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    Old 09-30-2005, 11:38 AM   #16
    MildDepJeff
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    Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    Your husband won't think you're a failure! Don't think that. He loves you and he'll support you no matter what.

    Here, this helps me relax when I'm getting stressed out:

    Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Count to 10 as you breathe in, hold it for 10, and let it out for 10. Clear your mind as you do so, just let your tension and worries out as you exhale. Take a few deep breaths like that. It'll help you calm down and relax. Don't be tricked into thinking about whether it's working or that you can't stop thinking about stuff or anything like that... The point is to take long, slow, calming breaths. Focus on the feel of the air as it goes into your lungs and comes out (that gives your mind something to think about instead of your worries).

    Do that a few times until you can feel the tension going out of you. It helps to close your eyes but depending on your office you don't want to be thought of as sleeping on the job .

    Did you have any time between jobs? Or did you go straight from your last one to this one? The reason I ask is it seems like you're mostly upset about losing the friendships from your last job... the cliquey nature of this new job is also making you upset, but I was wondering if you knew what is the biggest thing you're depressed about? Can you tell how much is from each source?

    That might help you break down the emotions into something you can address... If it is mostly the loss of your friends, then a different job won't make a difference. If it's mostly the environment at the new job, a different job will help.

     
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    Old 09-30-2005, 11:40 AM   #17
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    Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    Oh and if you can get yourself calmed down a little, you should eat something. It'll help your stomach feel better.

    Are any of your friends from the last job in the area? Maybe you could get together with one or two of them this evening or this weekend. That might help you feel less isolated.

     
    Old 09-30-2005, 11:45 AM   #18
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    Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    ((((((((here4support))))))) I'm having a bad day, too. I know how it feels to work at a job you hate--either because of the job or because of the people. It's terrible, and likely a big cause of the depression.

    I'll be your friend.

    Hugs.

    EoR
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    Old 09-30-2005, 01:22 PM   #19
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    Arrow Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MildDepJeff
    Your husband won't think you're a failure! Don't think that. He loves you and he'll support you no matter what.

    Here, this helps me relax when I'm getting stressed out:

    Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Count to 10 as you breathe in, hold it for 10, and let it out for 10. Clear your mind as you do so, just let your tension and worries out as you exhale. Take a few deep breaths like that. It'll help you calm down and relax. Don't be tricked into thinking about whether it's working or that you can't stop thinking about stuff or anything like that... The point is to take long, slow, calming breaths. Focus on the feel of the air as it goes into your lungs and comes out (that gives your mind something to think about instead of your worries).

    Do that a few times until you can feel the tension going out of you. It helps to close your eyes but depending on your office you don't want to be thought of as sleeping on the job .

    Did you have any time between jobs? Or did you go straight from your last one to this one? The reason I ask is it seems like you're mostly upset about losing the friendships from your last job... the cliquey nature of this new job is also making you upset, but I was wondering if you knew what is the biggest thing you're depressed about? Can you tell how much is from each source?

    That might help you break down the emotions into something you can address... If it is mostly the loss of your friends, then a different job won't make a difference. If it's mostly the environment at the new job, a different job will help.

    WOW MildDepJeff! You certainly do sound like a counselor that I go see. You make a lot of sense and he tells me the exact same thing about breathing, and concentration on the air! OMG! That is so crazy you say what he says LOL

    I've forced myself to stay here today, there have been rough moments and better moments. I also forced some crackers, a diet coke, and a lean budget. I didn't finish the lean budget but at least I attempted to eat it. I'm thinking back now and I think forcing myself to stay here all day was a good idea. At least I sort of worked, and sort of worried. If I were to go home I would just WORRY myself sick.

    Now I have to really think about what I want to do, stay or go. Today it seems everyone is being extra nice to me probably just my imagination. I know this company has great benefits and good pay, nothing spectacular but it is nice. I just don't know why I'm feeling so down.

