It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Depression Message Board

  • My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 08-22-2006, 10:31 AM   #1
    jealibeanz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2002
    Posts: 235
    jealibeanz HB User
    Exclamation My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    This may be long, but I assue it's an easy read! I'd like to share my story with you:

    I have been diagnosed with GAD, insomnia, ADHD, and depression over the past 4 years.

    1. Insomnia:

    I've only had this disorder for a year! I began having problems getting to sleep and staying asleep when returning from a summer in England. After a few months of struggling I went to my Dr.'s office and his PA gave me Lunesta ,2mg. It worked wonderfully for about 6 months. When it wasn't helping I switched to Ambien CR. After a few unpleasant nights with that medication, I returned to Lunesta and it worked even better than it had in the past.


    I started graduate school this May (a PA program!). Since then, I haven't been able to sleep more than 2-3 hours per night. I went to my doctor for a physical last week and told him about this problem. He increased the Lunesta to 3 mg, since the reps are claiming that there's not much success with the 2mg.

    Obviously insomnia is a symptom of depression, but he's never brought that idea up. I'm just too smiley and friendly in his office because he's such a great guy. I don't come off as depressed. And I certainly and successful, accomplished, and driven, so I doesn't looook like I lack motivation and am unhappy.

    It's working a little better. I end up sleeping about 4-5 hours at night at the most, but it's not continuous. I never sleep for more than 1 or 2 hours at a time. I'd really like to be able to get through the majority of the night.

    2. Anxiety:

    I've always battled anxiety and my doctor knows that. It's basically my major, underlying issue. I've been taking .5mg Xanax t.i.d. since May. Not completely controlled, but this is due to my struggles with the other disorders. No real complaints here regarding treatment.

    3. ADHD:

    I'm intelligent and having always just managed to get through school with good grades. However, I really don't focus well, and always forgetting things and multitasking, I don't pay attention to oral presentations, and never can manage to sit down and read and study. I started Straterra last March. It's helped, but we just stopped it from my treatment line. I decided to take a few days break a month ago to see if it would help the insomnia. It didn't. I then restarted and noticed an increase in depression and crying, ect. My ADHD, is mild, but probably needs to be treated if I want to be in such an academic field, career-wise.

    4. Depression:

    I've battled depression on and off since I was 15. I almost always have seasonal depression, which can last a good 6 months with the weather in my area! I'm also dysthymic and prone to depressive episodes at other times too.

    I've been on AD's in the past, but I don't remember if I was ever dianosed with depression. I don't believe so. I started Paxil for anxiety 4 years ago, my Sophomore year in college. After a couple of weeks it was causing a lot of rapid weight gain, so I switched to Buspar, which did the same. My doctor then put me on Wellbutrin, since it's not known to cause weight gain. However, it did, 20 lbs in 4 months (I was an extreeeeemly active athlete and ate very well.). Soo, I stopped that b/c that side effect certainly didn't help with things!

    I'm not sure I was ever officially diagnosed with depression until last fall! My PA had given my Klonopin and Adderall for anxiety, since my doc had prescribed it in the past. It induced a huuge major spiral into a depressive episode and crying spell, which is abnormal for me. I'm not normally a crier.

    Anyway, I came back and told me PA, how horrrrible I suddently felt and had stopped the meds. He reassured me that was definitely the right thing to do, and we discussed the idea of antidepressants. I explained my reluctance since I'd tried them in the past, just basically was unhappy with the weight gain issue (early 20ish woman here... this is a valid concern!). He agreed that is a side effect for some.

    He suggested I try an SNRI, Cymbalta or Effexor, since I never had before. He said he'd never had to pull anyone off either for weight concerns, but he couldn't garauntee anything. So, since I was in such a horrible state at that point, I agreed to try something, and he suggested Effexor since Cymbalta is newer and has less of a track record.

    Well, it did bring me out of the rock bottom period I'd fallen into. However, I was verrry apathetic and cared about nothing. Eventually, after 7 weeks, I decided I would rather feel terrible then feel nothing at all, so I stopped. Alllso, I was desperately trying to ignore side effects and give it a chance, but... It caused serious nausea, I could barely eat. Despite this fact, and the fact that I worked out heavily daily, I'd put on 20 lbs in those 7 weeks! Yuck!!! I'm now against anything that involves serotonin reuptake (Wellbutrin XR has some) or involved with histamine (Buspar). I haaate the weight issues!!!! (especially since the meds weren't amazing enough, mood wise, to deal with side effects)

    I can't really say that I went into remission, although I told my PA this. Mainly because I didn't want another SSRI/SNRI to try, and that I was feeling much better than from the onset of the episode. He wasn't pushing another med on me anyway, since I'd never had great experiences.

