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  • I've lost all hope..

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    Old 10-24-2002, 08:37 PM   #16
    AnotherOne
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    Ahh, I wish I could really really feel reassurance...
    maybe cause im exhausted and I have a headache.. I keep goin back and forth through that thinking, and I know I cant make my self feel love and just...those type of feelings... I miss those feelings I hope everything will get back to normal...etc etc...I really wanna sleep for like a week...that'll be great...wish me luck n' prayers.. I hope I dont start panicking like I was today...it was horrible..

     
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    Old 10-24-2002, 09:08 PM   #17
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    Um...honestly, sleep only helps...
    I cant listen to music anymore (music was my fav thing)...its all irritating...i cant really read...watching tv is hard...even trying to fall asleep is hard and i have a huge headache now...
    Um...i cant think of anything...i think i made the anxiety worse or something cause of the thinking...you should of seen me a couple of hours..i was on the floor and stuff...
    But um...I could play "pool" on yahoo.com...but im really tired and i really wanna go to bed..
    I assure you the minute I'm stable, Ill be flooding this board with love, hah....when I feel it though...

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 12:21 AM   #18
    Megherc
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    Insomnia is one of the listed adverse effects of Wellbutrin so if you want sleep maybe this med isn't a good choice?

    Also headaches, agitation, heart-racing, changes in appetite, confusion...anything here ring a bell?

    I know you obviously had problems before this med but consider the possibility it could be making things worse. At any rate, do a thorough web search on the internet and take adverse/side effects seriously even if your doctor doesn't. It may have not had enough time to reach "peak" effect but it has had enough time to effect you at any rate.

    [This message has been edited by Megherc (edited 10-25-2002).]

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 05:35 AM   #19
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    Quote:
    Originally posted by Megherc:
    Insomnia is one of the listed adverse effects of Wellbutrin so if you want sleep maybe this med isn't a good choice?

    Also headaches, agitation, heart-racing, changes in appetite, confusion...anything here ring a bell?

    I know you obviously had problems before this med but consider the possibility it could be making things worse. At any rate, do a thorough web search on the internet and take adverse/side effects seriously even if your doctor doesn't. It may have not had enough time to reach "peak" effect but it has had enough time to effect you at any rate.

    [This message has been edited by Megherc (edited 10-25-2002).]
    Hi...
    Yeah...ive had those...but then im nto sure if its me doin those things or is it depression... im really confused right now... hah.
    I dont realy feel like my self I guess, but then I get scared that I have to fix my self w/o any help..
    It sucks cause just...I hope these emotions/thoughts go away and its not like its really me thinking them...*shrugs* i dont know..
    I slept really bad...imma have a headache...and my mom gave me a bigger docage..I think 200mg or something? I dont remember...
    It sucks cause I wanna be able to be the girl that I was, and I dont want it to affect my relationship and everything...So again I hope I'm not changing.. Cause I"m not sure WHAT to think...
    Its like...I wake up and my emotions feel flat...I suppose, and then I think that its really me feeling this way or something... Its such a confusing thing, and I dont want it messing everythin up..

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 10:47 AM   #20
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    chrysanthemum,
    So if I start believing the thinkig patterns or what umentioned, will the medications help me feel the same way again??
    =\ Everyone feels like a stranger to me and im not my self at all...Im beginning to start again w/ the thinking and believing it all and I'm scared

    [This message has been edited by AnotherOne (edited 10-25-2002).]

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 11:53 AM   #21
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    You know, there are things other than meds that could help. First off, a good therapist (there are some out there) could maybe get to the bottom of what started these feelings and fears..also, they have published studies that confirm regular, vigorous exercise and fish oil supplements are as effective as most antidepressants in combating depression!! Maybe you could give that a try if the Wellbutrin doesn't work out...but taper it if you decide to drop it though because there are withdrawal symptoms, even if you have been on it a short time you still need to be cautious...docs always downplay the power of these meds as habit. Good luck to you.


     
    Old 10-25-2002, 12:21 PM   #22
    AnotherOne
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    ^thank you...
    I'm really worried that the things I'm believing now and feeling/thinkin etc, is what i really am and that the meds wont help...
    Cause everybody seems like a complete stranger and its scaring me

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 04:50 PM   #23
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    Im sorry but I really need to know if this is depression or what
    I'm so confused and i think im going crazy...I cant concentrate at alll....
    I dont know if I have depression or if Im in denial..
    I feel numb or I dont know, maybe I just dont care..
    I feel nothing...I dont know...I dont know what to think anymore. Im so scared... IM so sorry i dont wanna sound selfish, I jsut dont know what to think anymore. one min. i think that i never loved my bf and i was just using him all this time, and the next minute i just think that this depression is causin this...
    Is it true that because of depression you are disconnecting from whats causin u pain or something?? Im so scared that i dont love him anymore...i cant even feel anything...
    What if I"m just in denial or something? what if ill be stuck like this always? I honestly dont know who I am or what i want, or what...I'm soo scared... Someone please help me
    Im rude to everybody and im not sure how im supposed to feel anymore...I honestly dont... I know ppl have it much worse, but i feel so confsued and paranoid that I just want to disappear...i dont know what to do anymore, or what im really feeling...or if i was denial the whole time... I really dont know.. its like its getting worse...I dont know

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 07:14 PM   #24
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    i personally think it's the depression. it works on your mind and makes you feel and behave the ways you don't want to. i have read the posts but i forgot if you are seeing a therapist?