    The other thing is, I'm late (just a day or two) on my period and my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about 4 months now. My friend is telling me that maybe I am prego and that is why all these emotions seem so overloaded. I dont' know what to think.

    Part of me wants to take a test, and the other part of me wants to just forget that thought, cause I know how depressed I'll end up if I'm not

    Thanks again Jeff, you gave super advice and I'll be coming back again and again for more support.

     
    Old 09-30-2005, 01:23 PM   #20
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    Talking Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by EoR
    ((((((((here4support))))))) I'm having a bad day, too. I know how it feels to work at a job you hate--either because of the job or because of the people. It's terrible, and likely a big cause of the depression.

    I'll be your friend.

    Hugs.

    EoR


    EoR ((((((((hugs))))))))))) for you, thanks for being my friend, I sure could use one today....and always Its been real rough week, I so appreciate the support I'm getting here!

     
    Old 09-30-2005, 01:39 PM   #21
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    Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    That is a funny cooincidence! Although not really that much of a cooincidence because it's not like I made that up myself... It's a meditation technique I read about. But it does help .

    Glad to hear you ate something. Sometimes when you're depressed just forcing yourself to go through the motions of normality can help keep you from feeling worse, even if you don't feel better. That's what I've found anyway.

    Wow I had no idea you were trying to get pregnant... that does add another whole set of emotions onto the pile! Ummmm maybe I'm wrong (not an expert here) but I thought the tests weren't accurate until you were at least two weeks late?

     
    Old 09-30-2005, 02:01 PM   #22
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    Talking Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    MILDDEPJEFF- There is a test out there that can predict up to 5 days before your period.

    Yes I think that by me staying here at work today and forcing myself to go through the motions, I feel a little better. Not 100% but a little.

    I also forced myself to go outside on a break with a few co-workers that smoke, although I don't smoke I needed to step away. I really need to get things clear as to what I want, and I'm just feeling so confused right now

     
    Old 09-30-2005, 02:11 PM   #23
    MildDepJeff
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    Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    OK well shows what I know. Of course my entire knowledge of the subject comes from TV . Pregnancy is not a wise option for my wife so we've never tried.

    You just reminded me of my internship job in college... Me and a couple coworkers would take a "milk break"... when everyone else was outside smoking we'd get a carton of milk from the cafeteria and sit around and drink it and BS. We figured if smoking gets you extra breaks during the day, we ought to be able to take the same breaks without smoking.

    I'm sorry you're so confused and I hope you feel better soon! Sometimes writing can help, have you thought about trying to write down all the things you miss, all the things you wish, etc?

     
    Old 09-30-2005, 02:16 PM   #24
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    Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    Lol. I feel bad. I offer to be here for you and then I have a crisis. I'm sorry about that. I'm better, now, and am ready to be more supportive! I'm going to catch up on your thread a bit.

    BIG HUGS!
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    Old 09-30-2005, 02:34 PM   #25
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    Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    If you're trying to get pregnant, then I really hope you are! I remember when I got pregnant with my son that it had to be just days after I conceived that I started feeling very, very sad and sensitive to everything. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what on Earth was wrong. I mean, I had ups and downs with depression, but I hadn't ever felt just SO weepy and touchy before. That's when I realized I was a day late on my period (yep, one day), took the test, and voila. It was an unplanned pregnancy, so that day found me weeping like mad on the bathroom floor. Now, I have a 2 year old blessing I can't imagine life without! He IS my life. I will cross my fingers for you.

    As far as your work situation, will they just give you the weekend to figure it out? If it seems that people are starting to warm up, it'd be unfair for them to ask you to make a decision over the weekend. Maybe a couple of weeks to think about it and see if the people being nice are sincere? I hated my last job. The people were great, but the job was less than ideal. I really can't do customer service. I'm way too sensitive to deal with grumpy customers. Anyway, I had all the symptoms you do--upset stomach, feelings of dread, depression, and AWFUL insomnia. I couldn't sleep at night because I was always worried about work the next day. Oh, and I DREADED coming off weekends. I went to the doctor for AD's, and tried them out for a little while. Nothing helped. Fortunately, I got a call from my current boss (who I was previously employed by) asking if I wanted my old job back, and I accepted in a heartbeat. I was happy again! Leaving that job WAS the antidepressant I needed. I just wisht he happy would've lasted.... Depression has crept back in, but at least I love the job.

