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    Old 06-01-2006, 12:46 PM   #1
    Charme
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    Unhappy Can anyone cheer me up?

    Hi all,

    I was going to make a post today about myself as I'm never done an introduction and find it hard to talk about my probkems. My twin brother is up to Scotland from London this week though, and he popped round to leave some stuff in my flat as he was going to stay here tonight as he's out to see some friends.

    Getting to the point though within five minutes of him here he was telling me to "shut my mouth" and physically attacking me, although we'll both be 30 this year. Then he started accusing me of upsetting everyone else in the family because of my depression, and not trying to help myself. He just kept on and wouldn't leave, and I couldn't make him as he works out and is much bigger than me. I should let it wash over me but I feel small and pathetic and he's ruined the only place which I fel a little safe.

    I hope I'm not asking for much, I just wonder if anyone can say anyhting to cheer me up a little. I keep crying and I hate doing that, I blame this depression on myself already and I don't have anyone to talk to.


    Sorry to bother you all
    Charme

     
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    Old 06-01-2006, 02:24 PM   #2
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    Hey there! Its not like anybody chooses to be depressed. Dont tell yourself its your fault really. I was feeling very bad for the last year and a half and am just starting to feel better. Dont forget that one day you will feel better again and be in a better situation. DO NOT let your brother blame you for feeling depressed its not something you can will to go away. I'm very sorry he treated you in such an inconsiderate manner. Keep posting how you are. there is really nice people on this board who can relate to what you are going through.
    Best,
    kitten

     
    Old 06-01-2006, 03:20 PM   #3
    Charme
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    Hi kitten26,

    Thanks for replying. The tears have stopped now though, out of anger really. I still feel pretty pathetic but I just have to accept that as part of life. The fact that he was pathetic enough to steal or hide the remote control to my cable box actually makes me feel better at how pathetic he is for a man of his age, albeit very annoying.

    People do tell me not to blame myself for depression, I know it's not my fault but I just can't help blaming myself. Partly as it just seems logical, but also partly because it's hereditary and therefore I have nothing to aim my bad feelings toward. I wonder how many other people feel like that. I'm also aware that it won't get better, not only because I've run out of drugs to try and none of them had an effect at all, but also because I've missed out on so so much in life already. And to make it worse though kids are what I've always wanted, I wont allow myself a family as I refuse to pass this condition on any further.

    My twin brother for a long time has always made me feel like crap, it's not going to stop. I have another brother who I stopped speaking to on my 16th birthday (and to this day) when he slapped me around the face with leather straps and my parents said it was my fault and was no longer welcome to stay in their home, although I had done literally nothing. The problem there was that he (my older brother) had gone through a series of suicide attempts just previously.

    Anyway I should start writing a post on me. I'm not too good at talking about my own issues. 99% of the time I'm trying to be happy happy for the benefit of others as there isn't anything anyone can do about my misery, but the least I can do is cheer them up. I mean I even refuse to get involved in a relationship as I know I'll just screw their lives up as much as mine. Grrrr, I'm getting ahead of myself, the point I'm trying to make is I'm not so good at talking about my depression which is why I feel I should start a thread about me, regardless of how how selfish it's gonna make me feel.

    Thanks for replying kitten, it really does help to know that someone else cares enough to take some time and reply. Too many people think that depression means more than just feeling a little glum, and don't relaise it often comes with other conditions such as anxiety and panic attacks.

    Best wishes,
    Charme

     
    Old 06-01-2006, 05:03 PM   #4
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    Hi Charme..sorry you had a tough time of it with your bro. Think we need a topic on here about how our families make us crazy...LOL...There came a point in my sister and mine and my Brother's and my relationship where we just all backed off of eachother...Kind of like picture this...know how there is a litter of puppies...and as they grow ya they play and roll around and such..but when they get bigger ...they just don't give a hoot about eachother and go seperate ways. If your brother's are treating you like this then possibly it is time to protect yourself and put your boundries up. Obviously it is not good for anyone for you to be treated like this. Sounds as though your twin has to try and find his male domancy with you..Who is the leader of the pack. Crazy isn't it? Don't be hard on yourself. I always thought it was just my family...nope it's not. Really sad...I had/have lyme disease..and oh boy that throughs you through many loops, well no one saw it in my family..I just wanted attention..I was the weakling..ect. ect...Well yes it hurts. But you are 30 and it is getting to be time for you to say ...I just can't take it anymore..if they are going to treat you like you are 2 years old..As for finding a mate..just might do you some good. I lucked out on not having babies either. Lost 2 of them due to my illeness..
    As for the med's. Have you tried like Saint Johns wart or SAME...I just started taking SAME lastweek. and well I'm not laying around. Keep your sprits up. You sound like an terrific person
    Just remember you didn't ask to be sick. hmmm what did a doc tell me...something like..It is your family that makes us all crazy...
    Good LucK!
    God Bless.

