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  • "Stop being so depressed"

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    Old 08-15-2006, 09:01 AM   #1
    Jasmine70
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    "Stop being so depressed"

    That's what my husband said to me last night! I said "I'm trying" - what else could I say? It's like me saying to him, stop having a back ache or stop having high blood pressure. Oh, if only it could be so easy . . .

     
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    Old 08-15-2006, 10:05 AM   #2
    scriptabuse
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    Re: "Stop being so depressed"

    im really sorry he said that to you. people really need to understand that depression is a medical condition and no-one CHOOSES to be depressed. imo thats one of the worst things someone can say to you if you're feeling depressed. i think theres still a general lack of understanding about how depression actually affects people, maybe you could pick up some information leaflets that detail the symptoms and educate him a bit. just a thought.
    good luck and i hope things get better for you.

     
    Old 08-15-2006, 10:14 AM   #3
    Jasmine70
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    Re: "Stop being so depressed"

    Scriptabuse, thanks for your understanding. My husband has been thru so much himself & with me & my issues. I think he understands the basics of dep, but I guess till you've been there yourself you can't really "get it", kwim? It's not something that can be fixed quickly and I guess it's frustrating for all involved. I'm sure it is tough to deal w/a spouse that's depressed. A hug or a tickle or even nothing would've been better than what he said. It did make me even sadder to hear that. It's kinda funny (in a not funny ha ha way) how I think I'm putting on a good show of being normal, but obviously it's not as good as I think. It makes me really sad that my little son probably sees it too, even tho he doesn't know what it is. I hate that this is affecting him too.

     
    Old 08-15-2006, 12:57 PM   #4
    galinaqt
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    Re: "Stop being so depressed"

    Let's face it, nobody needs sick people since they are extra burden which disrupt normal flow of life. Depression often accompanies other illnesses. Talking from experience when mother calls me from rehab center with crying and accusations it makes me mad, harder to do my everyday activity, desire to avoid her. I feel jealos to people who can just go about there every day life, have fun without guilty feeling. I know it is unfair to the person but I can't help to feel this way, same must be going on with your dh. There will be always people outside who will tell him how unlucky he is to have sick wife on his hands.

     
    Old 09-03-2006, 07:59 PM   #5
    kim4074
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    Re: "Stop being so depressed"

    yeah try telling him to stop being so unsuportive and it would be like throwing a plate in his face. If we could stop being so depressed we would, like we like this like we enjoy this . Wow depression is so fun men sometimes are total jerks and wonder why we end up here telling our feelings and everything about us to total strangers. I think that is what caused me to relapese. OH you liked the person on drugs happy go lucky would do things, yet hated me for being an addict. Sorry if my recovery upsets your life and disturbs you ol wise one. Those are only my feelings of having someone so uncompationate to what I AM dealing with. Sorry for once this didnt have anything with you except you might show some empathy and compassion since in the long run this is for US not me!!!!! We all have one of them sometimes I wish they were a pet I could just put down. lol well we love them and we put up with it and walk in a world alone. This is what I love about this place I'm not alone I have friends I can be me if I'm feeling like chit everyone here understands not the person who lives in the same 4 walls I live in. Ok my long angry ramble!!! I know how you feel. Kim

    Last edited by kim4074; 09-03-2006 at 08:06 PM.

     
    Old 09-03-2006, 09:09 PM   #6
    galinaqt
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    Re: "Stop being so depressed"

    Depression is something for "regular" people is hard to understand. When my husband said that 'cause he is not allowed anymore to use temple's library triggs depression it sounds like spoiled baby to me. He can afford to buy his own books and read it at home. I came from different culture where nobody educated about this things and person would fall under category can't take care of him/herself and it is something to be ashamed and surroundings will make matters worse for you if you dare to show it.

     
    Old 09-04-2006, 02:19 AM   #7
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    Re: "Stop being so depressed"

    Right, galinaqt, it's true. I think we can really torture ourselves when we are educated or otherwise intellectually normal, that we ought to be like other people, when we are in fact not like other people. It really hurts me sometimes because I guess my dream was to become just like everyone else.

    However, so very many humans are suffering right now. Maybe we are like everyone else, but even LUCKIER because we're being treated now either by physicians, drugs, or just one another.

    xoxo

    Last edited by squeakytoy; 09-04-2006 at 02:20 AM.

