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  • PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

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    Old 04-11-2006, 05:29 PM   #1
    Melissa765
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    PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    {REMOVED}

    Hi! I've never been diagnosed with depression, however, I used to have anxiety about going to school (the cleanliness of it). The official diagnoses was "anxiety with OCD tendencies" I think... Meaning that although I didn't do repetitive behavior or anything like that, the cleanliness part and fear of dirt/germs/parasites (like lice) resembled OCD.

    Anyway, lately I've been having some new symptoms, about a year after that whole thing was resolved (I still hate going to VERY dirty places, or going to movie theaters, for example, without a sweatshirt on the seat so that I don't directly touch it). I've been paranoid that someone is stalking me ever since I got a virus on my computer. I know that it's crazy, and I tell my mother about it, and she tells me that I'm over reacting and rationalizes it with me. I get very anxious at night, so much that I can't even concentrate on what I'm doing. Lately, and this is what's really bothering me, I've been paranoid that my mother's boyfriend is becoming attracted to me. She's been with him for almost 5 years now, and he's never molested, raped me, etc., or done anything inappropriate. BUT, the other day after I got a new skin-firming cream and I said to my mom "Want to see how the skin under my butt isn't dimply any more?" (since she also bought it so we were comparing how it worked), and even though he was about to walk out the door, he walked back in the house and goes "let me see too." My mother and I both thought it was odd, since he always runs at the thought of seeing any part of me naked, but this time he tried to stay. When she confronted him about it later he claimed that he knew I wasn't going to show anyone anyway.

    Lately he's also been like play-wrestling with me and like grabbing the back of my leg when I walk by, yet he doesn't do that to even my mother anymore (he used to). She noticed it too because she said, "Why don't you do that to me anymore???" I don't think it's in a sexual way, but then again, I don't know!!!

    Now this may be over-board, but I've also thought in the past, "Does he have hidden cameras in the bathroom to watch me in the shower?". I REALLY think that's just being crazy, and when I told my mother she was just like "If I thought for 1 second that was even the slightest possibility, he'd be OUT OF HERE."

    I don't know what to do! Being paranoid is like the worst feeling ever and I'm like ready to scream and cry! I don't even want to be in the house alone with him because I'm so nervous.

    I'm so anxious, and paranoid, and just UNEASY that I'm ready to tell my mother to admit me to a mental hospital just to get some relief. Whenever I'm out of my house, I'm okay, or when my mother is here in the house with me, I'm okay, but not when I'm here alone (and someone could break in), or when I'm here alone with him.

    Part of me wonders if he has like drugged me and raped me in the past, and I was semi-conscious, so that's why I'm so worried. (PARANOID!!!!!!!!!!!!!) He looks at me funny too, and even though I'm only 1*, I get mistaken for being in my mid-late 20s ALL the time. I look just like my mother too, and as she's getting older, and I'm getting more mature looking I'm starting to look like her -- I can't help but think that he's attracted to me or something.

    I'm going to start wearing sweatshirts and sportsbras all the time with no makeup so that I look less attractive I think. I just can't stand it anymore! I think I should mention that I'm also home nearly 24/7 because of a back injury and I've been out of school, so could that be making me a little crazy?

    I'm sorry this was so long!! PLEASE HELP ME! Am I just paranoid or could there be some validity to my madness?????????????????

    Last edited by msmod; 04-13-2006 at 05:25 AM. Reason: No longer applies, please read the posting rules. Also don't post your age if your under 17. Ms_Mod

     
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    Old 04-12-2006, 07:05 PM   #2
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    Re: PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    You need professional help. In regard to germophobia, does it cause problems in your life? If so, it's a concern. Nobody likes going into REALLY dirty places. But if you're over the top on this, it will cause problems in your relationships and otherwise. In regard to your mother's boyfriend, you are at least partly a victim of the media. If you watch TV or read the papers, there is a lot of emphasis on child abuse, hidden cameras and the like. These things are far less common than you might think. Still, if a person makes you feel uncomfortable, there's a problem somewhere - either with him or you. Trust your instincts and doon't let anything inappropriate happen. But get some professional help. Try the county mental health department or talk to your Mom. But definitely take action. Once you do, you'll automatically feel a lot better.