     
    Old 06-02-2006, 07:54 AM   #5
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    I would tell your brother that he can't stay with you and he is no longer welcome in your home. Call the police if needed to have him removed.

    Depression is not your fault. All of my friends think that I am an extremely strong person. I have had many things go wrong in my life but I keep on going. However, I'm in my second or third bout of depression. Does it mean it's my fault or that I am weak? NO. It just means I need some outside help which I am getting. I think about all things that have gone wrong and what else could go wrong and it keeps me awake at night. I get more tired and more tired until I"m exhausted. Then I can't deal with life in general and fall into a depression. I'm taking meds to help me sleep and it's working, I feel a lot better.

    I hope things get better for you soon. You seem like a smart person.

     
    Old 06-02-2006, 08:11 AM   #6
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    First of all,
    Your brother should respect YOUR space, afterall, he could have stayed in a hotel or another place, but came to YOUR flat. If he chooses to physically attack you, he should be removed from your flat. Let him you know you love him, but you will not tolerate the disrespect in your home.

    There's no need to cry over it, I'm sure you are a very wonderful person. It seems you just have some negativity from the people around you who help trigger your depression. If he can't welcome positivity in your home from himself, then he can welcome himself to somewhere else to stay.

    Be firm and put your foot down, Phsycially attacking you is not right by any means. If he does it ever again, and you ask him to leave, the local authorities will be happy to show him his way out.

     
    Old 06-02-2006, 10:02 AM   #7
    Charme
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    Thanks for the replies. When things like that happen it just aggrevates depression and highlights that I can't ever be the person I want to be.

    Jojo I think you hit the nail on the head and it's exactly what I think, that he's trying to prove dominance. I think he has some wires wrong in his head too, he's the most two (and much more) faced person you could imagine. He lies and pretends to everyone, and he has to be in control. And I kid you not, I have real worries about his wife should he ever get married, as I don't think anyone can hold up a false persona 24/7. My parents think he's the bee's knees, and it's only myself and my sisters (ok ok, large family --- two brothers and two sisters, and I'm not catholic as I so often get asked ) that realise what he's really like.

    I did manage to get rid of him in the end, although I was very close to calling the police. The problem with not allowing him back into my flat is that I then get the family telling me I'm in the wrong. When my eldest brother (not my twin) last attacked me it was around the time I had a breakdown and I still get criticised for no longer having anything to do with him.

    As I said I know it's not really my fault that I have depression, but I suppose I feel I should be able to deal with it better or something. I'm not sure, I just know that it isn't easy to have nothing to be angry at either. I'm not having a good time of it all at the moment without my brother adding to it. I originally came to Perth as where I lived in Edinburgh I was seeing nobody and it was driving me crazy, and I was offered support here as my twin and one of my sisters live here. For three years my twin treated me like crap until he moved to London, and although my sister has been great (extra great as we had never seen eye-to-eye before then) I didn't see as much of her as I would've liked as I didn't want her to feel like a crutch. She moved away this week so I'm completely on my own again now. And then I have the thoughts of ECT which I'm getting if my application for a VNS trial is unsuccessful. And my employers told me today that I have until June 27th to be fit for work or "our relationship is over" unless I can convince them otherwise. So right now I just feel I've had enough. But I'm rambling again and just maybe feeling a wee bit sorry for myself!! It's all me, me, me...

    Oh Jojo, I have tried St John's Wort as well as some other natural meds. This was before I went to the doctor and it made me feel great for a while, but I suspect that was only because I felt I was actually doing something about my mood. I haven't heard of SMART before though, what is it? I'd google but I don't think the results would be helpful!

    Thanks for your support.

    Best,
    Charme

    PS Terrific? Smart? Wonderful? The builders are on their way to make the doors bigger.

    PPS Great idea on the topic Jojo, I think I might start that

    Thanks again everyone, chatting on this forum really does help.