     
    Old 09-04-2006, 03:12 AM   #8
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    Re: "Stop being so depressed"

    Hah, try refusing to tell people about depression and havng people tell you the whole time you ought to behave differently, or more consistantly, or be told "not tonight" when you say you're feeling .... and like giving everything up because someone needs you to sort out their "real" reason for being down.
    Try going to a doctor because you've repressed everything so badly you shake and hyperventilate every day and being asked by him and every person who sees you doing it "well can't you stop it?" like I want the attention or something, or I'm just not trying hard enough to be a good girl. Or being left on a bench somewhere on your own for hours because no-one wants someone walking with them who's getting stares because she thinks she can't breathe and keeps making "stupid poodle noises" trying to get in enough air.
    Try being yelled at and made a joke of in front of classes because when someone grabs you without warning you intinctively bolt away - even if it's the teacher. Or having to stand there and listen to your boss reject applicants to do a job just like yours because she was brave enough to admit she had depression.
    The whole lack of understanding is absolutely insane. Depression is not an uncommon illness and yet those that really need help are forced to feel like they're failures and moaners and those that can put up with that go through a system where the doctors often have adopted the same stigma and most don't even know how to treat their patients.
    You spend your whole day trying to stay above the black line and you can't even get tell your family - let alone get support - because the household view on the matter is that depression is a myth created for people who need excuses.

    ....ok, rant over now, apologies

    Last edited by flinch; 09-04-2006 at 03:13 AM.

     
    Old 09-04-2006, 09:17 AM   #9
    jessejomomma
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    Re: "Stop being so depressed"

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jasmine70
    That's what my husband said to me last night! I said "I'm trying" - what else could I say? It's like me saying to him, stop having a back ache or stop having high blood pressure. Oh, if only it could be so easy . . .
    Jasmine,
    That is one of the hardest things to hear, especially from someone who is supposed to support you. My best friend from high school told me to just go shoot myself, but to do it outside instead of her apartment.
    It is really hard, and those words made her untrustworthy to me, and our friendship died. I still miss her though, and wish there was some sort of reconciliation.
    People without depression, or those who don't know they have it, and don't have symptoms yet, definitely don't understand. But, it does not mean that they don't care. Men get frusterated if they can't fix a problem, whether it be mental or physical, or even something not related to relationships. Don't take your husband's words harshly. It sounds like he is upset at not being able to help you, and is frusterated. The thing about depression is that we can't expect our spouses and friends and family to fix or help us, because they can't. It is better that they don't even try. They can be supportive, but I wouldn't recommend that we use them as counselors. I have depression, but for some odd reason, I haven't been having a problems with it as much as a person should. My husband left me, I am 5 1/2 months pregnant, single parent to a toddler, living with my parents (again), dealing with small town gossip, and my best friend killed herself three weeks ago. Perhaps I am still in shock, but what helps me is that I don't want my daughter to see me in a deep depression. And she is so smart and funny that she makes me laugh when nothing or nobody else can.
    so I hope that you can find something that works for you, but remember that you do have your son and your husband, although being married can be painful. If you can't seem to focus on anything else, try focusing on teaching your son to be happy. Try as hard as you can, because for one thing, you do know how, it has just been buried, and for another, when you teach your son that, you are unburying your happiness and letting it out.
    Keep positive thoughts around you as much as you can. Write down positive things and post them around your home, around your work, even in your car. It is not impossible. If you are seeing a counselor and you don't feel like their methods are working for you, perhaps you should find someone else.
    Good luck!

     
    Old 09-04-2006, 06:36 PM   #10
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    Re: "Stop being so depressed"

    Some people do not realize that depression is a very serious disease. I was like that myself until it happened to me. Saying stop being so depressed is like telling a blind person to just"start seeing"

    Last edited by rickcool; 09-07-2006 at 12:07 PM.

     
    Old 09-07-2006, 12:18 AM   #11
    woodfaery
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    Re: "Stop being so depressed"

    There are a lot of options you have when you get depression. Several times through out my life I did not understand that there were options. I have had depression off and on for years, I wont go into the whole reason of why. Its been a lot of life experiences and I was overwhelmed...thats the best way to break down my story. But as time has gone on, I realized that although I thought not taking ad's would be best...I was unable to be productive without them. While on andtidpressants life seemed to go on, and I became more productive. Its a chemical thing, it truly is. As well as other factors. Therapy worked too, but only if you feel that you have found the right therapist and feel comfortable. Having a support group, and yes positive affirmations as well as spending time with people who enjoy life and find happiness in their lives helps too. It is not the answer to have some one tell you just stop being depressed. But yes you can eventually stop being less depressed if you seek to get better, and take responsiblity for your well being. A lot easier said than done I am aware because I know the feeling of being terribly depressed, but with work and time and determination you can get there. Good luck, you are in my thoughts.

     
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