    I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do, and hope that your choice brings you happiness. Please continue to talk with us. It's so nice to meet you.

    Love,

    EoR
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    Old 10-01-2005, 08:31 AM   #26
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    Unhappy Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    Good morning MildDepJeff, EOR and everyone else

    I'm having a terribly emotinal morning. I think I slept about 4 hours last night. The hours I did sleep hardly felt like real rest because I could still feel my mind turning over a song in my head, over playing it again and again, or thinking to myself "do I tell them I want to look for another job, or do I tell them I want to stay" Or thinking about the job I saw that is in the same city I live in but only pays up to $12/hr, when right now I'm making a little over $16/hr. Confused, Confused Confused. I was fine the week before this past week, then I came off the weekend and started to feel really down. Forcing myself to work every day. Crying when no one would look.

    *sigh sigh sigh*......................

    I came home last night and talked to my husband, and he is such a laid back guy. He said that it is just a job, and that if I'm unhappy to leave. The thing is, what happens if I get another job and I'm still unhappy! What do I do, depression sucks. Today I woke up and one minute I feel fine and litereally the next minute I'm so DEPRESSED. I start thinking so negatively....all these horrible thoughts.

    I forced myself to eat breakfast and drink some water, so I don't end up in the hospital like I did back in May. They didn't help me there anyway, all I got out of that was a bunch of bills.

    I have my car out of the garage, going to force myself to wash it. Then I'm going to clean, and I Don't know what else. I feel like I need to keep myself acitvely busy so I don't cry all day. I know I am still going to cry but maybe not all day. I think it would be better if I could just make a decsion and stick with it.

    Maybe I do need to try to write things down. See exactly what it is that is good about the job, and what I dont like about it.

    I went to Walgreens and bought a first response pregnancy test, I guess I should just stop torturing mysefl and take the darn thing. I stll have no signs of my period, and now, after what you said EoR, it could be all these emotions are because maybe I AM pregnant.

    My husband gets irritated really fast when I start crying all the time, he doesn't know what to do or how to deal with it. So I sure hope there are people on here today cause I have a feeling I"m going to need a lot of cyber friends to get me through this!

    I thank you for listening to my Saturday so far.....(if you made it this far with me)

     
    Old 10-01-2005, 09:17 AM   #27
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    Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    Yeah, take the test, and start writing. It'll help because you can get all your thoughts nailed down... otherwise they're just all running around at once in your head.

    Tell your husband what you want him to do when you're crying (I.E. hold you, tell you it's OK, whatever). That'll help him not get irritated because he'll know what to do.

    Good luck! Don't know if I'll have time to post again today but I hope you feel better!

     
    Old 10-01-2005, 03:34 PM   #28
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    Unhappy Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    I took the test and it was negative, no pregnancy. So now I know I'm late because of all the stress I've created for my body.


    I'm very depressed today. I started off ok. I went to the bank, washed both our cars, and did a pedicure and manicure for my mom.

    After she left my husband and I went to Walmart. After Walmart, I started feeling really DOWN again, just really thinking. I have been thinking all day but its bad now. I broke down really bad in front of my husband, I was crying and saying "ouch" like something was physcially hurting me but really it is just my heart feels so heavy, I was saying it hurt. He hugged me after about 15min. I think I'll tell him that I need him to hug me when I cry and tell me it is going to be ok.

    He said that I will probably get a new job and break down the same way and that hurt me. I feel so hopeless. Parts of me just wants to die. I know it isn't that bad, but man I feel like it is.

    One minute I have myself convinced I will make it through the day Monday and the next minute I'm asking myself why I should stay at a job where I need to convince myself of anything.