     
    Old 06-02-2006, 10:55 AM   #8
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    Good Day Charme,

    Your bro has more issues than you going on sounds like. Like not liking himself, some insecurities going on. Feels possibly that the family likes you more than he so he has to run you in the ground to them. Man this went on with my sister and I. She is 4 1/2 years older than me. She thought my Daddy and Mom loved me more. So she like would make me look like dirt in their eyes. And then turn around and say....I DIDN'T SAY THAT...haahha...yep were just like a littler of pups...who can be on top I know it hurts deeply cause all of us humans want things to be perfect and the same as when we were little kids playing. I think our minds stay the same, the body just gets older...we all try to keep our spots in the pecking order..like I said it just sounds like brother or brothers have soooo many issues of their own. there just wanting to share with you. Maybe they see you the one with the most strength. Okay you see it, possibly make those boundries. And hopefully someday soon you would beable to sit and talk to them about it. When I say someday soon maybe when they grow up...hahaha...Sorry to hear about your job. Okay possibly time now to really take care of yourself. Forget the brothers for now. Put yourself number one. You need to keep a roof over your head. I take it that your employers know of your depression. Anyway of you know doing that two face thing when you are at work. What I mean is pretend to be positive. Then when you come home let it out? I don't know what ECT or VNS means. Are they putting you like on a probation period?
    Say do you like pets? dogs? cats? you know something to Love on unconditionally? Something to give you positive energy? Do you go out and socialize? hiking, biking, dancing? do you do anything to get the endorfphines going in your brain?
    Ahhhh you have a good sense of humor inside...I just got what you meant by your P.S. Funny that is good!!! You made me laugh...thanks...
    Okay back to this (i'm still laughing) I couldn't figure out what you were meaning...LOL...
    Have you tried talking to someone. Sometimes that helps. I know men don't like to do that to often. Okay I am not real sure how to explain this (S.A.M.E.) to you. All of these big words are jibberish to me...basically what i gather we have this in our bodies and it helps those little neurotransmitters in our brains. Hey and from I just read on the side effects it can cause nausea..whoa just one side effect! Oh yeah and not to take if you are pregnant. Well my friend try and take it easy today. Take a bubble bath..ya never know it might just help....
    I now it hurts to realize that our families are not there for us. I can relate to that. It's just is part of life. It is like greiving a death in our hearts. I think it is normal to be sad about it. Big Hugs to you...HOPE YOU GET THAT DOOR WIDENED TODAY....LOL...HAHAHAHAHA....
    and besides all of that...a funny guy

    Last edited by J0J0; 06-02-2006 at 11:01 AM.

     
    Old 06-02-2006, 12:04 PM   #9
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    Hi well see you got my curiousty up about the SAMe. Let's see if I can remember things to tell you...I do know in just a week I am feeling better. And according to what I read I am not even really taking as much as I should...hahaha...what an air head....hehe...but what ever works. I tried SAMe about 5 years ago. I was so flippin sick and already on pusher doc's chemicals...I went to a Dr. that dealt in alternative, Chinese meds. and he turned me on to this. WEll I was really stuggling with money and maybe that is why I stopped taking it. Or maybe I just couldn't get the help from it because of my illness and all of the other meds. Anyway ...blah, blah, blah,
    Okay our bodies produce this in our cells. It is a molucuel. s.p? It helps our WHOLE body to fuction. Plants everything has it....It helps the seritonin, dopamine, ect. It helps with PAIN...cause it helps our muscles. Wow!!! And like I read the only side effect is....it could cause nausea in some people...temporaily...So when you have time...check it out my friend...maybe this will be the answer.....YIPPIEEEEEEEE...... I had forgotten all about SAMe until I went in the health food store. I was feeling pretty down and couldn't get my head back above water...In just one week!!!!!
    So this is the spelling.....SAMe....pronounced Sammy...I know when I bought it over the internet from a good source along time ago it was cheaper and came in larger amounts. Check it out!!!!
    HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY...And I am sad that your Sis moved. But you know what ....You still have her in your life....and now days we have computers!!!
    Hugs .......

     
    Old 06-02-2006, 01:26 PM   #10
    Charme
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    Oh my God, your messages are so funny to read Jojo! I'm not so good when I write, I tend to get my serious head on lol.

    I really don't know what the problem with my brother is, but I don't need anything to do with him until he gets it sorted. Told him he needs a shrink far more than I do hehe. Not so sure about being more popular in the family, as far as my brother stands for my parents when he bends over it lights up the room. Family can be so overrated it seems, I bet they're great when it all goes right, but they can be such a problem too (kinda sick this, but as far as I'm concerned - "blood is thicker than water, but then again so is puss"). And I do believe we don't get older, just wiser. Some people take longer than others though!

    (Slight aside, but Malcolm in the Middle is so hilarious! It's on at the mo and I'm losing concentration!)

    About work, it's crossed my mind about pretending to be okay, and quitting if it's all too much. At least that way I'll not be giving in so easily. What bothers me is at least four hours journey a day depending on which office I end up in.

