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-   -   Anyone feel this way / Do I tell the DR ?? (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/depression/36021-anyone-feel-way-do-i-tell-dr.html)

Toomuch 11-20-2002 09:31 AM

Anyone feel this way / Do I tell the DR ??
 
I am new here, I am 36 years old with a 17 yr.old 13 yr.old and an 3 yr. old ((Boys)) Just a little back ground.

I been seeing the Dr. for 8 year, Anixity/Panic ..
First I coudn't except something was wrong with me. Then I did, then I didn't want meds. Then I took them..

I "was" on many meds, but could deal with the problem, been on Xanax for 6 years, 3mg. a/day.

I go to Ruth Copper, Dr's come and go so it's hard to ope up. We are poor, and the price of meds keep me from talking also. I just asy I am doing fine, every 3 month, get get my meds...

Well,, I can't handle it, Afraid of new meds. Afraid, I could lose my kids, I been married for 14 years, (SWEETY) Arfaid of what he will think.

I been in 14 childrens homes as a child. I know how to act. Father Raped me since birh till 9yrs. old. Raped in the foster homes. Parents gave me up. Mother is crazy, she also worshipped the devil. Try to short this up..

Okay now,,,, I can't sleep 5 am, and up by 9am,, bad dreams,,, very bad.
Voices, And I am talking to myself in a battle, like fighting,I wish it would end.
My mind races sooo much. Like I am on speed..
I don't do drugs or drink. I have drank for excape but it doesn't work for me. I want to be a good mom. I can cry so easy, but I will fight and fight it,, tears will omebut I holdback alot.
I am sooo easily up set.
I am jummpy.
angry a lot
my mood changes so so smuch !!!!!
I wan to be incontrol of my Husband, and he lets me.
I can feel like no oe loves me, I know my husband does, but will he keep loveing me, if he knew (ALL) of my problems. I want to make other hapy all the time. That is a high for me. Even if I am crying inside.

I am a hipper person, The Xanax does slow down the Anixity or Panic attacks. Thats it.. It does not help me deal with oher problems.

We are so poor, I have to by extra tolet paper,, stuff we need, but I must have extra.. Husband will not let me have the money, card, check book. We would be homeless if he did.

I will clean like crazy,, things are gross, can't touch it. Can't use bathrooms in other places. Can't eat food I feel weird about..

I will get once a week or less, I will get a don't care if the house is claen, Depressed, I will then claen like It is grossssss. Chills up my back, I can throw up, andI have thrown up before.

CAN NOT drive afr at all, just a few blocks. Shopping is Helll. I will go at the time when the less people are there. If someone touches me I will die, I have left my cart, I have not been able to get out of the car.

EDGE of reality// I am freaking, like is this my hand, is this my face, I am not real, I am in a dream nigtmear. TRIPPING OUT. Everyone leave me alone (family) Talk talk talk to myself, Pretend to be what I think I should be. I am not a person, I am I at times see myself as another person, and I am helping her out.

I lie, I tell everyone I am fine. (I) Iam just what they see !!!

I can't go fast enough, my mind goes and goes, I talk so fast so I can get out what I have to say, but I never get it all out. I will crash ad lose o, Off to hide, in the bathroom.. Where is safty ????

I can be happy,I can feel good but what is that, why does it change so fast,,, I lost my mind..

People does Know I am weird,, I tell them it is a attack or Idon't feel well.

I don't work, I have 2 friends. They know very little about me.. I could never tell them, Hell I can't tell myself. I don't even know,,, I know nothing. I know everything. I am tell you cause you may know or understand. I need to tell my Dr I may copy this for him.

I tryed to kill myself twice, but not for these 8 years. I been it the hospital for a week cause I wanted to die, thats when I was just strating to find help,, but I couldn't tell them everything. Afraid they would keep me....
DRugs,, how do I lknow REALLY know what is Normal.. Afraid of drugs,,, but now I have a 3 year old I am with,, I am trying but I am not a good mom,, I am a good mom. I am so sad !!!!!!