    Right now I just want to SCREAM, I feel like I want to go in a hole and stay there and not feel any pain.

    I have to now go force myself to eat dinner, but before I do-here are a few thoughts I've been thinking...

    1. The people at my job aren't the most socialable, but they aren't "mean" either.

    2. I know my job, and I can do it, I don't have to worry about not knowing what I'm doing

    3. I don't like the fact that I have to back up my boss when she is out it may not be that often, but her JOB sucks I absolutely hate it, and I was told I'm the one that has to back her up. She already knows I'm not crazy about it.

    4. They think that they have went above and beyond what they can do to make me feel comfortable. (I disagree, I think they have been nice and accomodating, but nothing above or beyond like they say)

    5. My husband says "Its just a job, start looking for something else" I wish I could be so laid back about it......


    I feel so helpless, and hopeless yet at the same time I do realize that I'm the only one that can control my emotions. I'm so tired of being tired. I'm so tired of being sick, sad and depressed.

    Something I truly don't understand, is how is it that for about a month I was just fine, I was going there to work, no problem, sleeping at night, eating, not even giving it a second thought....I'd always have "Oh no its Monday syndrome" but I have always been that way, I never want to go back to work on MOndays.

    Gosh I sure wish someone was here to talk to me, as I feel so LOW I can't hardly stand it, I don't know where to goooooooooooo, what to dooooooooo..........

     
    Old 10-02-2005, 06:59 AM   #29
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    Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    Sounds like your job, from a purely what-you-do-for-work aspect, is a pretty good fit. You don't like the backing up your boss part, but I've always had SOME part of a job that I didn't like. As long as you like 90+% of it, that's about as good as you can probably expect as far as that goes.

    I would suggest talking to a doctor... I mean, I was kinda the same way, I would get really really down over something, and really when you looked at my situation I should have been fine. My psychiatrist put me on anti-depressants for a while just to help me get back to normal and get through the current stressful period. It sounds like maybe you could use something like that. I know you said Lexapro didn't seem to do anything for you but there are tons of different ADs out there and sometimes it just takes a few tries before you find the right one for you. I know it took me like 8 medicines before I found the right migraine medicine... Everyone's brain is a little bit different.

    Also, I mean, I don't want to be telling you how to live your life or anything... but it might help to kinda relax on the whole "trying" thing for a while until you have your depression taken care of. One thing at a time, you know?

     
    Old 10-03-2005, 09:46 AM   #30
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    Re: I'm so confused and Depressed PLEASE HELP ME

    ((((((((((here4support)))))))

    Hi, sweetie. Sorry about such a sad weekend, and sorry Monday is here. I hope it isn't too rough on you. I wanted to comment on something you said: "I know I'm the one that can control my emotions." I'm not so sure, when it comes to depression, that we really *can* control them. That's part of the illness. My boyfriend and I talk about the depression a lot, and he said the only was he can really undertand it, is to liken it to any other illness, and think, "She can't control the tears that roll down her cheeks anymore than I can will away phleghm in my lungs." It's true. I really can't make the depression go away just because I want it to, and I have to remember to go easy on myself when I'm beating myself up over the way I feel. You can be gentle on yourself to, and remind yourself that you are not choosing to feel the way you feel, and that you can't just snap out of it at your will. I think Jeff is right, and that you could benefit from seeing a professional and discussing options. I was on Lexapro and it didn't help me at all, and I've been scared to try anything else--but that doesn't mean something else wouldn't help. There may be something out there for you.

    I'm so sorry you're not pregnant. I've had false results on pregnancy tests before.... I don't want to get your hopes up, but there's still that small chance. If you're late on your period for some other reason (and it may not be stress) your emotions could be hormonally releated it some other way. That may be another good reason to see a doctor.

    Please check in today, if you can. I'll be crossing my fingers for you.

    Wishing you a calm and tear-free week.

    Love,

    Andrea
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