    Okay, ECT and VNS:
    - VNS: Vagus Nerve Stimulator, still considered in trial (at least in Britain). Originally used to treat eppilepsy, they realised that it was improving the mood of VNS users and now think it may be of use to depressives who are treatment resistant. It involves a pacemaker like device implanted into the chest, and wires tunneled from the device up into the neck and wrapped around the right vagus nerve, which wanders from the part of the brain which deals with moods down to the bottom of your chest ("vagus" means "wandering"). At the usual setting a electric pulse is transmitted for 30secs once every 5mins. The most common side-effect is hoarsness of voice while the pulse is on. It's settings can be changed using a magnetic wand connected to a computer.
    - ECT: Electro Convuslive Therapy (aka Shock Therapy). Scarey stuff, the medical practice refutes any major side effects, but many people have reported major losses of long-term memory, ongoing problems with short-term memory, and even some reports of a loss in initelligence (as much as 30 IQ points). It involves being put under, and a shock being put through both sides (bilateral) or just one side (unilateral). The former is considered more effective. The amount of charge used is dependant upon the patient, quite often though it's 450v for the bilateral treatment.

    WARNING: that was all off the top of my head and I was once known for being wrong, albeit a long time ago.

    If my application for VNS is unsuccessful, my psych says that ECT is the only remaining option. However, your mentioning of SAMe is positive and perhaps I'll try more natural meds before taking that route.

    I have a cat. Had her for some time now, she's a wee sweetheart! I don't get out often though, I know I should but I just can't seem to be able to. Doing things on my own just reminds me that I'm on my own.

    Well, after 26yrs of not talking to anyone, I finally managed to talk to a girl I was seeing at the time and who (at the time) I loved more than I could have imagined. At the end though she was treating me like crap, and she had been only using me all along. Three years on and I still get nightmares about her, so I'm even more closed up than ever. I'm not a blokey-bloke, nor a girly-bloke. I guess a "moden man" if that doesn't sound too much like a cheap chatup line lol. What I mean is that I know what you mean about most blokes not wanting to talk, but I'm not like that it's for other reasons.

    Well, that tip about the SAMe is great, and I'm going to give it serious thoughts if I don't get VNS.

    Best to you Jojo,
    Charme

     
    Old 06-02-2006, 02:38 PM   #11
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    WHOA...THAT SOUNDS LIKE ELECTRIC SHOCK that they did back in the medieval times before the use of so many anitdepressants Holly cow!!! They both sound so scary...hmmm...wonder if that is how Frankenstien was created....hahaha...Hey my friend I would try the SAMe before this electic shock stuff...I know when I was a kid I was raised in the coutry..well Daddy accidentally put the electric fence around the corral to high. I grabbed hold of it...and I do think that is why I got curls in my hair... so you Like good old Malcom in the Middle...I watch that every night now...and I laugh and laugh and laugh...I don' think there is another show on right now that down right gets my jaws to hurting...never watched it before and now I grab all the re-runs..and then those re-runs...but they still make me laugh...well your title to your thread was CAN SOMEONE CHEER ME UP? I am glad I got you to smile. I am learning that life throws alot of bunches at us...think it has all my life...this is what I do to get out cause when you have had an illness for so long you lose those so called friends, you lose the family, you get scoffed...hmmm things I am sure you know all about...Okay are you ready this is why I asked if you have pets..They don't give a rats behind how we are....I do have two dogs a 9 month old Akita and an old yellow lab mix that adopted during the snow storms this last winter...She has been so abused..so during the day when my sweetie is at work I go to the animal shelter...they don't put the dogs and kitties down at this one. they adopt them all out. so I go and socialize with them. And you know what??? It is helping me to come back out. I have a purpose again. Were all God's creatures...they've been abandoned, locked up, abused, hmmm...things I have been through...Awwwwww the Lovely Spiritis that live inside of them. Okay now think what I am trying to say is take a baby step...I am so glad to hear that you have a miss angel Kitty with you.. That is a medicine we can not get in pill form....So ask yourself... What pleases me? this is one reason I went to the animal shelter...I had that need to smell puppies...to feel their warmth and sweet energy, like smelling a baby ya know...I had to start taking baby steps to get my head out of my rear...When I was younger I tried the drinking and drugs...quit that and within a year got chronically ill...Hahahah...just don't figure sometimes...I think I would like to meet the person that TRULY has the perfect life...is there really one? hey just think if you had Malcom's Mom And his family crap that would be scarey!!!