     
    Old 04-13-2006, 12:06 AM   #3
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    Re: PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    Melissa,

    What a lot of stress for a 1* year old to have to deal with! ...for anyone to deal with.

    From what you said, it sounds both like you and your mom have noticed the changes in behavior in her boyfriend. It doesn't sound like you or she is misreading anything. Your gut feeling and hers combined, are acurate, no matter what he says. It's inappropriate for a non-father to be wrestling with a 1*year old girl.

    He's an adult, it's his responsibility to act appropriately. I'd say trust your gut about his behavior and intentions. Is there a friend's house you can be at when he is home and your mom is not? Even if nothing ever happens with him, the feeling of threat that it may is stressing you out. Take the risk and ask your mom to have him move out, or to get you somewhere else to be (the hospital even, like you said). It's just not worth risking having him there with you alone!

    If he has innocent intentions a) he should stop doing these things, b) be willing to move out.

    He may be working up to "trying" something, doing small things a little at a time so it doesn't completely set off you or your mom's "alarm bells". You might check for the sex offender registry online and put his name in.

    Anxiety is often part of depression, or it can be on it's own too I guess. The ocd aspect, it sounds like the obsessions (thoughts that just won't go away) are the issue, not repetitive behaviors.

    Antidepressants are very good at treating anxiety/ocd. It may not be a first recommendation by a doctor at this point, being you are still a teen. Also cognitive behavioral therapy is supposed to be very good for ocd and anxiety. I know you said you aren't in school, but is there any way you can go back to your school somehow, and talk to one of the counselors there, or if there's a social worker? Talk to either kind of "helper". Maybe you can even just call the school, but please call someone. This isn't right. YOU are right, but this situation isn't something you should have to deal with. Tell your mother we said so.

    Last edited by msmod; 04-13-2006 at 05:26 AM.

     
    Old 04-13-2006, 05:27 AM   #4
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    Re: PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    Please read and follow all of the posting rules.
    Don't cross post the boards, post your question on one board only.
    Also don't post your age if you are under 17.

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    Old 04-13-2006, 06:51 AM   #5
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    Re: PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    I just want to say that I agree completely with macadamiaNUT, and that it's really good advice, so I want to emphasize it.

    The boyfriend's behavior is totally inappropriate, and may indeed be a signal that there's more inappropriateness to come.

    I would suggest that you go directly to a psychiatrist ASAP. I used to have similar phobias and I know how unbearable they can be. Remember "What About Bob?" ? There are people like that in the world, and IMHO if you let this anxiety thing go, you could end up like that in ten years or so.

    A good psychiatrist would be able to decide whether to put you on medication or send you for another kind of therapy.

    Again, macNUT is pretty much right on the money, but there is hope that you can get over the uncleanliness phobia. But you should do something about that really soon.

     
    Old 04-13-2006, 10:50 AM   #6
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    Re: PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    It's good your mom knows this and is aware of your feelings. If any of his actions are bothering you, you should really tell him that for one reason or another his behavior is making you uncomfortable. He should stop the wrestling/messing around. But honestly, I think you are worrying a bit too much, especially about the cameras and the fear of him sexually attacking you. Is he a nice guy? Does he value the relationship he has with your mother? Maybe he's just trying to be a nicer "father figure" for your family, but doesn't really know his "limits" with you.

    Last edited by davidjoshua; 04-13-2006 at 10:50 AM.

     
    Old 04-13-2006, 10:00 PM   #7
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    Re: PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    Gosh, there's just so much at stake here. I'd hate to down play something that both your mom and you noticed about his behavior. And, if he IS trying to pull something, he WILL lie about it and try to make you and mom out to be "wrong" or "paranoid." And if he IS like that, maybe the cameras aren't that farfetched.

    I don't want to feed into unrealistic paranoia, but we're not there picking up the vibes. Better to err on the side of caution than learn that intuition can be accurate.