    Soo, I'd say that basically been depressed for a year, with some ups and downs. The Effexor trial was one small period of remission. Since then, it's built in severity. The worst started in April, when I just walked around in near tears all day, every day, I experienced crying spells (again, not really normal for me). This hasn't gotten better, actually it gets worse since it's untreated.

    I've seen my doctor a few times for rechecks on the Lunesta, Straterra and Xanax, but never wanted to bring up the depression b/c I'm afraid of meds. Well, last week was the first time I mentioned it. He seemed shocked since I work sooo hard at portraying a happy, energetic, enthusiastic young person in public!

    I told him that it had worsened since my experiments w/ Straterra. I didn't tell him it had basically been going on for a year. He was startled and told me to stop the Straterra. I also added that the lack of sleep wasn't helping and he agreed.

    While thinking outload he said something about wondering about trying something like Celexa and bewilderedly mentioned that he wondered if it were depression. (seriously, he seemed shocked due to my cheery demeanor, but really shouldn't be, I'm a patient w/ extreme anxiety and insomnia... they all go together!). I mentioned that I wasn't too sure I wanted to, since I wasn't happy with the others I'd tried. So, the plan was to just see how things work out with the other med changes.

    Since then, I've gone into the depressive state where I need to sleep constantly and alllways feel terribly fatigued. Sometimes I can barely manage get out of bed during the day. I want to sleep constantly and feel like there's a huge, overwhelming, weight on my body, forcing me to take multiple naps a day. I can sleep 15-18 hours in total each day. (big change!)

    This has happened before. Five years ago, I basically slept my way through me freshman year of college due to depression (although I wasn't aware of this cause and never sought treatment). It was the same thing, about 3 naps a day, 15-18 hours of sleep, and jut never feeling remotely rested. I'm normally very active and energetic.

    Soo, I want to go back to my doc to try to find a sleep med that will help me sleep longer and through the night. My body's just too used to Lunesta right now to react correctly. But I'm afraid of telling him about the fatigue and constant sleeping sooo much. I believe I need a better sleep med. I also believe I need some sort of stimulant (ADHD and for the depression fatigue) and a stimulating antidepressant.

    However, I'm afraid that if I tell him about fatigue he'll take away my Xanax. (which does cause a little drowsiness, but nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now). I'm afraid that I express my need for something stimulating he'll worry about it affecting my sleep. (valid, but I need both issues treated!) I'm afraid he'll just dismiss the idea of depression altogether (cited its occurance due to the other problems), or just give me the option of an SSRI. (YUCK!) I actually want to try the new MAOI EMSAM, but don't know if he'd think of it or be willing, since it has side effects. (it's stimulating (dopamine), and usually good for those who don't respond to SSRI's, also no signs of weight gain yet).

    I also fear reported emotional symptoms since I'm in PA school. I don't like looking like I'm "messed up" and incapable of being a professional, especially in my doctor's eyes. Also, I don't want it on my record that I'm taking meds, it might affect certification and employment. But if I don't get these things properly treated I won't make it that far!

    Help!!!! Suggestions??!!?! Do you think that he'll understand my symptoms, even though some of them almost contradict one another? (insomnia, but sleeping constantly, just not continuously; need for stimulants, but also sleep).

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 08-23-2006, 01:14 PM   #2
    jealibeanz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2002
    Posts: 235
    jealibeanz HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    No opinions?

     
    Old 08-23-2006, 01:38 PM   #3
    SOE
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Posts: 2,382
    SOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    If I missed it, I apologize, but I didn't see anything about you trying counseling.

    Meds are not always the answer -- and as you have experienced, there can be a lot of unpleasant side effects.

     
    Old 08-23-2006, 01:56 PM   #4
    jealibeanz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2002
    Posts: 235
    jealibeanz HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    Yes, I have been through counseling. No, you did not miss it. Was your remark intended to be sarcastic? That was not included in my post. In my opinion and experience, counseling often does nothing but focus on negative aspects. I did not benefit, especially since there were no major events or obstacles which were causing distress. While it can be great for some, others do not find it helpful. I'm still trying to find medications to help, since there are many out there.