I am so angry and mean.. I am nothing. I have done so much wrong in my life, Anfair on my husband, and I told him,, he still loved me weird, I will not do that to him again. I will ie first. So much bad in me,, yet lots of good..I am tooo much !!!

I can't remember crap,, people think I am weird cause I JUST CAN'T remember... I don't want people to think I am weird !!!!!!!!

I will hear things that others don't hear.. I have learned to watch others to see what do. I hold back,I hide alot of what is going on.. I see and feel things that re not there... This dream,, wake me up.. The things I see are blurs, shadows, so I understand it's me,, but it drives me crazy. So jumpy...

I tryed and try Chruch can't keep going cause I am to bad.. Not that way bad, just not good enough. I pray pray everynight. I believe in GOD !!! I know he loves me,,, But I am on this earth,, death is good thing to me,,,but I will live for my family as long as I can keep the shield up from them,, yet they know some,, but not much.....

People are watching me.. I think they know I am weird, can't handle people,, unless on a good day,, I can , but it's just to please them. I don't know what is real,, What about my children,, I love them,, I will give them the mom I never had... Play Play... I am good at that, but somedays I ask for help. Have to get away... I cry saying this !!!!!!!!!!!!!

One thing I have learned for the panic attack is when I have this weird tase in my month, it cming, or the smel in my nose, it is werd. My blood, or heart goes faster and faster,, I try to get busy, or it will hit my to fast and Real to not real anymore... I will come back I will, Then I do.. Bac to what I have known to be.. Still off, but not so much.

SO IRRITATED AND BOTHERED WITH EVERYTHING!!!

OHHH, I have to stop now,,, The realness of this thing called live. I am happy I have laundry and cleaning to do to day... Mind break..............

Okay,,, I said it as well as I can.. I am not rereading it. sorry about the spelling. I look at the keyboard, not the screen..

ANYONE,, Whats wrong with me ????

ANYONEONE,, Do I tell my dr this to I copy and give it to him (them)???????

Will I be locked up ???

I am going to copy and paste this around, I go to the Dr. Monday the 25th...

Thank you for anywords you may say... Easier comingfrom a computor than a face !!



[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 11-20-2002).]

Delphi 11-20-2002 10:20 AM

Dear Toomuch,

I am soo sorry to read of your troubles and pain.

I think you should copy this message and take it to your doctor. I bet changing doctors a lot makes it really hard to keep them up to date as to how you feel, so this would be really helpful to your doctor.

It must be so hard to see and hear things that others don't. i know that it would scare me to death. i'm glad that you know they are hallucinations, but it would still scare the crap out of me and i'm sure it does you too. You should be pretty proud of how you keep it together, with looking to others for their reactions, but i'm sure there's a medicine that would help, surely there is. You should not have to go thru this!

Please, please copy your message and let your doctor see it, so that he/she can help you. You can't do it alone! Monday is right around the corner.

I know firsthand that medicines can be very scary, but once you find theright one, it's worth it. Be brave.

My heart pours out to you and i wish i could help you more. Please write and let us know how everything is going.


Much Love,
Delphi



scrappymum 11-20-2002 02:12 PM

Dear Toomuch - I'm glad that you got in touch with these boards - they have been a great help to me these past few weeks (severe depression). Yes, I agree that you should print out what you wrote and take it to the doctor. As a registered nurse, I can tell you that, here in Canada, a person can only be "locked up" if they plan on harming themself or someone else. I don't get that impression from you; you have been through absolute HELL and are still here......hang in there, OK? Talk to us when you are at the end of your rope.......and talk to the doctor.

lanalane 11-20-2002 03:02 PM

(((((toomuch)))) hugs!