     
    Old 04-14-2006, 04:04 PM   #8
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    Re: PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    Hey everyone. I've been really paying attention to how he acts lately, and he hasn't done anything really odd. The only thing is that just a few minutes ago, he was sitting on the couch ready to get in the shower. I had a pair of headsets in my hand, (and keep in mind that he hasn't done anything wierd lately), so I said "Just tell me if this hurts," while I was laughing, and I took the end that you'd plug into an ipod or something (the pointy end) and poked him in the arm. I don't know why... It was just a spur of the moment thing and I thought it would be funny because I was curious if it was sharp enough to hurt (yet I didn't want to try it on myself). He was kind of laughing too, but when I did it, he flung his arm out and the side of his hand kind of hit me in the 'privates.' I don't think he meant to (and because he was on the couch and I was standing, it wasn't like he went out of his way to hit me there... that's just where his arm went when he flung it directly out), and when I told him that he did, he denied it. Maybe he was just embarassed even though it was an accident, but I told my mother right away (who was just like 10 feet away) and she said, "Oh he was probably just half asleep," which he agreed to. What's odd is that he WASN'T half asleep because we had just been semi-arguing about what we were going to watch on TV. I mean don't get me wrong, it wasn't molestation in the slightest... even *I* have accidentally hit someone/kneed them/elbowed them in a 'private' area by complete accident. He finally admitted that he did (it was so quick that he honestly may not have known where he hit me), and tried to joke, saying "well then keep it away from me!" I don't know... I think I'm just looking into this TOO much now because I'm aware of it.

    I really appreciate all of your responses, but I must say that I'm not really having a problem with the anxiety, I was in therapy before (which didn't help at all), and I refuse to take medication. It's not like I'm bi-polar or schitzophrenic (sp?) and off the wall... I just get a little anxious sometimes, but I can control it myself.

    I just don't know if this is something new I'm "obsessing" about, or if it's legitimate, and that's what I'm trying to figure out. Have any of you been anxious/worried about things like this??


    EDIT: I just looked it up and there IS such a thing as the fear of being sexually abused, called Contreltophobia. So maybe it is just a new manifestation of my anxiety.

    Last edited by Melissa765; 04-14-2006 at 04:17 PM.

     
    Old 04-14-2006, 04:57 PM   #9
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    Re: PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    You say you can control your anxiety yourself, and you refuse to take medication. Your first post doesn't sound like you can control your anxiety yourself- you mentioned something about having your mother put you in a hospital for it.

    I'm now 54- my panic disorder appeared when I was 22 and wasn't properly diagnosed until ten years later. All I'm saying is, you don't have to live like that and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Just IMHO, you might consider being open to thinking about medication. You may feel a whole lot better. But if you refuse to take medication, that is of course your business.

     
    Old 04-14-2006, 06:47 PM   #10
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    Re: PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by harlequin
    You say you can control your anxiety yourself, and you refuse to take medication. Your first post doesn't sound like you can control your anxiety yourself- you mentioned something about having your mother put you in a hospital for it.

    I'm now 54- my panic disorder appeared when I was 22 and wasn't properly diagnosed until ten years later. All I'm saying is, you don't have to live like that and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Just IMHO, you might consider being open to thinking about medication. You may feel a whole lot better. But if you refuse to take medication, that is of course your business.
    I know, I know. I completely understand that medication does help some people. I didn't mean that I wanted to be put in a hospital because of the *anxiety*, but rather to get away from her boyfriend (when I was really freaked out and this all started). I think I've come to realize that it was just a few weird things that happened, but I've been living with him for 5 years, and if he was going to do something, he'd have done it by now. He's one of the nicest people I've ever met (aside from the fact that he's cheap ) and I've never even had the thought that anything was wrong with him until recently. Being so young, I'd also rather not medicate myself any more than I have to. I have a lot of chronic health conditions (i.e. allergies, asthma, back problems w/ disc problems, sinusitis about every 4-5 weeks, etc., etc.), all of which I'm taking medications for, so I don't want to add one more to the mix if I can cope with it myself.

     
    Old 04-14-2006, 08:13 PM   #11
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    Re: PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    Good for you, Melissa, for not wanting to drug yourself anymore than you have to. There IS a lot of help for people with anxiety. For the life of me, I can't understand why people believe "treatment" has to be drug treatment.

    A known drug company (they all do it) directive is to have certain employees visit message boards and chat rooms to give their drugs a positive spin and to crush negative talk about them. Most people here are probably on the up and up, but I'm often suspicious when some just keep pushing drugs without even really knowing a person and their medical history.

    Take care and good luck! You've got a lot of common sense.

     
    Old 04-15-2006, 11:46 AM   #12
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    Re: PLEASE help me!!! Paranoid I think... I'm like ready to cry so please help!!!

    Thank you!

     
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