    I believethat proper medication is important. That doesn't mean that there are current medications available to help each individual. Development and approval is ridiculously slow in this country. It's hard to work with a therapist when your brain isn't functioning correctly. I think it helps for some to be biologically treated before being able to really benefit from therapy. You may disagree. That's fine. We're all different. This is based upon my own experience and body's reactions.

    Last edited by jealibeanz; 08-23-2006 at 02:04 PM.

     
    Old 08-24-2006, 08:40 AM   #5
    SOE
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Posts: 2,382
    SOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jealibeanz
    Was your remark intended to be sarcastic?
    No. That's why I said "If I missed it, I apologize."

     
    Old 08-24-2006, 09:38 AM   #6
    jealibeanz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2002
    Posts: 235
    jealibeanz HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    Sorry, I assumed it was since if you missed it you could read my most again.

     
    Old 08-24-2006, 10:28 AM   #7
    SOE
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Aug 2004
    Posts: 2,382
    SOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB UserSOE HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jealibeanz
    Sorry, I assumed it was since if you missed it you could read my most again.

    BYW, I did read it again. I guess I should have spelled out "in case I missed it here or in prior posts"


    I was only trying to be helpful... did I do something to offend you?


    I'm now sorry I took the time to read your post (more than once) and took the time to respond.

    Last edited by SOE; 08-24-2006 at 12:49 PM.

     
    Old 08-24-2006, 01:57 PM   #8
    Jennita
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Dec 2002
    Posts: 3,581
    Jennita HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    All I can say is what started this mess? Because it sounds like you have been and are still on alot of uppers and downers and your'e brain has become quite tolerant. You need something to wake you up and put you to sleep constantly it seems.

    I don't mean to offend either, but this is a terrible path to be on....tolerance buildup to meds might continue to persist no matter how many you try, unfortuately. There are some percentage of people who develop very strong tolerances; sometimes drug vacations can right some of it but the problem may return. I know people who had no choice but to taper off meds for good and start healthier lifestyles because tolerance became too much of an issue for even the doctors to help. Maybe some second opinion

    Good luck, I hope you can find a better answer somewhere.

     
    Old 08-24-2006, 04:45 PM   #9
    jealibeanz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2002
    Posts: 235
    jealibeanz HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sickofeffexor
    BYW, I did read it again. I guess I should have spelled out "in case I missed it here or in prior posts"


    I was only trying to be helpful... did I do something to offend you?


    I'm now sorry I took the time to read your post (more than once) and took the time to respond.

    I mistook your message and tone. No hard feelings.

     
    Old 08-24-2006, 04:54 PM   #10
    jealibeanz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2002
    Posts: 235
    jealibeanz HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jennita
    All I can say is what started this mess? Because it sounds like you have been and are still on alot of uppers and downers and your'e brain has become quite tolerant. You need something to wake you up and put you to sleep constantly it seems.

    I don't mean to offend either, but this is a terrible path to be on....tolerance buildup to meds might continue to persist no matter how many you try, unfortuately. There are some percentage of people who develop very strong tolerances; sometimes drug vacations can right some of it but the problem may return. I know people who had no choice but to taper off meds for good and start healthier lifestyles because tolerance became too much of an issue for even the doctors to help. Maybe some second opinion

    Good luck, I hope you can find a better answer somewhere.
    Well... I'm not sure what "mess" your referring to! If you're talking about my sleeping problem, it began after I had returned to the US from a summer in England. My circandian rhythm never returned to normal. It was remedied by the Lunesta.

    The recent insomnia began when I started school. A break from meds may help, since it has in the past.

    I'm not really on a lot of uppers and downers. Right now, all I take is Lunesta every night. I'm prescribed Xanax .5 mg, t.i.d., but rarely ever take that amount. Recently, I may take none or .5 mg daily. My anxiety has decreased, and I definitely don't take it when I'm tired.

    I believe I have a very healthy lifestyle. A change in sleep meds is probably best. I was actually surprised when my doctor has decided to just increase the dosage in effort to relieve my insomnia. If this were the first time I'd taken it, it would make sense. But the fact that I've taken it for 9 months suggests tolerance. I'll have to go back and see what suggestions he has, as well as give him mine.