Please print this out and take it to your dr. THey can't lock you up unless you're going to hurt yourself or someone else, and if they do the won't keep you long. Hospitals just aren't like that anymore (thank God!) Also, you said you can't pay for medication. Are you eligible for medicaid? There are free drug programs available that your dr should know about if not you can search on the internet for free prescription assistance there are a lot of these programs available!!! Don't be afraid to try the meds. If you get on the right ones you will be amazed at the difference your life will be!!! I'm a completely different person when I'm on mine (and a much more likeable person!)

Good luck! :)

Crazy in College 11-20-2002 06:23 PM

You should talk to your doctor...I've heard that doctors are finding out some bad stuff about Xanax. Talk to your doc!

Toomuch 11-20-2002 08:33 PM

Delphi,, Thank you !!
I did write bad. I rewrote it... That was so hads for me !!!!!!!!!!!!
I am giving it to my Dr.
Megherc, I been this way before I started Xanax. I just could come to tell the Dr.s everything going on with me... They knew a little, but the drugs scared me, so I told them I was fine. A break from panic attacks was a big help. I went down to 2 Xanax's a/day instead of 3. I know what the withdrawal symptoms are... Yes, hard , but not what this crap is all about. I think I got worse because I have a 3 year old, and he is a hand full. I so want to be a good Mom. I have to give myself more and more "breaks" from him... I love my children !!

Scrappymum,, Now I am okay,, but I fear I may end up harming my son. I have hit him in the face twice.. Kills me to say that. But I am tell someone, you guys. So Your help does help me.. I am not alone.

Lanalane, 8 years ago I was on the hospital for a week. It is freaky to me !! My 13 and 3 year old is on medicaid.. I am not, or my husband. It's around 150 aweek for my husbands job. That is just for him. Crappy insurance. He makes 390 before taxes. See we don't have much money for a family of 5. ( His boss is nice and helps us out with early vacation pay, 2 weeks worth, and some sick days paid) He has been there over 8 years.. Hard for him to change jobs.. He thinks I can or will work some day,,, NOT !!!! Ruth Copper is on a sliding scale. 15 dollars a visit,, meds are full price.. By the way I live in Florida. Don't know what help I can get. For my children I need it.

I found out some things about my Mother, first, my grandma was ill too !!!
I Can't spell ,, so I will do my best here)~~~ Sorry~~~~
My Mother is on SSI (?) all here stuff is paid for.. She has Anixity / Pairanoid / and Skitsofrenic. Her meds is (SPELL?) Triville, Surax, Triviavon. I will try to get help with the spelling. I guess she didn't worship the devil, it was a empty room for the ghosts to write her letters... What ever, more weird crap,, don't want to go there....
I will tell my Dr about my family history, it might help ???
I have back problems and took a mild vicoden and muscel relaxer. I feel calmer, can you tell.

I should add that I had pre cancer cells on my cervix, and surgy around 5/6 years ago. I was in lost of pain 3 months ago and went to the ER, Well they think I have cancerin my uterus. I haven't had a pap for 4 years. I CAN NOT go to the doctor, my freakness stops me from going.. So a lot is going on, Guess I need to tell my Mental Dr this too. I don't have a family Dr.
I rewrote my letter for the Dr. You can skip it if you want. I wrote in earilier and that was hard. But I think It's wrote better this time. I was paste it,, but FIRST Thank you ssssooooooooooooo MUCH !!!!!!!!!
This is what I will copy for the Doctor:
I am new here, I am 36 years old with a 17 yr.old 13 yr.old and an 3 yr. old ((Boys)) Just a little back ground. This is me for many many years,, Survuval !!!!!!???!!!!

I been seeing the Dr. for 8 years (?), Anixity/Panic ..
First I couldn't except something was wrong with me. Then I did, then I didn't want meds. Then I took them..

I "was" on many meds, but couldn't deal with the problem, been on Xanax for 6 years, 3mg. a/day.