    WEll I'm sure I rambled and got off topic oh well. Just do yourself a favor and start living life...do you like Art? REading...is there a park near you? some place where you can just bearound people. Ya some of them suck...but there are some good people out there....
    Oh and about we don't get older just wiser...I use to look at that way too. But I look in the mirror.... we do get older too...LOL...
    HUGS...
    See you are a terrific and fun and believe or not you make people laugh and smile..You had a very bad experience with a ding bat female..Don't give up...just be careful on who you let into your life...she obviously had a screw loose too. Were all only human...let her go...and move on..let those nasty memories rest...see you are reaching out to people even by doing this... lookie ..you are taking baby steps. Damn that is something to feel good about ...Your not alone...give yourself a hug...You deserve it...
    know one other thing that I love is MUSIC I sit here and just blast it...Music soothes the Soul....
    p.s another thing that it was suggested for me to add and I had forgotten all about it is B vitamins...and extra extra B12. They are used for I can't spell it uhmmmm scizophrinea...I have heard people being cured with high amounts of it...Try the liguid if you can find it...the end.....
    yeah right... LOL

    Last edited by J0J0; 06-02-2006 at 02:52 PM.

     
    Old 06-02-2006, 05:58 PM   #12
    Charme
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    Lmao, that's a fantastic reaction! ECT pretty much is exactly what they did in the "medieval days" (not really then though, they didn't have electricity did they? ). The main difference now is that the patient is placed under, and a muscle relaxant is given to stop nearly all muscle convulsions. I saw someone write that he had seen ECT given both the old way (as still used in some countries) and the new way, and he wrote the only advance is that it's easier for the doctor to watch! That's not exactly true though as the muscle relaxant prevents broken limbs. It freaks me out big time. I have messy hair which isn't straight/curly/wavey, so if it sorts that out it will be worth it!

    VNS doesn't scare me though, not at all. In fact I find it quite funny that they can interfere with the shoplifter detection systems they have at shop doors lol. And at airports you use a medallion or something to explain why you keep setting the detector off. Plenty of room for antics!

    Hey, I'm from the countryside too! Hi fellow choochter!

    Aye I love animals too, and I rescued my wee Suzie when she was lost/abandoned at a few weeks old in the middle of a bad scottish winter. I'd have more animals but it would upset her. They really are fab.

    I used to do photography, not anymore though. It scares me to go places I don't know. What a mess lol! But joining this forum was meant to be my first step, and though it's upset me a couple of times (don't ask!) I'm determined to stick to it.

    I'm fairly sure I tried B vits, I don't think in high dosages. Hmmmm, St John's Wort as I said before, omega, primrose oil (it's not just for women!!) and I can't think what else as it's pretty late here! But you've given me the incentive not to give in to ECT quite yet and I'm thankful. And you really did make me smile and cheer me up, you've got a brilliant talent and you should be proud.

    Thank you,
    Charme

     
    Old 06-02-2006, 06:10 PM   #13
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    Charme

    I don't know if this will cheer you up but it's the truth. You sound really sweet and kind and your brother sounds like a complete d*ck (tosser I think they call it in your country). Anyway, you needn't put up with his tantrums. Just because we're related to people doesn't mean we have to associate with them or even like them! Just know from what I read in your post, you're truly a good person and your brother needs to get a life!

     
    Old 06-02-2006, 06:29 PM   #14
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    If ever you need a Smile just let me know...Hey Malcoms coming ...sleep well...Will check in with you tomorrow...You truly are an awesome person...see YOU LOVE ANIMALS.!
    God Bless you for saving your baby girls life. Sounds as though you have spoiled her. Remember baby steps...daydream of somewhere close by you would like to go...just day dream it for now okay...we'll yack later...



    my real name is Jodie...but I have been called many things....hehehe...and what a sense of humor you have...you make me laugh...thanks ...by the way ...nope no electricity in the midevil days..think they used the lighting bolts

     
    Old 06-02-2006, 06:39 PM   #15
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    Re: Can anyone cheer me up?

    Hahahaha, RatPack78 you hit the nail on the head there, and in Scotland we use both words. In fact we have so many that people should stop being surprised that inuits have 18 words for snow, and start counting how many insults we Scottish have for each other!

    It's not easy having to not have anything to do with a family member, especially when he's your own twin brother. But I have to consider my health. And grrrr, just thinking of the lectures I've had from my parents today because of my depression, but I shan't go into that! Well, I will as I've mentioned it now, but it's just making me angry this time. No I won't because it just doesn't make sense when I stop to write it, and I'll just ramble. Suffice to say that...oh never mind. Aaargh, I've lost it haven't I?!

    But your kind words do mean alot, as does everyones here. I didn't imagine that a forum could offer so much support before, or I would have sought it out a long time ago. Just being a part of it helps.

    The best to you,
    Charme

     
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