     
    Old 08-25-2006, 07:59 AM   #11
    Janet W.
    Senior Member
    (female)
     
    Janet W.'s Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2006
    Location: Leroy,NY,USA
    Posts: 218
    Janet W. HB User
    Wink Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    Good luck to you!!!! Seems like you are heading in the right direction and you are right everyone is different for what meds work and if therapy even works!!! For myself, I definitely need both- but not everyone responds or feels comfortable with therapy- it is hard to be able to talk about things- I have friend in my counselor now- she has been through some of the same things as I am going through which helps me alot.

    Good Luck
    Janet

     
    Old 08-25-2006, 11:01 AM   #12
    Jennita
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Dec 2002
    Posts: 3,581
    Jennita HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jealibeanz
    Well... I'm not sure what "mess" your referring to! If you're talking about my sleeping problem, it began after I had returned to the US from a summer in England. My circandian rhythm never returned to normal. It was remedied by the Lunesta.

    The recent insomnia began when I started school. A break from meds may help, since it has in the past.

    I'm not really on a lot of uppers and downers. Right now, all I take is Lunesta every night. I'm prescribed Xanax .5 mg, t.i.d., but rarely ever take that amount. Recently, I may take none or .5 mg daily. My anxiety has decreased, and I definitely don't take it when I'm tired.

    I believe I have a very healthy lifestyle. A change in sleep meds is probably best. I was actually surprised when my doctor has decided to just increase the dosage in effort to relieve my insomnia. If this were the first time I'd taken it, it would make sense. But the fact that I've taken it for 9 months suggests tolerance. I'll have to go back and see what suggestions he has, as well as give him mine.
    Ok, so you are currentely only on the downers, the tranquilizer group. This group can really be a bugger, highly addictive and withdrawals last long....insomnia and anxiety are definately withdrawal symptoms, they had discovered that in people who took tranquilizers for other purposes like muscle spasms from physical injury, so it isn't just the "original condition". But if original condition is insomnia, the tranquilizers(benzodiazepines or chemically simular) will eventually, through downregulation of targeted receptors, make the insomnia worse! On top of that, tolerance will persist thorough the many increases and drug changes. Look up the free online Ashton Manual for more details.

     
    Old 08-27-2006, 09:37 PM   #13
    jealibeanz
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: May 2002
    Posts: 235
    jealibeanz HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    The Ashton Manual... it's sooo biased and against the use of benzodiazepines! They do help people! Many people. And there are many who are struggling with trying to control their anxiety through counseling or SSRI's, while they'd truely benefit from a low dose benzo. Doctors now have a fear instilled in their brains about these medications, largely in put to the publications of Ms. Ashton.

    Same type of fear about the MAOI's too! It's almost as if they're aren't really taught why to hate benzo's and MAOI's, just that they should, and should denounce their use at every opportunity.

    Ha, funny that the meds do (benzo's) and may (MAOI) help me the most, are the ones doctors are against, without much reason. There are many dangerous, highly addictive, highly lethal drugs in this world. These aren't in that category!

    This being said, I think I'm still going to try for my EMSAM prescription from my doctor when I go back. I'm just praying that:

    1. He's open minded about "alternative" (re: not SSRI) antidepressants

    and

    2. He know's what EMSAM is and hooopefully has at least read an article or two about it.

    I haven't heard of many who have been prescribed EMSAM by anyone other than a psychiatrist. But who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and my doc will go for my suggestion. He did with the Xanax script, which is unusual for a GP. God knows family practitioners are terribly busy and overwhelmed!

     
    Old 08-28-2006, 10:07 AM   #14
    Jennita
    Inactive
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Dec 2002
    Posts: 3,581
    Jennita HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    I would say yes, benzos, AD's and all the psych drugs "help" people but for how long and at what cost? Benzos caused me terrible insomnia issues which only ended up worse with consistant use. They will eventually fail completely after time; tolerance can build up to even large doses and the drug vacations will sometimes help only for awhile; eventually they don't work at all, at least not for me.

    The only way I got back my natural sleep was to go through protracted withdrawal(several years!) which doctors told me was not withdrawal but a permanent insomnia. I was told at one point 5 months off that my sleep would not improve ever, that withdrawal was over and I needed the drugs to sleep.

    But I found after awhile I could sleep again with no drugs so they were wrong; it just took a long time that's all, longer than the supposed 2 weeks and withdrawal is over story. Because although technically withdrawal is over, the brain must rebuild it's broken receptor system from the drugs. Benzos and other psych drugs cause downregulation of benzo receptors, which is cell death. Opposing receptors(excitatory) are upregulated for self defense(tolerance). So in essence, the brain is hyperexcitable more than ever before.