I go to Ruth Copper, Dr's come and go so it's hard to open up. We are poor, and the price of meds keep me from talking also. I just say I am doing fine. every 3 month, get get my meds...

Well,, I can't handle it, Afraid of new meds. Afraid, I could lose my kids, I been married for 14 years, (SWEETY) Arfaid of what he will think.

I been in 14 childrens homes as a child. I know how to act. Father Raped me since birh till 9yrs. old. Raped in the foster homes. Parents gave me up. Mother is crazy, she also worshipped the devil. Try to short this up..

Okay now,,,, I can't sleep,, 5 am, and up by 9am,, bad dreams,,, very bad. Just like it IS REAL !!
Voices I hear , And I am talking to myself in a battle, like fighting. I wish it would end.
My mind races sooo much. Like I am on speed..
I don't do drugs or drink. I have drank for excape but it doesn't work for me. I want to be a good mom.
I can cry so easy, but I will fight and fight it,, tears will come, but I hold back alot.
I am sooo easily up set.
I am jummpy.
angry a lot
my mood changes so so smuch !!!!!
I wan to be incontrol of my Husband, and he lets me.
I can feel like no one loves me, I know my husband does, but will he keep loveing me, if he knew (ALL) of my problems.
I want to make others happy all the time. That is a high for me. Even if I am crying inside.
I do not belong in this world. People on this earth are not like me. I am not from earth. I do not belong.....
I am a hiper person, The Xanax does slow down the Anixity or Panic attacks. Thats it.... It does not help me deal with oher problems.

We are so poor, I have to by extra tolet paper, laundra soap, shampoo, trash bags, ect, stuff we need, but I must have extra !!! Husband will not let me have the money, card, check book. We would be homeless if he did.

I will clean like crazy,, things are gross, can't touch it. Can't use bathrooms in other places. Can't eat food I feel weird about..

Once a week or less, I will get a don't care feeling if the house is clean, Depressed, I will then clean like It is grossssss. Chills up my back, I can throw up, and I have thrown up before.

CAN NOT drive far at all, just a few blocks. Shopping is Helll. I will go at the time when the less people are there. If someone touches me I will die!!!! I have left my cart, I have not been able to get out of the car.

EDGE of reality// I am freaking, like is this my hand?? is this my face?? I am not real !! I am in a dream nigtmear. TRIPPING OUT. Everyone leave me alone (family) Talk talk talk to myself, Pretend to be what I think I should be. I am not a person. At times see myself as another person, and I am helping her out.

I lie, I tell everyone I am fine. (I) I am just what they see !!!

I can't go fast enough, my mind goes and goes, I talk so fast so I can get out what I have to say, but I never get it all out. I will crash and lose it, Off to hide, in the bathroom..
Where is safety ????

I can be happy, I can feel good but what is that, why does it change so fast,,, I lost my mind..

People do Know I am weird,, I tell them it is a attack or I don't feel well.

I don't work, I have 2 friends. They know very little about me.. I could never tell them, Hell I can't tell myself. I don't even know,,, I know nothing. I know everything.
I am tell you cause you may know or understand.
I need to tell my Dr I may copy this for him.

I tryed to kill myself twice, but not for these 8 years ago. I been it the hospital for a week cause I wanted to die, thats when I was just starting to find help,, but I couldn't tell them everything. Afraid they would keep me....
DRugs,, how do I know REALLY know what is Normal.. Afraid of drugs,,, but now I have a 3 year old I am with,, I am trying, but I am not a good mom,, I am a good mom.
I am so sad !!!!!!

I am so angry and mean.. I am nothing, why should I live, It is freedom to die. I have done so much wrong in my life, Anfair on my husband, and I told him,, he still loved me weird, I will not do that to him again. I will die first.
So much bad in me,, yet lots of good..I am tooo much !!!

I can't remember crap,, people think I am weird cause I JUST CAN'T remember...
I don't want people to think I am weird !!!!!!!!

