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I feel depressed but compared to everyone elses problem I feel selfish

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Old 10-06-2005, 06:00 PM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1
pleasehelpme31 HB User
Angry I feel depressed but compared to everyone elses problem I feel selfish

I am new at Healthboards, and actually I just signed up today. I don't really think I am very depressed like everyone else. I eat well, and I do lots of exercise, and I get pretty good grades. But I go to a very hard public high school, and I'm not sure if the homework the people, or that I don't have many friends (I just moved from across the US from the west coast to the east coast a year ago), but lately I have been feeling very pressued from lots of things. For instance, today, I got many grades back on quizzes, and they were much lower then my expectations because I thought they were fairly simple, and that I could easily Ace them. And so today I started silently crying during my Geometry class, but thankfully no one saw me. I also started crying again during my piano lesson today. I know that I started crying because I felt so pressued because of all my homework, and because I don't have classes with anyone I know so I feel lonely (I don't have many friends since I moved, like I did on the west coast). Also, when I moved, we didn't get our own house. We share the house with my mom's best friend from college, and her daughter who moved here from Taiwan. She is really annoying sometimes, and she has classes with all my friends, while I have classes with no one I know, which really bugs me everytime she talks about them. Also, I miss my dad a lot. He lives in California, where we came from, and he has a really good job there, and my mom, brother, and I only get to see him when school has breaks. He and my mom aren't divorced or anything. They love each other very much.

But then again, when I'm thinking about all these things, I start thinking about people who are so much worse off then me, and how blessed I have been by God. There are other kids at my school who don't have any friends at all. And then there are those who are always trying to get good grades, but they get frustrated, because they can't get the right answer. Then there are those that moved here from Taiwan, and other countries, who can barely speak the language (at least I can), and are really timid and shy. Then there are those kids who have no dad, like the people we share our house with, their Dad is in Taiwan, and they aren't divorced, but they don't keep in touch like my dad does. I feel so sorry for these people, that it makes me cry more because I feel so selfish that I'm taking my anger out on my mom and other people, when there are other people that are far off worse then me. What can I do to start thinking how lucky I am because it affects me a lot. I can't concentrate, because I'm always thinking about how unlucky I am, and then how selfish I am, and then I can't do homework, or even practice piano, or concentrate in class. Please help. Thanks. Oh yes, and sorry if sometimes you don't understand, what I'm saying. It's hard for me to explain things. But thanks a lot.

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Old 10-06-2005, 07:34 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Northwest
Posts: 132
belize HB User
Re: I feel depressed but compared to everyone elses problem I feel selfish

Play the piano. Yes. Seriously. Develop what talents God gave you. You sre right about how others have what seems to be more serious problems and we must help them when we can.

But. Our own hurdles are why we are here and the grace that comes from facing them is beyond explanation. Walk your path, feel for others as you do, and pull your socks up every damb morning and do your best.

I feel so much strength of personality in your post. Heart, Compassion and yes, love for human foibles. You are doing well. I am sorry you had to move and all seems strange. It is temporary. Love your history.


Old 10-06-2005, 08:36 PM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,410
cookiepls HB User
Re: I feel depressed but compared to everyone elses problem I feel selfish

I never had much of a chance to make friends in school. I felt like you do except it was all the time. My grades suffered badly because each new school I went to was at a different level than the last one, plus I needed glasses and didn't know it. I understand your struggle...and your feelings of guilt and selfishness for thinking you're not being grateful enough.

It's good that you care about others, but don't feel guilty because your situation may seem less significant than someone else's. There will alway be someone worse off than the next. Right now, you need to figure out what you can do to improve things for yourself.

I noticed something very interesting while reading your post. You really do seem to care about others who may be less fortunate, or who are themselves struggling with their own issues. I think you already possess the tools for making new friends. How about tutoring someone who's struggling in a subject that you feel pretty confident about. Or those people you mentioned from Taiwan and other countries. They're probably having a hard time learning a foreign language, and if they're timid and shy, then they're not going to be bold enough to approach someone new. Maybe you could be the one to make them feel less alone in a country that's somewhat foreign to them. By helping others, you automatically help yourself. People will begin to see you as aproachable and friendly. They'll feel safe around you, and after a while, you'll have more friends than you have time in a day. Let's face it, changing schools is unpleasant, and it's awful to feel alone in a new city and new school. I know there are others around you who would love to make a new friend.

We moved to L.A. in June. We have no family here, and we didn't know anyone. The suberb where we live is about 95% Mexican. We didn't speak any Spanish. My husband was working and I was here at home all day, feeling completely alone. Even though I can work from home, I decided to go to work with my husband. That's where I met some really fantastic people.

Now fast forward about 4 months. We've been invited to a baby shower, gone 4-wheeling, been invited to bar-b-ques, etc., and my husband and I have made more friends in four months than we made in a year back home. We've both learned more Spanish than we would've ever learned back home. I get free Spanish lessens from my co-workers and I give them English lessons. Sometimes it gets hilarious when we pronounce something wrong, or they pronounce something wrong.

Instead of feeling jealous about your roommate having classes with your friends, (pretty normal feelings by the way), why not include her as a friend? Even annoying people can have good qualities. Also, pay attention to the people in your classes. Try to notice who seems a little shy or who doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. Start by showing them friendliness, and you'll start seeing more people approaching you. You need to make the first move. Nothing can take the place of your dad, but being surrounded by a lot of friends can make the time until you see him again go much quicker. It'll also give you a more positive outlook and that will help your grades. I doubt the school is too hard for you. You're just too stressed to be at your best right now. Besides making a lot of friends by being friendly yourself, you'll be much less likely to feel depressed. Even if you have good self-esteem, it'll become even better, and you can say good-riddence to the stress.

I'm sorry for such a looooong post, but seriously, I can relate to what you're probably feeling. It took me a long time to figure out how to handle it, but once I did, everything changed for the better. Good luck.

Old 10-07-2005, 12:15 AM   #4
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 22
nickia HB User
Re: I feel depressed but compared to everyone elses problem I feel selfish

Don't beat yourself up about how bad other have it. It doesn't make you selfish that you feel bad about your own problems...only human. There are always going to be people who are worst off then you are. But you do sound like a very caring person and Im willing to bet that if you could solve the worlds problems you would. But you cant... so take care of yourself. You DO have allot to contribute and the best way of doing that is to help yourself out first. That in no way makes you selfish.

Last edited by nickia; 10-07-2005 at 12:16 AM.

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