    The brain can recover, though, it sometimes takes alot longer than the medical standard believed 2 week period but it does happen. Some of the sleep issues will linger but gradually get better and better. It can take months/years, depending on drug, dosage, etc. They carry the longest recovery period of any drug but luckily some will recover in a year or less.

    Most doctors and patients are not going to wait that long so alot of people do not get the chance to fully recover.

    The scariest thing is tolerance and it happened to me. I'm not talking about mild tolerance, I'm talking the type that even the large dose won't even get you drowsy and you lie awake all night for DAYS and when it finally works one night you only get 4 hours and wake up exhausted, miserable and freaked out all day!

    I was in hell, and the only way out was to get off the drug merry-go-round. I suffered like I can't tell you, I would cry and scream in the day and lay awake exhausted at night and yea, this was even while I was still ON the pills! Withdrawing brought the same but then something wonderful happened, slowly but surely I slept and my nervous system calmed. It took so long I was lucky I had a stress-free life at the time so I could stay home and deal with it.

    The original cause was a withdrawal from codiene (given during an illness) and if I would have known codiene withdrawal was the reason (I was told no way) , I would have stuck it out and been fine in a few weeks. Instead, doctors put me through near a year of hell before I became informed.

    I'm just saying that in some cases, benzos will worsen the existing problems and create more of their own and when severe tolerance set in, it can be a nightmare. Some can take low dosages for a long time before any severe tolerance. If you find the dosage getting too high, there's a warning so just be careful.

    It's a gamble with any psych drug these days, IMHO I think they are not worth it but I'm coming from the worst case scenario. Unfortuantely, I'm not alone so just be careful with these very powerful and brain-changing drugs!

     
    Old 09-07-2006, 10:44 PM   #15
    PIEmotion
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    PIEmotion's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2006
    Location: raleigh n.c. usa
    Posts: 28
    PIEmotion HB User
    Re: My changing faces of depression and Anxiety... Please Read!

    [QUOTE=jealibeanz].


    I'll have to go back and see what suggestions he has, as well as give him mine.[/QUOTE]

    THIS is the smartest thing i've heard you say since i started reading your posts. If you are too timid/anxious/afraid of all the what-if's to be totally honest with your doctors about your symptoms (ALL symptoms), how can you expect a doctor to devine what to treat you with. it's like having appendicitis and not telling your doctor your side hurts. you've got to find a strong back-bone and talk openly with him. he will respect you for it alot more than learning piece-meal over time what it is that's making you dysfunctional. print out an artical on emsam and show it to him if you're afraid to speak the words. drs are not as dumb and uninformed as some seem to think they are. it's time to take responsibility for yourself and your health issues. learn to be your own best advocate.

    didn't mean to lecture, but you seem to be a little less mature than some 21 year old's and if you have ADHD that's one of the symptoms. it's not your fault. statistically, adhd kids usually "catch up" in terms of maturity at about age 28. still, you are doing yourself NO GOOD by picking and choosing the symptoms you're telling your doctor about. and also, get a psychiatrist! family docs and gp's are kind, learned people, but when you have a specialized illness, you need a specialist. that's why medical schools produce them.

    now, go to it! you've got a long road ahead of you. get "on track" now.

    my sincerest best to you. be good to yourself!

    PIE

    Last edited by PIEmotion; 09-07-2006 at 10:50 PM.

     
    Closed Thread

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    Narcotics changing my personality?! cindyx4 Pain Management 16 10-07-2010 06:49 AM
    Changing from SSRIs to MAOIs rydal Depression 3 04-04-2010 06:56 PM
    Allergy/Sinus life changing remedies Greenjuice Sinus Problems 5 01-10-2010 09:22 PM
    The depression is overwhelming! elphers Thyroid Disorders 10 11-30-2007 07:29 AM
    Thyroid, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression-?!?!?! HELP! BITOHONEY021 Thyroid Disorders 1 12-08-2006 01:33 PM
    Question: Oxycodone for anxiety/depression moz Pain Management 27 05-07-2004 06:28 AM
    Depression and Lyme Disease FarmGirl30 Depression 2 12-28-2003 05:08 PM




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:00 AM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!