I will hear things that others don't hear.. I have learned to watch others to see what do.
I hold back, I hide alot of what is going on.. I see and feel things that are not there...
This dream,, wake me up..
The things I see are blurs, shadows, faces I can't make out, but someone is there !!
I understand it's me,, but it drives me crazy. So jumpy... Not sure !!

I tryed and try Chruches, can't keep going cause I am to bad.. Not that way bad, just not good enough. I pray pray everynight. I believe in GOD !!! I know he loves me,,, But I am on this earth,, death is good thing to me,,,but I will live for my family as long as I can keep the shield up from them,, yet they know some,, but not much.....

People are watching me.. I think they know I am weird, can't handle people,, unless on a good day,, I can , but it's just to please them. I don't know what is real,,

What about my children,, I love them,, I will give them the mom I never had... Play Play... I am good at that, but somedays I ask for help. Have to get away... I cry saying this !!!!!!!!!!!!!

One thing I have learned for the panic attack is when I have this weird taste in my month, it coming, or the smell in my nose, it is werd. My blood, or heart goes faster and faster,, I try to get busy, or it will hit me to fast, Real or not real anymore...
I will come back I will, Then I do.. Back to what I have known to be.. Still off, but not so much.

SO IRRITATED AND BOTHERED WITH EVERYTHING!!!

OHHH, I have to stop now,,, The realness of this thing called live.
I am happy I have laundry and cleaning to do to day... Mind break..............

Okay,,, I said it as well as I can..


ANYONE,, Whats wrong with me ????

ANYONEONE,, Do I tell my dr this to I copy and give it to him (them)???????

Will I be locked up ???

Toomuch 11-20-2002 08:35 PM

Crazy in College


I was worried about being on Xanax for so long. have to put my life in Doctors hands. Do Doctors really know wat there doing??

Thank you to for posting to me..

Toomuch 11-20-2002 08:46 PM

I will keep you all up dated as much as I can, cause I do need your help....

THANK YOU !!!!!!!!

Megherc 11-20-2002 11:54 PM

Were you as bad originally, before Xanax? Xanax can worsen pre-existing conditions and and some of your symptoms and behaviors are on the list I mentioned on the website. But if you think the Xanax is not at fault or hasn't made you worse, what do you think lead to all this? Any illegal drugs in the past? Alcoholism? Do you eat normally and take vitamins?...for example, I've read that simple niacin definciency will cause pellegra, a disease that causes mental symptoms simular to schizophrenia.

You must find out what this is...I know you have a hard time going to the doctor, but you first need a physical to rule out any medical disorders, diseases or deficiencys. You might also need some therapy because of your past traumas. Sounds like you have a very supportive husband and have alot of love for your children, you have alot to live for. I hope you can get some answers to why you are suffering like this.

Toomuch 11-21-2002 11:02 AM

Megherc, I was bad before the Xanax,, Tell them about the Panic attacks was easier to say. I do want off the Xanax I have hear a lot of bad about it from the Dr., I was afraid they would stop giving me it, and the change of meds. I "didn't" want any meds at all..... Now what is different.... Well I am hitting my son in the face and I have pushed him down.. My 3 year old is just a child,,, but I will get so angry I FEEL like I want to pick him up and throw him against the wal...... PLEASE not yell at me,,, I haven't hurt him in such that way,, but I am afraid I will hurt him bad !
I did smoke pot when I was young, 21 years old till Hummmm my middle son turned about 5. Because that when I got Panic attacks from Pot..
The first time I got (ill) was when I devorced my first husband after 2 years of marriage , he took my first born son from me.. We had joint custody, he stopped the devorce and said I abonded my son. When I heard I had no rights to my son, that when I started getting (ill).
I thought I was a sweet person before that,, but hell I don't know anymore.....