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 07:35 PM   #25
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    i was at first, but i wasnt on any meds and i was blowin things out of proportion and crying over everything...so once the meds kick in i prolly will...

    Guys, i'm so terrified... Its like I dont know what i want anymore, if I even had depression and iw as just making it up...what if im just changing and was always so selfish so i took advantage of my bf for all of this time? i feel like a totally different person and im scared...i keep telling my self not to believe it, but its like there and botherin me... At fist i couldnt feel any love, i felt numb from all emotions, so theni thought that i didnt love him, then i thought i did, then its like i believed what i was thinking...
    Is this possible to happen? Im soo scared....I just want to disappear because I just want to make my bf happy and i dont know if im the same person and i keep snapping at everyone...I dont know anymore.
    Are you guys sure that the meds will make me okay again? I dont even know what I want...I think I'm in denial or something, but then if i think that, i might think that its jsut an excuse because im so selfish and concieded or something...
    *sigh*
    I dunno if theres any hope for me.

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 07:43 PM   #26
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    will this ever end?? im so confused...*sigh* i dont even know if i was ever the real me, or if i was such a stupid and selfish person... i wont be stuck this way will i? and even if i start believing the stuff thats in my head, will they go away? i want them to so bad i dont know what to do anymore, its so hard faling asleep cause i feel so guilty...
    what if i made everything up and im just a liar who never loved?? im such a mean person lately i dont know what to believe... maybe i wasnt meant to feel love or something....*sigh* its like my heart turned cold or something like that.....Christ....
    I dont know what to do
    Please tell me that this will go away. I feel numb as though everything is okay, but then i feel different...so then i think that im just cured and that i never cared....I dont understand...
    Could my mind be doing this by itself so i wont feel hurt?? Or something??
    Could the meds be making me confused and paranoid?
    God...I dont want this to hurt my relationship...its hard enough that he's busy working, and I just want to give him so much love and just appreciate everything about him.... I dont know what to do I want to cry but I honestly cant anymore...I dont know whats wrong with me, or if I really did have depression in the first place....

    [This message has been edited by AnotherOne (edited 10-25-2002).]

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 07:45 PM   #27
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    Another, I'm not sure how old you are but I can tell you this - people DO change. Sometimes it's for the better. We all grow up and maybe you are changing, and maybe your feelings for your b/f are changing. That's NOT neccessarily a bad thing! Maybe you are just growing apart - that happens too. I think you need to concentrate on YOU for awhile, and not worry about making him or anyone else "happy" right now. I know that I tend to be a giver - I want everyone else to be happy and everything to be perfect - at my own expense. I give until there is nothing more of me to give, and I burn out.

    My therapist explained it to me this way - see yourself as a glass of water. Every time your b/f, or your mom, or dad, or friends need something, you take a little water out of the glass. Unless you fill it back up with things that YOU like and want and need - the glass will be empty before long. That's when you "burn out" - you need to refuel, you need to fill YOUR glass up. Let someone else pour some "water" in - accept the love that's given to you and put it in your "glass", then you'll have more to give away. Does that make sense?

    The most important thing is to try and be happy with YOURSELF before you try and make anyone else happy.

    Now, do as I say, not as I've been doing lately. {{{{Hugs}}}}

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 07:47 PM   #28
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    ^I dont know
    WHen i was on lexapro it worked really good and I did feel those things for my bf...for everyone, i was smiling all day and stuff... I keep changing moods so much..
    Now i was taken off of it for a week because it messed up my liver...and the depression got even worse that week, and now im on medication that works slower...so its harder...*sigh*
    I feel like I want to die...I dont want to deal w/ this confusing and stuff anymore...

    [This message has been edited by AnotherOne (edited 10-25-2002).]

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 07:49 PM   #29
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    Oh and by the way! It's OK to be selfish when you are sick!!! And depression IS a disease. If you had a cold, you would let your family and b/f take care of you, wouldn't you? You'd let them bring you soup and medicine and all that good stuff. So just remember, this is an illness, and it CAN and will get better - but until it does, let others pamper you when they offer. Don't turn them away, even if you just want to be left ALONE!! I know that's how I felt all day today - my SO/BF was being so sweet, and I just laid in bed and cried and cried and wouldn't even speak to him. I felt like you - like my heart was STONE COLD. Luckily he is learning when not to push me too far, and he left for the night (after making sure I would be "ok" - not hurt myself) and he went out with his son for awhile. He just paged me and said he was on his way home & had a "surprise" for me. I'm not really in the MOOD for surprises, but he is just trying to help me feel better and I am "sick" so I need to let him try. Ya know? I hope you feel better soon!

     
    Old 10-25-2002, 07:57 PM   #30
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    Sweetie,
    Depression can change everything about us I was feeling the same way you are about how stupid you feel first of all your not stupid at all!! I seem me in you every day.. you need to look at yourself and tell yourself positive things like well for instance I sing and I feel like I sing well so I say to myself Renee' you are a good singer and I try to be positive its not easy and who knows what kind of mood I am going to be end one day from the other but for now I am trying to feel better about myself.. I felt ugly and fat and I am feeling much better sure I am going to have my ups and downs thats part of having cyclothimia hun I have been praying for you and everyone else on here that have been going through so much take it day by day maybe it is changing for you and your b/f it happens every day I am a single woman and I have been through mostly abusive relationships and I realized something I am ok without someone yeah I get lonely but I am surviving hang in there sweetie and Here is a big hug for you thinking of you in this time of need
    ((((((anotherone))))))

     
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