and find most attractive. There is an endless list of qualities I love about him. And with all of these personality characteristics comes physical attraction. I want to be with this man because of the above mentioned, and our emotional connection. These things above are what makes someone physically attractive to ME. Personality. A smile. Attitude. You could have the most gorgeous (relative) human being in the world sitting in front of you, but could you honestly remain attracted to this person for a lifetime if they were criticizing, arrogant, (insert negative personality trait here)? Beauty is lost with bad personality.

    I think that your husband should be questioning why this is happening to you and showing concern. He should not just making joking/complaining remarks concerning the matter. Obviously there is a reason you are the way you are, and making the decisions that you do. If there has been a significant change in your habits, he should voice his concern. Or maybe you will have to take the step. Maybe he's unsure of what's going on in your head and is afraid to ask. You should talk to him about it. Let him know his remarks are bothering you. Discuss why you are attracted to one another. Talking things out cannot hurt anything.

    I am not married (although I will be within the year), so I have no idea what kind of commitment marriage is. Well, I do, but not from experience...just expectation and commitments made thus far. It is an entirely new level of a relationship that someone cannot even understand until they are there. But I've given you my opinion as best I can from the situation I am in. Good Luck! I hope everything works out for you!

     
    Old 06-16-2005, 04:19 PM   #8
    okie1967
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    Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    I have been married 14 years and really don't know how I survived this long. He is so overbearing and thoughtless. Life is so much more than worrying about how much money you can save up in your savings account. We really don't have a life and really don't live. I have always been a very nervous person even as a child. Have never been able to stop putting myself down. My doctor has recommended I see someone but my husband doesn't think his family would approve. So, I always think he is looking down on me. I am afraid to try to speak up for myself, afraid to loose him. But I know I need someone to talk to and someone to understand me.

    WHAT SHOULD I DO??????????

     
    Old 06-16-2005, 04:37 PM   #9
    Joopy
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    Angry Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    Tell him to pull your finger next time he starts up.

    Seriously.

    Tell him "why don't you just say, I never want sex again??"

    sorry, he sounds like a real piece of work.

     
    Old 06-16-2005, 05:58 PM   #10
    kerry1
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    Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    SADISM = When you really enjoy hurting others. You really get off on their pain. It's not always a permanent condition. But you can tell when someone's hurting you whether they're enjoying it or not, or feeling a nice "release". You feel it in your bones, even if they deny it.

     
    Old 06-16-2005, 06:37 PM   #11
    veggie girl
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    Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by okie1967
    I have been married 14 years and really don't know how I survived this long. He is so overbearing and thoughtless. Life is so much more than worrying about how much money you can save up in your savings account. We really don't have a life and really don't live. I have always been a very nervous person even as a child. Have never been able to stop putting myself down. My doctor has recommended I see someone but my husband doesn't think his family would approve. So, I always think he is looking down on me. I am afraid to try to speak up for myself, afraid to loose him. But I know I need someone to talk to and someone to understand me.

    WHAT SHOULD I DO??????????
    He sounds like a complete a%$*&@e

    His "family wouldn't approve" of you seeing a doctor? Urgh, how DARE he?!

    You say you're afraid to lose him, but what does he have to offers thats good? It sounds like a miserable life with this miserable man.

     
    Old 06-16-2005, 07:21 PM   #12
    square
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    Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    I completely agree. Your husband should never look down on you. You are obviously not getting the support you need from the family, so you need to talk to a third party.

    You do not deserve to feel like this at all. He is a truly unhappy person if he needs to demean you for confidence.

     
    Old 06-16-2005, 09:57 PM   #13
    Soibhan
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    Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    Jill, I believe your husband is trying to control you and that's a form of abuse. It can get to the point of physical abuse. I know this because I was in a relationship like that many years ago. It started out pretty much as you describe. Before long he was pinching me, grabbing me by the hair, kicking me, slapping, etc. Once he grabbed me by the hair and threw me down a flight of stairs. I had a friend who figured out what was going on and she gave me the courage to leave him. It was tough, but thank goodness all that is behind me! Please be very careful and don't end up like I did. Being alone is much better than fearing for your life.

     
    Old 06-17-2005, 02:10 PM   #14
    jill30
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    Re: Feelings hurt by husband

    This response is for Veggie Girl. I am very into my apperence. I always wear makeup, jewelry, highlights in my hair and I go tanning. I always make sure I have the latest fashions from cloths,watches, handbags and shoes. People at work are always complimenting me saying that they would like to take me with them when they go shopping for advice. I get so angry when I see girls who wear sweats, no makeup, no jewlery and their hair just thrown into a ponytail and they are with this GQ guy who looks like he worships the ground that these girls walk on.

     
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