When I was ill, I went to a family dr "a lot", even different Dr.s..... I knew something was wrong,, not with my mind but like posion stuff was running through me,, Don't know if you can undersatnd that ?? !! They kept run and run test on me, blood test,, I was messed up then so I don't remember all they did.. They kept saying go see a mental Dr..

When I went in the hospital they did test to.
Do I eat normal,, well I think so,, somethimes I can't eat, but I am 20 pounds over weight. I do take a childrens vitamin.

The Dr. say from the tests ( blood work) (?) They said I have Anxitiy/Panac disorder, and personal l a tion disorder, can't spell it.. But I never told them everything about me.

I did see an therapist for years. I still didn't tell them everything..

Thank you thank you !!!!!!!! Please don't leave me now !!!!!

I just asked a friend if they heard voices,,
You know like someone calling your name, or you swear that person talked to you, and you know what they said,, but that person said they didn't say anything..
I thought that was normal. What I thought wasn't normal, is when you hear some words said and no one is there.
I am freaking think I am worse than I thought...
Seeing (evil) faces that you can make out in the tree, floor, wall, ect. I thought that is normal.
The faces that look at you from around the corner and you know no one is really there. That is not normal..

Ohhhhhhh, hard to breath now,,,, I am doing this for my children, I want to be a good mom. My husband wont die if he knew the hole truth of the wife he married..


Yet I lost the love/parnet, and wanted it so bad !!!
Understand this is so hard for me.....

[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 11-21-2002).]

Toomuch 11-21-2002 06:32 PM

[b][~~Toomuch, please address any questions to me via e-mail, by clicking on the "minerva" link on the Depression Board topics page.~~ Thanks, Minerva][/b]


Megherc,, You care so much .. I did read about Xanax. I was on 3 a/day. Now I been taking 2 pills a/day for about a year... Didn't tell the dr.. Yes I know. I should,, but they come and go. I am afraid of change.. I now was ready to take anything to help me.. Sorry if I sound down,, I am hurt that some of my words were deleted.. Maybe it was to help everyone else know to get worse with there illness.... Any ways

I have had hallucenations since I was a child. They were always there. Same with the voices. Depression I also had, didn't know it then, but I am learning.
The Panic Attacks was the really reason I went to the Doctor... I was very very nauses, I would throw up over and over, and I have diarrea also very bad.. Besides of the heart beating so fast, Couldn't breath and sweating and all that crap made me get help cause I lived in the barthroom, and if I could get out I would pace and pace the floors... Not nice for the family to see that.. I thought I had a illness that a normal Dr could fix. When I understood lots of people had it then I was okay with that. I didn't want to live with Panic attacks. I couldn't. I went to the mental hospital and that was the first time I would addment that. I didn't tell my Dr. every thing because I was afraid they would keep me..
I have always had fear , is that what paradoxial means..
aggression and violence, well that is newish, kinda....My 3 year old is a hand full, and I have seemed to get people (family) to do want I want.. This is the first time I have came to a child (person) that will not listen to what I say.. I stay home, I don't have many friend (1) really, I don't want friends. People drive me crazy.. Sorry !! That's just how I feel,, Also I can feel for others so much I can feel there pain. Since I was a child, always been that way. T.V. shows that are sad, or scary,, no way can't handle it.. I like funny show thou.

I don't know if Xanax is a problem or not, I am not sure about meds of any kind.

I know I will have to go through therapy again, I just hope I can talk to a real person, face to face, Wondering whats going on in there mind as I talk, the look on there face........

I can not shut my eyes and talk, I was going once a/week for a hour. I seen 3 different therapist in about 2 years, One reason I went back is because I was pregnant and taking Xanax,, doctor said whats best for Mom is best for baby. My other Doctor knew, and did lots of tests,,, BABY & I WAS Lucky everything came out fine..

Can you understand why I didn't tell the Doctors everything ????? I am trying to explain it.. It will help the Doctor to understand When he reads this..

[This message has been edited by Toomuch (edited 11-21-2002).]

