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The Downward Spiral

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Old 10-01-2005, 11:37 AM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 324
sk777 HB User
The Downward Spiral

Been a while since I've been here, though I used to be on the addiction & recovery message board. Really, profoundly depressed and hooked on benzos/ambien, does anyone know if they make you more depressed?

Finally seeing a pdoc for meds & therapy, though she thinks I need to go 4X/wk, did I mention I'm a student and she's not on my insurance plan?

At least 100 times a day I say I hate my life and I think stupid things like if I went away I wouldn't have to worry about the bugs in my apartment anymore. I work 12 - 14 hours, come home, take a pill and hide in my bed w/ a book until I'm so tired I fall asleep. On the weekends I want to go to work but my back hurts and I'm tired. Can't even muster the energy to get in the shower. Being with people makes me feel better for a little while, but not for long. My best friend moved away and since then I am totally antisocial.

Between the 2-3 migraines per week and pinched nerves in my back and neck, I'm in some kind of constant pain. I've been taking care of myself since I was 11 I think I want someone to take care of me so I can hide. I'm terrified I'm going to end up like Howard Hughes (I just saw the Aviator) except w/o the money.

Anyway, why am I here? I guess I want to know that there is someone out there who can relate.

Last edited by sk777; 10-30-2005 at 10:47 AM.

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Old 10-01-2005, 04:51 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 1,539
Samantha317 HB User
Re: The Downward Spiral

Yes, benzos can make depression worse. It's a catch 22 when you have anxiety which leads to depression or vice versa.

I have always thought if you weren't depressed before you see a psychiatrist you *will* be when you get their bill. Will your insurance pay for In patient? It's just a thought.

I haven't seen The Aviator, I would like to.

I don't know what to think about your psychiatrist. It seems that 4 x a week is quite a bit. If you don't feel comfortable with her and feel that you can't be completely honest, I would suggest finding one that you can.

Best wishes,

Old 10-01-2005, 06:35 PM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix AZ
Posts: 1,339
lilc HB User
Re: The Downward Spiral

sk777, I've never been to this board before, I'm from the MS board. Just feeling like my life has been a total waste, thought this board might be a more appropriate place to come.
Re: "pdocs". Did a lot of time with them. Meds, weekly sessions for years, all out of pocket because my insurance never covered them. My personal opinion (and I am FULL of bias and completely jaded at 48) is that someone who thinks a student should see them 4X a week is not considering your total well-being. She must be insane.
My other personal opinion is that I never made real progress with therapists that LIKED me. I actually got something out of the 2 that ended up in shouting matches...I really am very strange, sorry.
Hope you can get the meds straightened out.

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