[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 11-22-2002).]

Toomuch 11-22-2002 09:34 AM

Sorry I just read the rules

MudPuppy 11-22-2002 09:35 AM

I hope I'm not out of line for saying this, but I saw where you said you were divorced from your first husband. From just the little bit that you said, I wonder if he sold you a bunch of manure. What I mean is that because of the divorce, he made you out to be the bad guy. And I think you believed him.

It kind of sounds like what my sister went through during her divorce. Her ex had her believing she was the worst mother in the world. He was not going to even let her have visitation rights and tried to convince her she was losing her mind. She went to the doc, who prescribed meds for her. She was diagnosed as being bipolar at the time. The only problem was the meds made things worse for her. She finally went to another doc, who stopped the meds and said that the bipolar diagnosis was incorrect.
I don't want to keep going about my sister here. The point is that sometimes we end up listening to those people who we have spent alot of time with and eventually start believing almost everything they say. Even if they are not on the best of terms.

It's time to start believing that what he said and did to you was wrong. Time to start working on believing in yourself.

Some of the other things you mentioned I'm not prepared to address at this time. Other things I simply cannot relate to as I have never been married or had any children (although I have helped raise a few of them).

The other thing I wanted to say is about "hearing voices". Now there have been a few times where I thought I heard someone calling my name, only to find no one around. Yet I do not consider myself as actually "hearing voices". I attribute these times to my mind playing tricks on me. It's also not like I hear someone trying to have a full fledged conversation with me either. Everyone's mind will play tricks on them from time to time. Some people admit it. Others will not. It's in the perception of the person dealing with it.
I'll even admit to talking to myself and I do not consider that acting crazy or being nuts (or however you want to put it). When I don't talk for a period of time and since I live alone, I like to hear the sound of my own voice every once in a while. Now who would not admit to wanting to hear themselves speak, even if no one is listening? Not too many people. But I believe that those who admit it are much stronger than those who refuse to.

Despite everything you have mentioned so far, you do have a lot to live for. The trick to finding out what those things may be is to look for them when you're feeling up, not when you're down. When your down, you're going to look at things more negatively. If you look for things when you are up and in a good mood or disposition, you will have a much better time finding those things that matter. Those things that you know are good about you. And when you do find something you feel good about in yourself, WRITE IT DOWN. Leave notes around the house where you know you will find them.
I do this now and I'm finding its helping me start out my day better. Now it doesn't always work but it has helped quite a bit. There will still be down days like I had a couple of days ago. But I recognized that and knew I just needed to get through it. That and I wanted to be in a bad mood to try to get it out of my system. And I did.

I can't say whether any of my suggestions will assist you or not. Only you can. If what I've suggested doesn't work for you, ask others for suggestions. Or if you've gotten other suggestions from others, try those. Find what works for you. And keep trying.

:) :) :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:

Toomuch 11-22-2002 10:20 AM

Mudpuppy, Thank you that was so sweet !!!! ((HUGS)) I do know with all them different families I lived with and my ex, I was told I am a bad person. That has made me worried that I am.. this is ture.

Thank you, I thought someone has heard there name called before and just heard it in there head. And there must be people that talk to them selves. I do, but it's the battle of stopping thats hard,,( on my bad days ). I think I am who I am cause on my childhood. I have not heard a full fledged conversation (Smile thats good) I admit my mind will play tricks on me.

I think I get drepessed some days and sometimes it can last to long. I think that we all get down sometimes.

Thank was a good post (((HUGS)). It helps me knowing I can talk to the dr, and he must know I am not all that bad. I will work on myself, Thank you so much..

Cute bouncie balls on the bottom of your post. You have a good day !! Sorry it's been all me me me.

Megherc 11-22-2002 11:07 AM

I also have to say you have gotten such sensible, good advice from everyone here, what a good group of caring people...listen to them, ok??? Good luck!


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